Is it me? Am I unreasonable with DH ?

[ihavenamexhanedtoday]

8 months pregnant and have a toddler at nursery.

Toddler has been sick for ages now. The last 4 nights or so, I've been up with toddler until the early hours, so getting only a few hours of sleep. Maybe 3 hours or so.

Then looking after toddler during the day. I have had a very difficult pregnancy with hyperemisis and feel sick a lot still. I also have other serious health issues, which mean I struggle physically at the best of times, but it's very hard when I am pregnant.

I'm just absolutely exhausted. DH works hard, shift type work. But seems to expect dinner when he gets home. I usually have something for him, nothing fancy. But he does complain often, like ' oh a steak ? I had steak for lunch today '... sometimes I don't have dinner for him and just get a takeaway for him.

This evening he had to wait 30 minutes for dinner to be ready and was moody about it. He also wasn't happy with what was served and it wasn't enough as well apparently.

Isn't that fucking ridiculous behaviour ? I told him that he cannot expect an a la carte menu right now and I'm doing my best. I forgot to mention I also have a full time job still from home. I also get toddler up and ready for nursery every day ( when toddler is well ) and do drop off and pick ups and sort dinner for toddler and bed time etc. As DH is at work. When toddler is unwell, I stay home.

Sorry but can he not understand that sometimes I don't have dinner ready ? I really try hard to have something available most evenings, but he always only remembers the times I don't have anything or when it's late or the same thing again etc. Isn't that just ridiculous ? Or is it understandable, as he works late etc ? He doesn't seem to appreciate that I'm trying hard. He says it's always an issue that dinner isn't available. But it's not even true.

YABU- he's out late working, so should have dinner ready

YANBU- he should cook for himself ( he does do that sometimes, but it's a massive deal and he begrudgingly does it. Like he thinks he shouldn't have to do that after a hard day at work ) he also makes a massive mess, so it's actually more work for me, because he never cleaned up properly.

@LoisLane66

** Toanewstart23
I think that's a CF post.
Does being >70, retired, divorced and living alone (out of choice) after a 41 year marriage, pigeonhole everyone in that position?

]No. But it seems to for you!

* As you think it's vile to think children are better for having a SAHM,*

Where does this poster say this? @LoisLane66

@youvegottenminuteslynn

My mum is 70, retired and lives alone. She's awesome.

@LoisLane66 on the other hand likes to add a hefty dose of archaic sexism and other strange comments to threads.

I knew I recognised the username and it's from a thread where a woman was having a really tough time discussing her husband's sex change and @LoisLane66 said that if a woman was bisexual she thought it wouldn't be an issue as it would be the best of both worlds 🙄

Or my personal favourite was her shaming working mothers with this gem:

You either want to be a mother, or you don't and part of that means being the primary caregiver. Why foist your tiny baby or young child onto a nursery, which effectively means that you don't see your child unfold into the young person they eventually become when most of their day is spent with strangers.
Why have children if you don't want to care for them.
Men often earn the highest salary so that is why most men take less parental leave, besides which there is the issue of breast feeding and bonding
It's a well known fact that when children OR adults are in trouble or hurt or need reassurance, the first person they seek out is their mother. People cry 'I want my mum'. That's how important we are.
65" TVs, second cars, foreign holidays and fancy furnishings don't even come close to the love you have for and receive from a child. It's a wonderful feeling, unmatched by anything else in life.

I mean... just vile.

And...an explicitly feminine username. Partner of the actual Superman, no less.

It's amazing how many woman-hating, man-puffing, outdated, incelly posts that encourage treating men like gods and women like dirt come from people who need to use every opportunity to tell us how womany they are.

She was calling you vile
Very different to calling sahms vile

You ask what a sahm would think
I work very Part time
And have been a sahm for a decade previously

And I think you’re views are vile too

@LoisLane66

** LoisLane66

That's the beauty of being single after 41 years.
All the pleasure of AC and GC but living too far away to babysit or school run. King-size bed to myself. Eat, sleep, buy and watch what I want, any time.

And

“I don’t do anything I don’t want to do**

And yet on this thread….

[quote LoisLane66]@youvegottenminuteslynn
That's YOUR view. I have mine. Having different views is normal...or should we all be vanilla IYO?
As you think it's vile to think children are better for having a SAHM, I wonder what other SAHM's think and there must be quite a few on here.[/quote]
She didn't even imply such a thing, and that's obvious to anyone who read it. Your lies fool nobody, Lois.

Haha .. no not superman. Just a decent kind honest and caring person to his ex, to his AC and to me, his OH, IMO.
I'm subservient to no-one at any time and have never ever been used or abused in any way by anyone.
It must grate on some people's nerves that I have a happy, contented trouble-free life with no relationship, financial, emotional, health, family or MH issues to hamper my enjoyment.
It's not a happy situation if a DH/DW/OH etc fails to meet some people's expectations but I always say that if someone doesn't add more to your life in more positive than negative ways, whether it be partner, friend or relative, then it's doorstep time...IMO of course.
I have no trouble saying NO or speaking my mind, which obviates the need for lies which need a good memory AND an aptitude for deceit.

[quote LoisLane66]@youvegottenminuteslynn
That's YOUR view. I have mine. Having different views is normal...or should we all be vanilla IYO?
As you think it's vile to think children are better for having a SAHM, I wonder what other SAHM's think and there must be quite a few on here.[/quote]
I don't think it's vile at all to be a SAHM. My mum was one and she is my favourite person.

I understand why some people would want to be or need to be a SAHM and I understand why other people would want or need to have a full time job and use childcare.

I think your judgement of other mother's choices is vile.

It must grate on some people's nerves that I have a happy, contented trouble-free life with no relationship, financial, emotional, health, family or MH issues to hamper my enjoyment.

It's not that that is grating on anyone. I would love for everyone to be happy and contented without any trouble in their lives.

I just think you're horribly judgemental and sexist. That's what grates on people 🤷🏻‍♀️

* It must grate on some people's nerves that I have a happy, contented trouble-free life with no relationship, financial, emotional, health, family or MH issues to hamper my enjoyment. *

Having read your history
Your life sounds empty and lonely
You don’t life close to your GC and love fact that means you don’t help out
You’ve been single for 41 years
Your retired

I’m thirty years your junior
And sounds shit to me

Sorry single after 41 years I meant to say

It must grate on some people's nerves that I have a happy, contented trouble-free life with no relationship, financial, emotional, health, family or MH issues to hamper my enjoyment.

Yes, your posts are definitely those of a happy, contented person who bears a charmed life and no reason for spite and barely concealed impotent rage. We all wish we were you, especially when you need to tell us so much how much fun it is, really.

@DrSbaitso

Don’t they just ooze contentment?

[quote Toanewstart23]@DrSbaitso

Don’t they just ooze contentment?[/quote]
Oh yeah. And "grates on [my] nerves" too, because I think about them so much, obviously. I hadn't completely forgotten about them and all their joy in life until I picked my phone up again while the kettle boils, oh no. Grated, I was. Weren't you?

@youvegottenminuteslynn

It must grate on some people's nerves that I have a happy, contented trouble-free life with no relationship, financial, emotional, health, family or MH issues to hamper my enjoyment.

It's not that that is grating on anyone. I would love for everyone to be happy and contented without any trouble in their lives.

I just think you're horribly judgemental and sexist. That's what grates on people 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep, that.

It's not your imaginary life that bothers people, Lois, it's the nasty, sexist, dishonest shite you come out with.

It sounds like you're done OP.

You describe him as misogynistic, you say you're repulsed by him, it sounds like you've given up on this relationship (which to be fair most people would have done already, I'm not saying it's not the right decision). I don't think there is any way back from here, even if he turns into mr perfect (ok mr bare minimum) I dont think you'll be able to get past the resentment

If he cant even look after his own child for a few minutes when you're ill or in the shower, if he cant even offer you any sort of emotional or practical support, if he cant even separate out forks and knives when emptying out the dishwasher, if he calls you names like nag etc...it sounds like he makes your life harder in every way and splitting would be best for everyone

Did we just give up on the OP a few pages back? I can't follow why a group of posters are having an argument on her thread!

@StaplesCorner

Did we just give up on the OP a few pages back? I can't follow why a group of posters are having an argument on her thread!

No we haven’t given up on op but anyone trying to do the maths with Lois Lane

Husband 22 years younger than her
Together for 41 years
LL now 70

So LL was 29 when she met her 22 years younger oh.

That would make him 7 years old

"and have been resting on the sofa while he tries to look after DC."
Honey... Get your pregnant butt back to bed. Close the door. He can look after DC and fix his own dinner.
I wouldn't lay around the house watching him huff and puff. Yep, get away ASAP. Good Luck.

^No we haven’t given up on op but anyone trying to do the maths with Lois Lane

Husband 22 years younger than her
Together for 41 years
LL now 70

So LL was 29 when she met her 22 years younger oh.

That would make him 7 years old^

Well quite.

Just don’t engage.

Back to supporting the OP.

I so hope you’re ok @ihavenamexhanedtoday

How are you @ihavenamexhanedtoday been hoping you’re ok!

It's not the 1950s anymore....