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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be p*ssed off a DH after I changed the bed sheets and he turned round and insisted I put on of the old sheets back on???

85 replies

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:06

DH and I share a double bed, but have our own duvets (both always stealing duvet of the other so we have a duvet each). Strangely DH has always had a flat sheet between him and the duvet and I adapted years ago not really finding a great issue with it...

So - changing our bed involves, 5 pillowcases (I have 3, he has 2), one fitted bottom sheet, 2 flat sheets and two double duvet covers......and when you're a short ar*e like me it's rather an effort as I have to keep walking round the bed to straighten it all up.

I'm embarrassingly awful at remembering to change the bed and it really REALLY neeeded doing......badly .

Took me about 20 minutes in total and I arrived downstairs and told DH (jokingly) "gosh I can't wait until we buy a bigger duvet cover so that changing the bed isn't such a great effort"...

His response was "oh I've been changing my pillow cases/sheets/duvet cover as and when needed" (bollox has he - they were just as bad as my ones - if not worse as he sweats like a pig in bed). He then proceeded to ask which sheet I'd put under his duvet.....told him and it was "the wrong one" - the one I put on (although cotton - and admittedly several years older) is apparently not warm enough.....would I mind putting one of the white sheets on.

Told him they'd both been on the bed so I'd had no choice and he asked me to go and put one of the dirty white sheets back on his side of the bed.......on top of the lovely clean and fresh fitted sheet, fresh pillowcases and fresh duvet cover.

I did it (to keep the peace......and he was in the middle of getting all 3 DS's ready for bed so it wasn't like he was sat on his ar*e being lazy or anything) and he told me I "should have checked with him before changing them and then it wouldn't have happened!!!!".

He doesn't seem to see that (in my eyes) the whole 20 minute exercise was a total waste of time as there's a horrible smelly dirty sheet mixed in with all the nice clean ones.

It should also be added that I'm appallingly undomesticated, and I find the whole "domestic" stuff a real struggle to keep on top of. He does his fair share and I'm VERY grateful for that (otherwise house would just be terrible!). However, he tends to make little comments to try and encourage me to get stuff done (I don't mind that - it usually spurs me into action and I feel great afterwards!),.....but then on the other hand seems to have complaints when I do things off my own back! (it was hoovering "at the wrong time" a few weeks back.......).

OK yes I KNOW I'm probably being very unreasonable given how helpful (and patient with me over it) he is with the housework but I can't help feeling like it's a bit of a kick in the teeth.....and I really don't want to bring it up with him now as I know that the mood I'm in I'd probably get over emotional about it and we'd end up rowing about it.......and I know it's not worth fighting over.

Right - rant over......

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DontCallMeHun · 01/01/2008 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/01/2008 22:50

Yes, a cash float from work. Then he's not spending your money.

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:50

actually DCMH the same would probably have happened a year ago - or more when I was working........

And actually it will be even more equal when I go back to work - as I'm looking at early morning jobs.......which means that even if DS3 wakes up in the night and is up for ages - DH will have to get up and do the school/nursery run which I currently do.......as I'd still be at work.

Lucy - thank goodness it's not just me wondering what a float was.....got visions of him floating on a piece of polystyrene in the bath to sleep or something

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gr1973 · 01/01/2008 22:51

long johns plus thermal pj's then?. Clearly you have hugely different housekeeping standards, but hey, the world would be a hugely dull place if we were all the same.

As long as you both appreciate that you are really different and still manage to respect each other (while having the occasional tiff about it) then I dont see the problem with that.

If you did feel constantly grateful for his help though that wouldn't seem so ok - yes he works long hours, but i think you said you have three kids (?) and that sounds like a pretty full-time job to me! Dont understimate your contribution to your family life.

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:51

no - unfortunately expenses have to be paid out of our pocket - and then he has to claim them back.......they've been trying to get them to change it since before he started working for them 2yrs ago....but with absolutely zero success at all.

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DontCallMeHun · 01/01/2008 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazarou · 01/01/2008 22:54

How about a compromise? Cover the dirty sheet with a clean sheet?

yelnats · 01/01/2008 22:55

Is your house really that cold that you need sheets and a 15tog duvet? Wouldnt it be easier to just stick the heating on?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/01/2008 22:55

I'm pretty sure that they cannot insist on that....not that it's the point here......

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:57

yelnats - no it's not that cold (even with heating on)....which I why I have a 9 tog duvet and frequently discard my pj's......he just gets really cold in bed (which I find odd now as he spends most of his working day out in all weathers!).

VVV - if I said the company name "Capita".....may explain why they're so completely useless with things like expenses.......

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Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 23:02

'patient with me'

'helps me around the house'

What did our grandmothers and mothers fight for

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 23:08

I don't believe most of our grandmothers and mothers would have been able to leave the house at 10am on a Saturday morning to go shopping (well window shopping as we're permanently skint atm )........and come home around 4pm......leaving their OH's to look after 3 young boys

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TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 23:10
  • I've not been downstairs since posting this thread..........but I'm now sat enjoying a lovely cup of coffee......which oooooooo I think has been laced with alcohol
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gr1973 · 01/01/2008 23:13

i bet my grandmothers would have given dh a clip round the ear for wanting dirty sheets on the bed though

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 23:15

LOL - I suppose so........but you see now I've put that one back on.......when I change the sheets in 2 weeks time (oh god I'm going to regret trying to put a timetable on these things for myself, I just know it as I'll never remember LOL) I'll have a clean white one to put back on.......so I can change the sheets when I want to.....and he can have his "warmer" sheets on

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Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 23:16

they fought so tht we could - I would think nothing of doing that. if I wanted. I don't have to be grateful to dh for looking adfter th ekids - it is his job as well as mine.

I really really pisses me off this attitude

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 23:18

yes but if I go out shopping on my own on a Saturday (as I frequently do).....then it means he never gets a chance to go out shopping on his own......as I "hog" all the Saturdays ....if he does go out - then he'll take the DS's with him - so he doesn't get time on his own LOL.

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Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 23:19

and if he wanted to then he would discuss it with you and you would both rearrange your schdules.

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 23:21

even when he wants to go out shopping he always ends up taking at least one of the DS's with him - often both DS1 and DS2.....as he's a big softy really and can't say no when they ask if they can go in the car with him

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PeachesMcLean · 01/01/2008 23:21

Beety, I completely agree with you, and the point is that we need to take responsibility as well - ie share not completely hand over. IceQueen, you do seem revel in doing very little.

Nightynight · 01/01/2008 23:22

can you afford to just go out and buy some new warm sheets, so that this particular issue doesnt arise again?

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 23:23

revel in doing very little......hang on didn't someone further back up the thread say that looking after 3 children was pretty hard work?

Funny as I always thought that having the entire after school/dinner/bedtime routine on my own 5 times a week.....with my role as Director of Music at church on top of that.....constituted doing something????

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Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 23:23

I give up - enjoy

gr1973 · 01/01/2008 23:23

hey, if you're both happy and you're both contributing to family/home in your own way then fair play to you. Just dont feel guilty about not being a domestic goddess

Have you kissed and made up yet? Might be best before he gets back under his manky sheet.

I'm now thinking that our sheets desperately need cleaned. But I have to wash, dry and iron them in an anally retentive way and that takes all bloody day!

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 23:25

gr1973.......see my 23.10 post.....we're all made up (and I've just ascertained that the coffee was indeed laced with whisky LOL)

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