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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be p*ssed off a DH after I changed the bed sheets and he turned round and insisted I put on of the old sheets back on???

85 replies

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:06

DH and I share a double bed, but have our own duvets (both always stealing duvet of the other so we have a duvet each). Strangely DH has always had a flat sheet between him and the duvet and I adapted years ago not really finding a great issue with it...

So - changing our bed involves, 5 pillowcases (I have 3, he has 2), one fitted bottom sheet, 2 flat sheets and two double duvet covers......and when you're a short ar*e like me it's rather an effort as I have to keep walking round the bed to straighten it all up.

I'm embarrassingly awful at remembering to change the bed and it really REALLY neeeded doing......badly .

Took me about 20 minutes in total and I arrived downstairs and told DH (jokingly) "gosh I can't wait until we buy a bigger duvet cover so that changing the bed isn't such a great effort"...

His response was "oh I've been changing my pillow cases/sheets/duvet cover as and when needed" (bollox has he - they were just as bad as my ones - if not worse as he sweats like a pig in bed). He then proceeded to ask which sheet I'd put under his duvet.....told him and it was "the wrong one" - the one I put on (although cotton - and admittedly several years older) is apparently not warm enough.....would I mind putting one of the white sheets on.

Told him they'd both been on the bed so I'd had no choice and he asked me to go and put one of the dirty white sheets back on his side of the bed.......on top of the lovely clean and fresh fitted sheet, fresh pillowcases and fresh duvet cover.

I did it (to keep the peace......and he was in the middle of getting all 3 DS's ready for bed so it wasn't like he was sat on his ar*e being lazy or anything) and he told me I "should have checked with him before changing them and then it wouldn't have happened!!!!".

He doesn't seem to see that (in my eyes) the whole 20 minute exercise was a total waste of time as there's a horrible smelly dirty sheet mixed in with all the nice clean ones.

It should also be added that I'm appallingly undomesticated, and I find the whole "domestic" stuff a real struggle to keep on top of. He does his fair share and I'm VERY grateful for that (otherwise house would just be terrible!). However, he tends to make little comments to try and encourage me to get stuff done (I don't mind that - it usually spurs me into action and I feel great afterwards!),.....but then on the other hand seems to have complaints when I do things off my own back! (it was hoovering "at the wrong time" a few weeks back.......).

OK yes I KNOW I'm probably being very unreasonable given how helpful (and patient with me over it) he is with the housework but I can't help feeling like it's a bit of a kick in the teeth.....and I really don't want to bring it up with him now as I know that the mood I'm in I'd probably get over emotional about it and we'd end up rowing about it.......and I know it's not worth fighting over.

Right - rant over......

OP posts:
FatBellyHoHoHo · 01/01/2008 22:11

I'm very confused about how you get two flat sheets on the bottom of one bed but that's irrelevant really.. YANBU at all, there's nothng so lovely as a freshly changed bed and he's ruining it with a smelly old sheet!

Cappuccino · 01/01/2008 22:13

What?

you should check with him about changing the bed?

you should do the hoovering at an appropriate time?

tbh this man sounds very controlling; I wouldn't put up with this. What are you, his housekeeper?

men are meant to be helpful with housework. Patience? It sounds like he is your teacher rather than your dh

I don't like the sound of it at all, sorry

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:15

we have a fitted sheet on the bottom - then the pillows go on, and then a flat sheet each with a duvet on the top.......the sheets and duvets are sort of "rolled round" each other in the middle of the bed to stop draughts and the otherside tucked in well underneath the bed......if that makes sense????

But thankyou for making me feel I'm NBU

OP posts:
TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:17

Capuccino.......today he has washed the dishes, done the bottles, entertained the DS's all day and put a pile of clothes away that I ironed yesterday.....he really is very good at helping with the housework.....I'm just hacked off about this issue (and admittedly I was trying to hoover the lounge carpet right at the time he was getting DS3 out of his bath and wanting to get him dressed......in the middle of the lounge carpet ).

OP posts:
lazarou · 01/01/2008 22:18

why didnt you just put the sheet on a quick wash and then in the tumble dryer ready to go back on the bed?

PeachesMcLean · 01/01/2008 22:19

But if the used sheet is only on his side, is it so bad?

However, i'd have insisted that he put it on there himself.

Cappuccino · 01/01/2008 22:20

I don't care how much he does

it doesn't give him the right to be so patronising about what you do

you're not allowed to change your own bed ffs? Or hoover when you want to?

lazarou · 01/01/2008 22:21

Icequeen, is your dh a virgo by any chance?

PeachesMcLean · 01/01/2008 22:21

And what's this "helpful with housework" nonsense? If men "help" women, it means it's your job.

Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 22:22

sorry but he is a weirdo

How dare he change his side of the bed as and when

weird

choosyfloosy · 01/01/2008 22:22

erm....

i don't think he's being totally unreasonable to want the bed the way he wants it, IYSWIM

but as a totally undomesticated slattern, I would be absolutely BOILING about this.

I love a fresh bed above all things (though you'd never think so as we are infrequent changers). I would loathe putting a smelly sheet back on. Couldn't he just say 'Oh thanks babe' and wear some bedsocks FGS? He's not your line manager. Do you do the same to him in other areas of life? (I'm suggesting not btw!)

I have to say that a sheet between you and the duvet will inevitably be too cold, surely, as it prevents the nice seal around your body that you're supposed to have? I thought that was the point of duvets.

Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 22:22

help out witht eh fucking housework - so fucking what

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:23

lazarou - because I started making the bed at just gone 7pm.......quick wash takes 40 minutes...........oh and we don't own a tumble dryer .....and DS3 is still sleeping in our room and goes to bed at 8pm....

Capuccino - he's really not that bad honest - this is 2 incidents in about 3/4 weeks.......and he's been off work for 2 of those (which makes it harder to carry on as normal as I try and "fit round" family stuff instead of just carrying on as I would when he's at work).

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 01/01/2008 22:23

no you have to have sheets with duvets

it is wrong otherwise

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 01/01/2008 22:23

OH God

He is right back into controlling mode isn't he ??

lazarou · 01/01/2008 22:24

aha, i see. Perhaps you should get one then, you know, for such future bedlinen mishaps.

edam · 01/01/2008 22:24

FGS, if he didn't like the way you'd changed the bed, he should have gone and put his own bloody smelly, rank old sheet back on.

Stop apologising for existing! So he does a bit of housework, it does NOT give him the right to boss you around.

Sounds like you need to have A Big Talk.

Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 22:25

sheet is fine

being cross at you changign the bed is strange

changing his side only is selfish

AND WHY DID YOU PUT HIS STUFF BACK ON? tell him to bog off and put it onlhimslef if he wants smelluy sheets back on

DontCallMeHun · 01/01/2008 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cappuccino · 01/01/2008 22:25

just learn your own way of doing the housework

go and do flylady

read books about it

tell him he is wrong

if you really feel 'great' after doing housework learn how to do it properly and take pride in it and have the balls to say "I am not putting a dirty sheet back on a clean bed you madman"

get a spine

DontCallMeHun · 01/01/2008 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

isaidno · 01/01/2008 22:26

yanbu.
I'd have told him where else he could sleep.

TheIceQueen · 01/01/2008 22:26

lazarou - I haven't got a clue what his star sign is.....24th November if that helps you????

Peaches - I'm currently living it up on Maternity leave so have all the time in the world......he's (apart from the last 2 weeks when he's been on leave) working 40-50hrs a week doesn't finish work until 9pm so not home until 10pm ish......plus doing LOADS of housework in the morning before he leaves .........oh and if DS3 wakes up before 4am DH is the one that gets up and sorts him out.....I really do have an easy life.......

I just wanted a moan

OP posts:
PeachesMcLean · 01/01/2008 22:27

Oh you don't get to just have a moan on here, you should know that

Beetootoyourself · 01/01/2008 22:28

'washed HIS dishes'

bless him