to be p*ssed off a DH after I changed the bed sheets and he turned round and insisted I put on of the old sheets back on???

[TheIceQueen]

DH and I share a double bed, but have our own duvets (both always stealing duvet of the other so we have a duvet each). Strangely DH has always had a flat sheet between him and the duvet and I adapted years ago not really finding a great issue with it...

So - changing our bed involves, 5 pillowcases (I have 3, he has 2), one fitted bottom sheet, 2 flat sheets and two double duvet covers......and when you're a short ar*e like me it's rather an effort as I have to keep walking round the bed to straighten it all up.

I'm embarrassingly awful at remembering to change the bed and it really REALLY neeeded doing......badly .

Took me about 20 minutes in total and I arrived downstairs and told DH (jokingly) "gosh I can't wait until we buy a bigger duvet cover so that changing the bed isn't such a great effort"...

His response was "oh I've been changing my pillow cases/sheets/duvet cover as and when needed" (bollox has he - they were just as bad as my ones - if not worse as he sweats like a pig in bed). He then proceeded to ask which sheet I'd put under his duvet.....told him and it was "the wrong one" - the one I put on (although cotton - and admittedly several years older) is apparently not warm enough.....would I mind putting one of the white sheets on.

Told him they'd both been on the bed so I'd had no choice and he asked me to go and put one of the dirty white sheets back on his side of the bed.......on top of the lovely clean and fresh fitted sheet, fresh pillowcases and fresh duvet cover.

I did it (to keep the peace......and he was in the middle of getting all 3 DS's ready for bed so it wasn't like he was sat on his ar*e being lazy or anything) and he told me I "should have checked with him before changing them and then it wouldn't have happened!!!!".

He doesn't seem to see that (in my eyes) the whole 20 minute exercise was a total waste of time as there's a horrible smelly dirty sheet mixed in with all the nice clean ones.

It should also be added that I'm appallingly undomesticated, and I find the whole "domestic" stuff a real struggle to keep on top of. He does his fair share and I'm VERY grateful for that (otherwise house would just be terrible!). However, he tends to make little comments to try and encourage me to get stuff done (I don't mind that - it usually spurs me into action and I feel great afterwards!),.....but then on the other hand seems to have complaints when I do things off my own back! (it was hoovering "at the wrong time" a few weeks back.......).

OK yes I KNOW I'm probably being very unreasonable given how helpful (and patient with me over it) he is with the housework but I can't help feeling like it's a bit of a kick in the teeth.....and I really don't want to bring it up with him now as I know that the mood I'm in I'd probably get over emotional about it and we'd end up rowing about it.......and I know it's not worth fighting over.

Right - rant over......

was he washing his dishes because he thought you would do them wrong?

icequeen, does your DH have OCD? Actually only half joking - that doesnt sound quite like normal behaviour to me.

does he do the shopping?

If you are doing these kind of bizarre and unnecessary, even demeaning things just to "keep the peace" in your relationship then there is something wrong. Really. This is not pleasant and it's not normal, even if he does a fair share of the housework. Presumably you do a fair share too but you wouldn't ask him to put the dirty food back on the washing up he's just done because you fancied a mucky dinner or something.

Dontcallmehun.......no after cuddles before sleep (when he comes across to my side as I don't like going back to a cold side ) we disappear back to our own sides and wrap ourselves up in our duvets - he looks like an eskimo wrapped up in his .......I'm often to be seen with only my head peaking out the top - but a leg hanging out of the side LOL.

Cappucino - after 5 (failed) attempts of flylady I've given up on her.....I've just NEVER had the same standard of domestic cleanliness as he naturally has (and I doubt I ever will)........what I frequently deem acceptable for having people round he quietly sits there with a pained expression on his face, and when he cleans up before people come round I sit there with mouth wide open in shock that the house can actually look that tidy LOL.

weird that he wants a dirty sheet though.Do you think he would have noticed if you had said nothing?

ok, he's a sagittarius, and i have no experience of sagittarians but i found this

Short Summary
Sagittarians are fun loving, generous and extremely friendly. They very rarely tell lies, in fact they're so open about everything, the whole world knows what they're up to. They have marvellous intuitions that they should take notice of. They're pretty clever because they're so interested in everything. They can be a bit rude but that's only because they're very honest and will say exactly what they think. They love travel, fast cars and horse riding. They also love spending money, so a credit card should be avoided.

Long Summary
Sagittarians are great company because they are interested in everything and everyone. Broad-minded and lacking in prejudice, they are fascinated by even the strangest of people. With their optimism and humour, they are often the life and soul of the party, while they are in a good mood. They can become quite downhearted, crabby and awkward on occasion, but not usually for long. They can be hurtful to others because they cannot resist speaking what they see as the truth, even if it causes embarrassment. However, their tactlessness is usually innocent and they have no desire to hurt.

Sagittarians need an unconventional lifestyle, preferable one that allows them to travel. They cannot be cooped up in a cramped environment and they need to meet new people and to explore a variety of ideas during theirs days work. Money is not their god - they will work for a pittance if they feel inspired by the task. Their values are spiritual rather than material. Many are attracted to the spiritual side of life and may be interested in the church, philosophy, astrology and other new age subjects. Higher education and legal matters attract them because they need to feel free and unfettered but they can do well with a self-sufficient and independent partner. Despite all this intellectualism and need for freedom, Sagittarians have a deep need to be cuddled and touched and they need to be supported emotionally.

Rude and tactless apparently. There, that explains it.

and ye the seeps in disgusting sheets

"he quietly sits there with a pained expression on his face"

oh dear

I am wondering about the OCD as well

and agree with NineResolutions

ooops Beety - I meant washed "the" dishes - not just his .

I'm really not sure how 2 (really quite petty) incidents makes our relationship somehow "wrong" - infact in general it's better than it's been for YEARS...........

thinks back to this time last year when she was trying to sort her finances out in preparation for her and DH separating*!

oh fgs laszrou

I am a Sagittarius

I am nothing like him or most of that

it's probably not worth fighting over a sheet, but i was slightly concerned with the he's 'patient with you about the housework' business. You shouldn't need to be grateful that he helps with the housework or feel guilty that you're not some kind of domestic goddess.

Maybe I'm just fortunate that me and DH both chip in with the housework and are as guilty as each other at letting it slide when we're busy (or feeling a bit lazy).

Back on the bedding front if he gets cold at night he could always wear some pj's!!

Surely you need more sheets?

Well, he needs more sheets. He ought to go out and buy some, hadnt he?

noddy - oh yes he'd have noticed - the sheet I took off (and threw back on rather haphazardly ) was white.........the clean sheet (which I'd put on very carefully and as nicely as my own) was pink...

lol lazarou - that may explain something as may

"They very rarely tell lies, in fact they're so open about everything"........perhaps he's just too open

Excusse me?? Did you really say "living it up on Maternity leave??? "

FFS you are supposed to be resting & either conserving your strength for the birth or getting it back after delivery not flying around like a blue-arsed fly !!

YANBU!!

i dont think the relationship is in question! Icequeen, you just have to resign yourself to the fact that your DH is anally retentive! I guess the simple answer to his request would be - well, the dirty sheet is in the wash, if you feel that strongly about it, put it back yourself! It does sound like your DH does loads to help you around the house. I say this after it dawned on both DP and I that he did buggerall housework over the xmas break, and i mean bugger ALL - i told him today, he said, you'll love this - yeah, i was thinking that too bless him, i didnt mind actually as i do a bare minimum and he kept DD occupied most of the time so i actually ended up having a break - he will be back at work tomorrow

gr1973.......no really he is patient with me about the housework - I could probably live on a rubbish dump and not see the mess around me thats how bad I am (not helped by my parents equally low standards of cleanliness growing up I'm sure).........and he already has PJ's....including the thermal type - and he has a 15 tog duvet on his side of the bed (I currently have 9 tog....)

VVV - yes we need more sheets.........well actually we need the biggest size Duvets you can get.......or even better a bigger bed....but right now there's not much chance of that happening when his work haven't paid his expenses for over 6 weeks!).

LEM, that's why I asked if he was a virgo. Notorious control freaks. I should know, im one of them.

bossy - yes I'm living it up on Maternity leave - DS3 is now 7 months old, I'm back at work very soon (well as soon as I find a job to go back to having handed in my resignation for my old one today ) and he's a very "easy" baby - especially with 2 older brothers who happily spend hours entertaining him in the afternoons/early evening while I'm cooking dinner/getting them to bed.

He should insist on a float.

a float????

Now you've lost me (doesn't take much does it!)

its not just you icequeen, a float??