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Original poster

DNA surprises!

311 replies

lynfordthecrab · 15/02/2022 15:46

So my DS is big on drawing up the family tree, which she has done very successfully back to the 1500s. She then decided to do a DNA match, and yep you guessed it, its opened a whole can of worms that wont go back in the can!
Her DNA did not match our DF (who is no longer with us) but did match DM. Before saying anything to DM she asked me if I would take a DNA test which I have and I don't match DF either. Now my parents were married 5 years before my DS was born and there is 3 years between us. The DNA shows we have the same parents but its not the DF my DM was married too!
My DS is all for confronting DM for an explanation, I'm not fussed one way or the other, it doesn't change who I am. For me DF will always be the one that brought me up.
However because DS doesn't live in the same country, if she does the confrontation I'm the one that has to sort out the aftermath as she wont be here. I understand she has a need to know.
Neither of us are close to DM emotionally but due to her age now she is quite dependent on me.
Thoughts oh wise ones?

OP posts:
Original poster
lynfordthecrab · 15/02/2022 16:32

DNA was done through Ancestry, there are no DNA matches to anyone on the paternal side who have also uploaded DNA and should therefore be a match with us, percentage dependent on how close a relative obv. However there are loads on the maternal side.
Even though we don’t have DF DNA we would still match with people in his family and we don’t.
We have a first cousin on the maternal side which we both share and the DNA points to one of her 2 uncles on her dads side being our father.

“She” in the above post was referring to DM

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 15/02/2022 16:34

How was the DNA known?!

CornishTiger · 15/02/2022 16:35

So your cousin is your mums sisters child. And the DNA match is with that sisters husbands brother?

Theworldisquiethere · 15/02/2022 16:35

any possibility that your df was adopted?

Georgeskitchen · 15/02/2022 16:37

A parent will be 50% match so if one of your uncles is a 50% match, he is your dad

forlornlorna · 15/02/2022 16:39

What if your dad was adopted or his mom had an affair

GabriellaMontez · 15/02/2022 16:39

@Theworldisquiethere

any possibility that your df was adopted?
Or a half brother?
Frightmare · 15/02/2022 16:40

Do you share an unusually large amount of DNA with that cousin? You could try putting the suspected father down in your family tree on ancestry and linking it to thrulines and see if you get more matches through both his mother’s and father ‘s lines. It might give you some more insight first before speaking to your mother,

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2022 16:41

@CornishTiger, the Uncle is the brother of who the OP thought her father was. So it's a possibility that one of her Uncles is the bio father.

OP, I'd want to get to the bottom of it for the health questions we are always asked. I don't know my Father's family and it leaves gaps in genetic questions.

Pluvia · 15/02/2022 16:42

You say your father is dead, so how did you have his DNA?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/02/2022 16:42

If you've not actually tested your Dads DNA but You don't match with any family on his side, either. Is it possible that your Dad may have switched at birth.

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2022 16:44

"any possibility that your df was adopted?
Or a half brother?"

It wouldn't explain why the OP and her sister's results didn't show her df as their father.

Frightmare · 15/02/2022 16:45

@Ponoka7 I interpreted it the same as CornishTiger. Now I’m confused.

Pluvia · 15/02/2022 16:47

Ah, just seen that you don't. I'd want to double-check everything before accusing my mother of sleeping with someone else.

Ylfa · 15/02/2022 16:48

There’s a tool on GEDmatch you can use to check if your parents were related to one another, it’s completely free.

throughtheair · 15/02/2022 16:48

For the posters who are asking, if you've built a decent family tree on ancestry then once you've done the DNA it's obvious through your matches whether you're descended from who you think you are. I'm the only one in my family to have tested but I have matches on both sides, ancestry tells you who your common ancestors are etc. I can see that all my grandparents were who they were supposed to be too etc.

TurquoiseDragon · 15/02/2022 16:50

The lack of DNA from the DF's side, along with the abundance of DNA suggesting a maternal relative as the father doesn't lend itself to the theory that the DF was adopted.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2022 16:55

Your father could have been adopted.

OhFuckBloodyHell · 15/02/2022 16:56

So you think your bio father could be your mother's, sister's, BIL?

Any matches at all on bio paternal side?

Could DF have been adopted? And the match to aunt's BIL is because the families were already related a few generations back?

Has aunt done dna? That may show she was already distantly related to her husband and is mucking up the results?

Theworldisquiethere · 15/02/2022 16:58

@Ponoka7

"any possibility that your df was adopted? Or a half brother?"

It wouldn't explain why the OP and her sister's results didn't show her df as their father.

it didn't show that he's not their father, just that they don't have dna links with relatives on his side which would make sense with adoption, but I missed the bit where OP says it looks like their dad is her maternal cousins uncle.

OP so just to clarify, is this cousin's mum your mum's sister, and it looks like your dad is the cousins dad's brother? I'm getting a bit lost so might have misunderstood that completely!

OhFuckBloodyHell · 15/02/2022 16:58

@Ponoka7

"any possibility that your df was adopted? Or a half brother?"

It wouldn't explain why the OP and her sister's results didn't show her df as their father.

It would if the didn't have a DNA test from DF, but did from another paternal relation (like his brother's child maybe) and DF and his brother aren't actually biologically related.
SleepingStandingUp · 15/02/2022 17:01

Even though we don’t have DF DNA we would still match with people in his family and we don’t.
Who are the other relatives tho? Before accusing DM of a long torrid affair, I'd consider if DF was legitimate or if there's an alt explanation. So by way of talking to DM I'd be asking about Great Aunty Brenda and Uncle Bob because we weirdly don't match their DNA, do you know if there was any history Mom VS who did you have a long affair with.

Aprilx · 15/02/2022 17:02

@lynfordthecrab

sorry don't mean to drip feed. She knew my sister was doing the family tree, she also knew DS had done DNA but the original assumption was one of our uncles had played fast and loose! She was asked and said she didn't know.
“She” was asked? Your mother or somebody else? If it was your mothers then I don’t understand what you area asking now and if “she” is not your mother then I can’t work out who it is.
WheresYourSnickers · 15/02/2022 17:05

@SleepingStandingUp

Even though we don’t have DF DNA we would still match with people in his family and we don’t. Who are the other relatives tho? Before accusing DM of a long torrid affair, I'd consider if DF was legitimate or if there's an alt explanation. So by way of talking to DM I'd be asking about Great Aunty Brenda and Uncle Bob because we weirdly don't match their DNA, do you know if there was any history Mom VS who did you have a long affair with.
This is a very good point. Just because you don't match with relatives on your DF side doesn't mean it's your mother that had an affair. Maybe his mother did?
MrsHGWells · 15/02/2022 17:06

Suspect fertility tests weren’t the norm back in the days, hence a brother (uncle) could have stood in for your DF (who may have had unknown male fertility issues);

Or next port of call - which family friends did your parents socialise with?

Your DM will know the story behind the DNA - simply ask as your DF is possibly the one that was hiding the family secret.