DNA surprises!

[lynfordthecrab]

So my DS is big on drawing up the family tree, which she has done very successfully back to the 1500s. She then decided to do a DNA match, and yep you guessed it, its opened a whole can of worms that wont go back in the can!
Her DNA did not match our DF (who is no longer with us) but did match DM. Before saying anything to DM she asked me if I would take a DNA test which I have and I don't match DF either. Now my parents were married 5 years before my DS was born and there is 3 years between us. The DNA shows we have the same parents but its not the DF my DM was married too!
My DS is all for confronting DM for an explanation, I'm not fussed one way or the other, it doesn't change who I am. For me DF will always be the one that brought me up.
However because DS doesn't live in the same country, if she does the confrontation I'm the one that has to sort out the aftermath as she wont be here. I understand she has a need to know.
Neither of us are close to DM emotionally but due to her age now she is quite dependent on me.
Thoughts oh wise ones?

wow must've been a huge shock for you hope you are OK OP. I suppose you never would've found out the truth if your sis hadn't done the DNA test or do you think your mum would have eventually told you anyway? how as your sis taken the news?

This seems very odd. I would be wondering if she is just covering for the fact that she had a long term affair. Lots of lies in families though - there is a grown male in our family who does not know his father was not his biological father. Let's hope he never takes a DNA test.

@lynfordthecrab - I suspect she either put the pregnancies down to "contraceptive" failure (whatever method your parents were using, assuming any) or your Dad was infertile.

It's not that uncommon for children to unknowingly (to either themselves or their father) be fathered by another man - I used to work in labs that typed for bone marrow compatibility, where occasionally we'd get a mismatch - and more recently, the figure has been suggested to be up to 10% of children in the UK!!

It's only through people doing this genetic testing that more and more of these mismatches are coming to light, it seems - and of course it's not just for medical reasons, it's also for reasons like you and your sister got yours done, and for finding out how much ancestral DNA one has of various races, etc.

I hope your mum does explain a little more but at least you know the science was correct, and now you have new people to call family, if it doesn't cause everyone too much heartache.

There are often secrets in families op. You aren't alone. We have a couple in mine. My father's and mother's side. Questions that won't ever be answered because everyone is dead.

Then I have 2 friends who have been through similar. One of them was mourning her father when she found out it was (somewhat) of an open secret that her father had a second family with adult children the same age as her. The other that her grandfather had loads of kids.

That's the reason I asked which company you used is because I want to find some of these things out.

But I don't think it's as uncommon as people think. Most people just don't come across the information that would make them question anything.

I wonder if he was infertile but wouldn't let her adopt as he didn't want children so she solved the problem in her own way. Infertility is heartbreaking and there weren't many solutions if he wouldn't agree. He clearly stuck by her if he was suspicious and they didn't have the tests to prove otherwise then. Good luck to you op, I'm sure your mum was delighted with you both however you came about.

Best wishes to you op. It’s a fascinating story but also difficult for you and your sister

I’m glad you have got some answers OP even if there are still many questions to be answered.

I guess back then people got married and expected to have children, maybe your mum assumed when she met your father they would have children but then later found out he didn’t want any? Divorce was probably still frowned upon (my parents stayed together for many years because they were afraid of being judged), your mother was desperate for children so she did what she did behind your fathers back. He raised you as his own because he knew no different, he will always be your father even if he isn’t by blood.

My assumption is that he was using condoms and possibly insisting your mum used a contraceptive foam or suppository. I don't even know if they make those anymore. That would be the only form of contraception he would be able to actually 'verify' she was using as they're usually applied right before sex.

If the man who brought you up was kind and loving to you he was in every way that mattered your Dad. He earned that title. If your Mum is old and has already said she does not know your sister should let it go untill after your Mum passes. The chances are you biological Father is dead now anyway.

My Dh did some geniology and found his DM and DM in fact married a year to the day they said they did. Celebrated Golden Wedding anniversary when married 49 years. Turns out eldest son is illegitimate. Mil would be humiliated if she thought we knew so we played along and planned their 50th party for them. In those days it was seen as shameful to get pregnant before marriage. Really not a big deal to us. Eldest brother does not know as we know he would confront his Mum and she would be devistated.

@ChickenStripper

This seems very odd. I would be wondering if she is just covering for the fact that she had a long term affair. Lots of lies in families though - there is a grown male in our family who does not know his father was not his biological father. Let's hope he never takes a DNA test.

It seems awful that you would know and he wouldn’t? This must feel like a burdensome knowledge.