To ask why some people are SO rude about Valentine’s Day?

[Sweetlikejollof]

I find this so strange. If you don’t celebrate it, then that’s fine. Nobody is trying to make you.

However, some of us do celebrate it. And we enjoy it. So, why be rude about it? Why all the vitriol? Every year, multiple threads of people being remarkably unpleasant that others have the effrontery to celebrate something that they don’t personally care for. Why?!

And the ‘it’s commercial nonsense’ and ‘we celebrate our love every day’ arguments aren’t relevant here, as I’m not asking why you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (your relationship is entirely your business), I’m specifically asking why some people are rude about other people celebrating it.

@Cas112

Because they a probably unhappy spiteful people who are only happy when trying to make others feel rubbish

Or the other kind of unhappy people say say shit like "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything" as if it's a pearl of brilliant wisdom as opposed to stupid illogical bollocks.

YANBU.
While people like banging on about whiny bitches who complained about the size of flowers.
IRL it’s usually a case of the man making NO effort whatsoever. For anything. Not just Valentine’s Day. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Nothing.

And it’s sad to see the amount of competitive ‘not caring’. I suspect a lot of posters with the ‘we love each other everyday’ don’t want to see anybody else having a better life than they do.

All holidays/celebration days are made up, though. And they are all commercialised - none so much as Christmas. Yet, only Valentine’s Day seems to generate quite this level of bile (not talking about you, just generally).

I reckon Christmas generates at least as much (if not more) "bile".

Oh, sorry I meant to say, it's also the fake happiness that annoys people.

We all already know that social media is full of happy facades. Those in bad relationships or don't have anyone to celebrate with (but would like to find a partner) or don't have a lot of money often feel quite shit after visiting FB and seeing Jennifer's new Tiffany bracelet or Sarah's luxury spa weekend. Grand gestures and expensive gifts don't make a relationship.

Christmas is def another one that gets grief and imho gets worse every year. It's not just a small planet on Christmas Day kids need to be gifted now but Christmas Eve boxes , Santa 'experiences' etc all plastered on SM to put more pressure on people to make the 'perfect' holiday

Myself and my partner always did big valentines days and we enjoyed them but over the years with kids and less time we still do something but smaller ,I personally aren't bothered about it no more but OH still came home with flowers, teddy chocolates etc for me ,our daughters and sons
Each to their own .I've been on both sides of going over the top the years later not being bothered, but as I said its up to people and their relationships whatvthey want to do or not do . I just scroll if I see the moaning and like the ones that have put something up x

@BestKnitterInScotland

Do you feel that about other celebrations and holidays? Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, and so on?

Absolutely. Pretty much every "event" which graces the seasonal aisle in a supermarket or Home Bargains.

The year is turning into one big long tat-fest.

And Halloween gives rise to just as much, if not more, landfill tat as Valentines.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

I mean, you're not allowed to enjoy anything on here tbf.

I love Valentine's Day and tbh if we had more money I'd happily buy DH presents for the occasion. But we don't have a lot of spare money so we celebrate by spending a bit more on a home cooked meal (with the better quality ingredients), spend a bit more than we usually would on a bottle of wine, and possibly rent a film if there is something we really want to see.

People on here however seem to kick off if their other half doesn't do grand romantic gestures and it does get rather tiring to keep reading several threads all complaining about the same thing.

Some of those who are slagging off Valentine's Day are trying to get others to see that if he treats you badly all year round and you are still disappointed on Valentine's Day, you've actually got bigger problems.

Others are just bitter people.

All fair points.

I hope you had a lovely day!

I’m not in a shit relationship. I’m in a very happy one. Guess what? We celebrate everything because life can be shit and monotonous day to day so it’s great to break it up with fun. We have a low key valentines flowers/wine/beer and a meal out. I don’t post about my relationship on social media bar the odd pic of us together.

We also celebrate Easter ( well we get an egg!) Christmas and what seems to be a big no no for adults according to mumsnet our birthdays too.Probably should add before someone clocks it, but no we don’t need fixed planned dates to have fun either.

It’s not the fact that people aren’t allowed to have different opinions,it’s the snipping, the digs about their love can be celebrated anytime not one day, it’s for teenagers, it’s commercial, it’s tacky, we are far too good for that blah blah. Pretty much like most posts nowadays where the op is often torn to shreds by certain posters just because they can under the guise of a difference of opinion.

@amiafreakofnature

You don't sound calm in the least. You are insanely defensive and rude to anyone answering the question you've posed. I've never seen such an angry person over such a benign issue

Seriously? You don’t see many angry people, do you?

Also DP and I generally don’t care about V-day. we agreed that we’d do big birthdays and our anniversary.
Last year we were down with covid for both. So I suggested we do something nicer this year and he exceeded expectations.

DP has many faults but not caring isn’t one of them…

@CounsellorTroi

BestKnitterInScotland I find it difficult to not pass comment when people are buying plastic landfill nonsense like foil balloons and hearts and decorations to "demonstrate their love" and then chucking the straight into landfill. Do you feel that about other celebrations and holidays? Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, and so on?

Well those things are really about kids/families aren’t they. So can’t possibly be tacky. And Valentines is about couples. So it’s less important and more tacky.

That’s an interesting perspective.

Some of us look for the joy in any day, that can be a snowdrop, laughter, a lick from the dog or a cheesy card covered in hearts. That is why I consider my loved ones birthdays (and mine!) a chance to show them, even more than every other day, that they mean the world to me. That is why an invitation to a wedding or a party is something I receive with pleasure.
Some of us don't like any of the above. I'm sure they find joy, I'm just not sure where.

@LittleGwyneth

Mumsnet has some very 'not like other girls' vibes. There's a hatred of the traditionally feminine (and I say that as a die-hard feminist). Liking traditionally girly things is reviled. You shouldn't want a big wedding, a pretty engagement ring, you shouldn't care about your appearance beyond being thin (being thin = very important). Anyone who gets botox or fillers is an idiot, there's a reverie around having daughters who love dinosaurs and climbing trees and hate Frozen. Valentine's Day is just one of the many things that can't be tolerated because it's feminine. It's internalised misogyny at its absolute core.

Oh shit - not liking botox or fillers is internalised misogyny?

@Sweetlikejollof

I find this so strange. If you don’t celebrate it, then that’s fine. Nobody is trying to make you.

However, some of us do celebrate it. And we enjoy it. So, why be rude about it? Why all the vitriol? Every year, multiple threads of people being remarkably unpleasant that others have the effrontery to celebrate something that they don’t personally care for. Why?!

And the ‘it’s commercial nonsense’ and ‘we celebrate our love every day’ arguments aren’t relevant here, as I’m not asking why you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (your relationship is entirely your business), I’m specifically asking why some people are rude about other people celebrating it.

Are they?

Calling someone a 'joy sponge' as a PP has done is pretty rude IMO. Insults, either way, are unnecessary.

Some people like Valentines Day and all that goes with it, some don't. You're better off just ignoring posts that you don't like, it doesnt really matter at the end of the day does it.

@Mirrorball2022

I’m not in a shit relationship. I’m in a very happy one. Guess what? We celebrate everything because life can be shit and monotonous day to day so it’s great to break it up with fun. We have a low key valentines flowers/wine/beer and a meal out. I don’t post about my relationship on social media bar the odd pic of us together.

We also celebrate Easter ( well we get an egg!) Christmas and what seems to be a big no no for adults according to mumsnet our birthdays too.Probably should add before someone clocks it, but no we don’t need fixed planned dates to have fun either.

It’s not the fact that people aren’t allowed to have different opinions,it’s the snipping, the digs about their love can be celebrated anytime not one day, it’s for teenagers, it’s commercial, it’s tacky, we are far too good for that blah blah. Pretty much like most posts nowadays where the op is often torn to shreds by certain posters just because they can under the guise of a difference of opinion.

Honestly I don’t know if it’s lockdown, or I was just too naive to notice it but MN has become a cesspit. Especially AIBU. Half the posters take great joy in tearing down the OP, or in attacking other posters, extrapolating. After a while I found myself becoming similar. So I went on an MN detox and after coming back… much calmer, but it seems to be more aggressive.

I don’t want to leave this site. There’s so much good advice (and I did receive some helpful posters for life issues). There’s no other site where women’s perspective can be discussed as openly.

I feel like deleting my account… but maybe I’ll just stick to other threads.

@sweetlikejollof

Of course I am not Christian so I dont celebrate those holidays. However as I live in s country that does I just benefit from having days off.

We have our own new yrs and I celebrate it then.

People aren't rude to other people who celebrate valentines day, you want to do that fine. However if your going to come moan about not getting a gift then expect an opinion about it. That opinion isn't rude in itself

I got annoyed on the Valentines thread, and it’s not because it’s Valentines as such, which we do something for but I’m not all that bothered about either way. It’s because I am fed up with some people using MN to make people feel small. I think those people are probably the ones whose life peaked in high school as a bully or the cool girl. This will probably be picked up as an insult to some - if you are reading this and you think it’s insulting, you are probably just having a nerve struck because it’s only calling out awful people

Because Valentines day, Christmas presents, Elf on the Shelf etc, put pressure on people who really don't have the money to waste on these things.

How must a child feel seeing Instagram posts about parents buying presents and balloons for their kids when they don't have enough money for essentials.

If you can afford to do things like that, then fine, just don't flaunt it.

I dislike that, like so many other lovely occasions and celebrations, it's morphed into yet another retail opportunity, encouraging people to buy tat they don't need, further harming our beleaguered planet. Don't have an issue with people marking special days at all, do have an issue with balloon bunches, bunting, glitter stars for decorating the breakfast table etc. all of which end up in the bin by Feb 15th.

@LocalHobo

Some of us look for the joy in any day, that can be a snowdrop, laughter, a lick from the dog or a cheesy card covered in hearts. That is why I consider my loved ones birthdays (and mine!) a chance to show them, even more than every other day, that they mean the world to me. That is why an invitation to a wedding or a party is something I receive with pleasure. Some of us don't like any of the above. I'm sure they find joy, I'm just not sure where.

That's a really nice way of putting it. I wonder though if people were kicking off about the gifts you bought if you would feel so generous?

Some people have good friend and family who generally do care, for others it just reinforces the fact their partner is shit. It's sad to see people valuing their worth over what kind of gift they got (or didn't get)

I agree OP, some people are just miserable bastards.

DH and I get each other a card and he bought me a box of chocolates which I never expected. We don’t go much further than that though simply because we can’t be arsed but if others want to make a big thing of it then fair enough.

I do get sick of people whinging that they haven’t had enough gifts or money spent on them though but I feel the same about birthdays and Christmas. Some people act like small children about things like this.

[quote Sweetlikejollof]@formalineadeline I haven’t stated that it’s rude for people to discuss something they dislike or that threads about how wonderful VD is are more valid than those that dislike it. Nor have I taken anything as a personal criticism.

My OP is neither long, nor complicated. As you clearly misunderstood it the first time, perhaps read it again.[/quote]
Any yet its other people who are being rude?

@WhatAHexIGotInto They are. And, by the same token, you could have just ignored my post.

@LittleGwyneth some women just aren't "girly". When I was little my parents bought me toy cars and meccano because I preferred my male cousins toys to my own. My sister liked dolls and dress up. Where did my "internalised misogyny" stem from? Some men are more feminine than others. People are different.