To ask why some people are SO rude about Valentine’s Day?

[Sweetlikejollof]

I find this so strange. If you don’t celebrate it, then that’s fine. Nobody is trying to make you.

However, some of us do celebrate it. And we enjoy it. So, why be rude about it? Why all the vitriol? Every year, multiple threads of people being remarkably unpleasant that others have the effrontery to celebrate something that they don’t personally care for. Why?!

And the ‘it’s commercial nonsense’ and ‘we celebrate our love every day’ arguments aren’t relevant here, as I’m not asking why you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (your relationship is entirely your business), I’m specifically asking why some people are rude about other people celebrating it.

@amiafreakofnature

Oh dear the op is still here berating many more people because she doesn't understand why someone doesn't feel the same as her 🥴interesting tea break reading

She’s berating people who attack posters about celebrating valentines. I don’t think you’ve quite understood

It seems to be too total extremes to me on here and on other certain SM sites.

You either get the "commercial bollocks, don't give a crap" or "omg look at the pictures of all my amazing gifts!!" There are no normal in between type people?

Weird.

FWIW after 14 years together we don't really acknowledge it but that doesn't mean I would be rude to anyone who did. Although I raised a smile when DH came back from Aldi after doing the food shop with a bunch of multicoloured roses with the 2.99 price sticker still on 😂 I thought it was lovely that he saw them and thought it would be nice. And we had a special meal but it was a takeaway treat as he didn't finish work until 8.30pm!

@SirChenjins

Oh dear, I hope you aren't too disturbed. I'd be questioning my own sanity if I found something so trivial to be disturbing to the point I saw actual disjointed rage. I do hope you're OK.

OK, now that we've roundly insulted each other's levels of sanity let's get back to the very serious business of Valentine's Day and the correct way to view this important event.

Again, blatant hypocrisy, no self awareness and a complete inability to address anything that’s said to you. Those are disturbing traits. There’s clearly something the matter with you, so I’m going to back away slowly.

I hope you enjoy continuing to be strangely dogged about something you allegedly find so very trivial.

Basically, if a person starts a thread upset about partner not celebrating valentines don’t bother going on to say ‘it’s all commercial rubbish’ or say horrible things to the poster who DOES want to celebrate it.
There is absolutely no need and to go to the effort of posting angry comments that aren’t helpful to an op. It shows you have issues

Mothers Day as celebrated today - it was originally about returning to your mother church where you were christened - and Father’s Day are also made up. Why aren’t they bashed as much as Valentine’s Day?

@CounsellorTroi

Mothers Day as celebrated today - it was originally about returning to your mother church where you were christened - and Father’s Day are also made up. Why aren’t they bashed as much as Valentine’s Day?

I don’t do those either beyond sending a card purely so I don’t get ear ache for not sending a card. And now the DC are older I’m not struck on Halloween or Christmas either. I think I just mentally switch off to ‘compulsory fun for everyone at set times’ sort of thing. DH and I give each other small but meaningful gifts at ad hoc times throughout the year and I like that. I wouldn’t be able to articulately bowled over by something he mindlessly grabbed from a huge pile of identical things in Tesco. Maybe be I should change my username to Grinch

Good grief not sure where ‘able to articulately’ even came from

You back away at whatever speed suits you best @Saysama, I'm sure our collective levels of sanity will cope with fast, slow or anything in between

13 posts this morning. Some huge paragraphs . Now that is over invested to the point of being nuts

@amiafreakofnature

13 posts this morning. Some huge paragraphs . Now that is over invested to the point of being nuts

You’ve posted on this thread dozens of times. You’re aware that we can all see this, yes?

I wouldn’t be able to articulately bowled over by something he mindlessly grabbed from a huge pile of identical things in Tesco.

Gifts for Valentines don’t actually need to be mass produced tat though. They can be anything meaningful. Don’t have to be flowers, red roses or chocolates in a heart shaped box or balloons. They can be anything.

@CounsellorTroi

I wouldn’t be able to articulately bowled over by something he mindlessly grabbed from a huge pile of identical things in Tesco.

Gifts for Valentines don’t actually need to be mass produced tat though. They can be anything meaningful. Don’t have to be flowers, red roses or chocolates in a heart shaped box or balloons. They can be anything.

Absolutely, it’s still Love Day For Everyone though. I suppose I think it’s a bit naff that everyone does romance on Feb 14th because that’s when it’s printed on the calendar. I’m just going to sit and comb my nice green fur

A lot of the responses here prove OP's point! I'm in a relationship where we do little things for each other all the time but we also did something for Valentine's because why not? And while I hate the wedding industrial complex, and don't want anything particularly big or exciting if/when I do get married, I also hate the attitude on Mumsnet where you're considered "grabby" - and dare I say there's an element of class snobbery involved here? - if you want more for your wedding than wearing jeans to the register office witnessed only by two vagrants picked up off the street!

I also think certain posters on here need to grasp that all holidays are "made up" at one point or another. I'm not an anthropology expert but I think that's how it tends to work, rather than digging holidays out of the ground.

I've posted twice this morning @Saysama 🤔
Sadly having a job stops me being able to worry about other peoples views on such a benign topic

@amiafreakofnature

I've posted twice this morning *@Saysama* 🤔 Sadly having a job stops me being able to worry about other peoples views on such a benign topic

You were posting on this thread until a bit before midnight, have posted thrice this morning and dozens of times in total (more than any other commenter). You are all over this thread from the beginning of the very first page.

So, by your own definition, you’re over invested to the point of being nuts and clearly haven’t stopped worrying about other people’s views on ‘such a benign topic’.

Nobody is trying to make you.

Wrong. Hallmark is. Tesco is. The florist is.

People asking WHAT you are doing for valentines if you are in a relationship.

People starting threads about why do people hate it, are you just bitter?

Why not celebrate quietly and accept some people dont like it and have as much right to say that as people that do.

And yes, I do judge gushing facebook posts tagging my love. Just write a fucking card. Tagging your love is as lame as writing happy birthday on each others Facebook- it's for show because presumably you will see them?!?

@SockFluffInTheBath Nobody is saying you need to to celebrate Love Day, though. If you think it’s naff, then you’re obviously entitled to your feelings (and to continue skipping it). That’s not what this thread is questioning.

@RealBecca

Nobody is trying to make you.

Wrong. Hallmark is. Tesco is. The florist is.

People asking WHAT you are doing for valentines if you are in a relationship.

People starting threads about why do people hate it, are you just bitter?

Why not celebrate quietly and accept some people dont like it and have as much right to say that as people that do.

And yes, I do judge gushing facebook posts tagging my love. Just write a fucking card. Tagging your love is as lame as writing happy birthday on each others Facebook- it's for show because presumably you will see them?!?

Those aren’t people who enjoy celebrating Valentine’s Day, those are corporations. If you want to rage at them, be my guest.

However, why don’t you quietly accept that some people do like it? Why is the onus on the people who enjoy it to be quiet?

it's just a bit of fun and people are making assumptions on people's entire relationships. People act like they never celebrate anything and they're just so mature- sounds rather joyless.

I don't really do anything besides use it as an excuse to buy gin, but the way people are so mad that others celebrate comes across very salty. I really could not care what others do because we still have a cosy evening in round my place.

I suppose it depends on what it's in response to. I agree with PPs that there's a sort of competitive austerity behind it with some people, I hadn't actually noticed it before but it's definitely true. And some people just enjoy a good argument.

On the other hand, I think that Valentine's Day can be a real flashpoint if you're in an unsatisfying relationship. The amount of commercialisation around it makes it worse because people have much higher expectations and, therefore, are proportionally more disappointed when things don't go how they wanted. It seems quite valid to point out the pitfalls of this in response to a post about being disappointed with what you got etc etc.

I don't really do anything besides use it as an excuse to buy gin

Now that sounds like a plan!

I think what I find irritating about the anti-Valentiners is that for many of them, it seems if you confess to celebrating Valentine's Day at all then in their minds this automatically means you buy loads of plastic 'tat' and chuck it away on Feb 15th. There's a wilful blindness to the fact that there are other ways to celebrate that don't involve red plastic hearts, garage forecourt flowers and set menu meals in a local pub chain, and I think it's that implied sneering at 'populist' ways of marking the day that gets people's backs up, including I guess the OP. Like so much elsewhere on MN - or in AIBU anyway - there's an unpleasant classist edge to comments like that, with the implication that the poster is Far Too Tasteful to indulge in vulgar lower-middle or working class ostentation.

I haven't seen much anti valentine stuff on here. I'm not anti valentine I just don't celebrate but if others do thats okay.

I'm just anti moaning that your gift wasn't big enough or expensive enough or the effort put in wasn't enough. Its like he did something and got you something its a gift be gracious about that.

I dont understand why complain about presents and gifts given to you regardless of the occasion, I think that in itself is rude.

@Sweetlikejollof

I find this so strange. If you don’t celebrate it, then that’s fine. Nobody is trying to make you.

However, some of us do celebrate it. And we enjoy it. So, why be rude about it? Why all the vitriol? Every year, multiple threads of people being remarkably unpleasant that others have the effrontery to celebrate something that they don’t personally care for. Why?!

And the ‘it’s commercial nonsense’ and ‘we celebrate our love every day’ arguments aren’t relevant here, as I’m not asking why you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (your relationship is entirely your business), I’m specifically asking why some people are rude about other people celebrating it.

Because most of them do not have clue on its origins, it's become a manipulative con by retailers to get people to spend money on bollocks.