To ask why some people are SO rude about Valentine’s Day?

[Sweetlikejollof]

I find this so strange. If you don’t celebrate it, then that’s fine. Nobody is trying to make you.

However, some of us do celebrate it. And we enjoy it. So, why be rude about it? Why all the vitriol? Every year, multiple threads of people being remarkably unpleasant that others have the effrontery to celebrate something that they don’t personally care for. Why?!

And the ‘it’s commercial nonsense’ and ‘we celebrate our love every day’ arguments aren’t relevant here, as I’m not asking why you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (your relationship is entirely your business), I’m specifically asking why some people are rude about other people celebrating it.

@Ipadflowers

Honestly the threads I saw on it were women complaining their gifts weren’t good enough or they didn’t get proposed to. There was very little positivity. It was mainly folks posting how their partner didn’t do what they wished, with a couple of rays of sunshine in between.

That’s a fair point.

Because they a probably unhappy spiteful people who are only happy when trying to make others feel rubbish

I don’t celebrate it but I didn’t care either way if other people do. However, if I comment on a thread here, it is because the thread is somebody whining that they got their bouquet wasn’t big enough or their partner doesn’t celebrate it, which apparently isn’t ok.

@TTstormtrooper

To be blunt, I think people who buy into valentines are mugs. It is a con.

When I was younger, my friend's partner beat her frequently. She stayed with him for years. Her exact words were 'He must love me because he takes me put for dinner on valentines day'.

It is a day for show to excuse vile and behaviour that is not loving in anyway whatsoever for the other 364 days.

This is true in the same way as gushing Facebook posts are often a front for unhappy or abusive relationships.

But not everyone who celebrates Valentine’s Day is in an abusive relationship.

@TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet

Because the threads are usually whinging either about not getting enough special treatment, not enough money being spent, not getting a proposal, or just like your post, whinging about other people being “rude” and some of us think it’s fucking stupid.

That.

I am not one of the 'rude' ones btw but I can see how it all wears a bit thin for some people. Back in the day it used to be an anonymous card, not such a big thing.

When my husband was alive we exchanged cards and gave each other a small present, especially in latter years, but had we forgotten or not got around to it, we wouldn't have been bothered.

I hope you received what you hoped for, op, but don't be mean about those who dislike the commercialism of Valentine's day. Anyway you can ignore them, can you not?

@LittleGwyneth

Mumsnet has some very 'not like other girls' vibes. There's a hatred of the traditionally feminine (and I say that as a die-hard feminist). Liking traditionally girly things is reviled. You shouldn't want a big wedding, a pretty engagement ring, you shouldn't care about your appearance beyond being thin (being thin = very important). Anyone who gets botox or fillers is an idiot, there's a reverie around having daughters who love dinosaurs and climbing trees and hate Frozen. Valentine's Day is just one of the many things that can't be tolerated because it's feminine. It's internalised misogyny at its absolute core.

It's not feminine though, is it? It is the celebration of a Catholic Saint who got killed because he performed illegal marriages, is it not?

@BeefSupreme

To ask why some people are SO rude?

Are you new to Mumsnet? There's nothing people won't be rude about on here.

Or the internet in general .

I love the ones where they have agreed not to buy each other anything but then the OP bought him something and is upset that he didn't buy her anything even though that was what was agreed in the first place.

@TTstormtrooper you’re proving Gwyneth’s point nicely..

Are you new to Mumsnet? There's nothing people won't be rude about on here.

Did you mean to be so rude? 😄

OP I think your argument is a bit of a straw man. I haven't seen much rudeness about people just celebrating Valentine's Day in a nice, loving sort of way, a card and a box of chocs for your partner or whatever.

What gets people's goat IME is when people celebrate it and then get massively fucked off because they don't get what they want/ go hugely overboard/ spend the value of a small house on a day which many people consider completely ridiculous. That brings out a lot of those people's sense of the absurd, that's all.

People's rudeness- about this or about anything, really- is usually proportionate to the fuss that's being made about it.

@TTstormtrooper Holidays, much like other customs, evolve. It’s roots are not feminine, but in its modern incarnation, Valentine’s Day is very much a ‘girly’ holiday in most people’s minds.

I think the simple answer if that this is a site where people give their opinions on stuff that happens. And they aren't moderated into saying it nicely. And some of those opinions won't be yours. And you may find annoying.

For me personally, I'm a little bit about it because it seems like yet another excuse for companies to churn out single use plastic tat that is completely unnecessary. (And when I was younger, single and had very little self esteem, it used to get me a little upset, I must say).

Yes people are entitled to celebrate whatever they wish, but with Valentine's Day specifically it seems like a made up day to make us spend money, and the plastic waste bothers me.

The thing is with Valentine's Day people have this view that making an effort on Valentine's Day means your love is pure/he makes the effort. Making an effort doesn't mean buying stuff. Especially just on a day when you are meant to. That's kind of the opposite to making an effort. this. I am always a bit at the posters who say things like “well, he should realise that it’s important to you and so should make an effort.” But actually, making an effort means just putting together something for the sake of it, not because it has any meaning.

There is no way on this earth I would be going out to buy cards/presents/book meals out to pander to someone’s need to be recognised on a day just because of the date. When my DP was married his ex had an expectation of what was to happen on valentines. The biggest bunch of flowers/presents/ and if he didn’t get exactly what she wanted she let him know in no uncertain terms.

And then there’s the peer pressure. When we got together his colleagues told him that he had to go all out for Valentines, that I obviously was just saying I didn’t want a fuss and clearly didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t do Valentines. So it’s not just the pressure from the partner, it’s the pressure from society, a huge part of which stands to gain financially, the card industry, flower industry, hospitality and the list goes on all put up their prices purely because “it’s Valentines.”

I agree, OP

Some people are complete joy sponges.

And social media has apparently made it worse. Competitive family/partner love. #feelingblessed etc.

Barf.

I don't really buy into Valentine's Day, if find all those types of holiday a bit meh. I don't comment on the threads, but I don't really understand the mentality of being upset because the poster deemed their other half hadn't put enough effort in, it's like setting yourself up to fail, especially if the other half is generally pretty crap at gifts etc.. in general.
It's just a day where some people are happy, some people are sad because they feel alone with no one to celebrate with, some people are sad because it's another way for their partners to fuck up and not remember or buy the right gift.
So I can comment on why people are rude in your opinion, but it does irritate me reading threads that are just full of moaning about Valentine's Day, so maybe other people feel the same and are trying to tell other posters if they just let go of all the societal pressure and expectations they might find themselves happier?

@Miriam101 This was prompted by a thread that is still going. You can pop over and have look, if you’d like. The OP asked what people got/did for Valentine’s Day. No boasting, no complaining, no fuss - no absurdity whatsoever. Lots of the responses were incredibly unpleasant and I was wondering why that is.

I mean, you're not allowed to enjoy anything on here tbf.

I love Valentine's Day and tbh if we had more money I'd happily buy DH presents for the occasion. But we don't have a lot of spare money so we celebrate by spending a bit more on a home cooked meal (with the better quality ingredients), spend a bit more than we usually would on a bottle of wine, and possibly rent a film if there is something we really want to see.

People on here however seem to kick off if their other half doesn't do grand romantic gestures and it does get rather tiring to keep reading several threads all complaining about the same thing.

Some of those who are slagging off Valentine's Day are trying to get others to see that if he treats you badly all year round and you are still disappointed on Valentine's Day, you've actually got bigger problems.

Others are just bitter people.

@nothingmorethanthis

I think the simple answer if that this is a site where people give their opinions on stuff that happens. And they aren't moderated into saying it nicely. And some of those opinions won't be yours. And you may find annoying.

This is basically the only real answer, isn’t it?

Holidays evolve due to marketing/commercialism usually
My DH would always get me something but he is a massive nob in other ways

@mathanxiety

I agree, OP

Some people are complete joy sponges.

I do wonder if the whole MN snobbery thing is just a form of jealousy

These people live such restricted lives - not buying things they secretly like because they’re ‘tacky’, not calling their kids what they want because ‘I can’t imagine a high court judge with that name’ (I mean what are the odds of your kid ending up a high court judge anyway?), never taking a moment to indulge in a bit of decadence even at their own wedding.

I mean; where does all this loss of joy/personality end up? There’s no ‘MN good taste’ prize, and very few people truly give a shit what you do or how you decorate your house anyway.

It’s very insecure in my opinion.

BestKnitterInScotland
I find it difficult to not pass comment when people are buying plastic landfill nonsense like foil balloons and hearts and decorations to "demonstrate their love" and then chucking the straight into landfill.
Do you feel that about other celebrations and holidays? Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, and so on?

Well those things are really about kids/families aren’t they. So can’t possibly be tacky. And Valentines is about couples. So it’s less important and more tacky.

@HesterShaw1

For me personally, I'm a little bit about it because it seems like yet another excuse for companies to churn out single use plastic tat that is completely unnecessary. (And when I was younger, single and had very little self esteem, it used to get me a little upset, I must say).

Yes people are entitled to celebrate whatever they wish, but with Valentine's Day specifically it seems like a made up day to make us spend money, and the plastic waste bothers me.

All holidays/celebration days are made up, though. And they are all commercialised - none so much as Christmas. Yet, only Valentine’s Day seems to generate quite this level of bile (not talking about you, just generally).