To ask why some people are SO rude about Valentine’s Day?

[Sweetlikejollof]

I find this so strange. If you don’t celebrate it, then that’s fine. Nobody is trying to make you.

However, some of us do celebrate it. And we enjoy it. So, why be rude about it? Why all the vitriol? Every year, multiple threads of people being remarkably unpleasant that others have the effrontery to celebrate something that they don’t personally care for. Why?!

And the ‘it’s commercial nonsense’ and ‘we celebrate our love every day’ arguments aren’t relevant here, as I’m not asking why you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (your relationship is entirely your business), I’m specifically asking why some people are rude about other people celebrating it.

@TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet

Because the threads are usually whinging either about not getting enough special treatment, not enough money being spent, not getting a proposal, or just like your post, whinging about other people being “rude” and some of us think it’s fucking stupid.

I'm with this. Couldn't care less who celebrates and who doesn't, but do it quietly ffs. Yesterday there was an inordinate number of posts trending from whinging ungrateful people, couldn't refresh Active without tripping over another one.

Cos it's tacky. Mumsnet dont do tacky.

@TTstormtrooper

I'm going to start of my rant now. Sorry.

I have seen so many mediocre/shit/abusive relationships and every single one of them have done grand displays and gestures on valentines day. The people who IMO have positive relationships are the ones where a partner does stuff like buys their SO their favourtie food on a random Wednesday afternoon because they've had a long day at work and they wanted to cheer them up.

So my DH does little gestures all year for me but we also celebrate valentines day. So where do we fit in to your sweeping generalisation?

@BestKnitterInScotland

I find it difficult to not pass comment when people are buying plastic landfill nonsense like foil balloons and hearts and decorations to "demonstrate their love" and then chucking the straight into landfill.

Do you feel that about other celebrations and holidays? Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, and so on?

Well for one, the origins of valentines day comes from celebrating a pagan festival. I follow a different religion so I wont celebrate it.

Granted it then evolved and has become more commercialised so for me that in itself is off putting for me.

What is super annoying are those people who start threads complaining they didn't get much. Since when did valentines day explicitly mean doing grand gestures like going away for the weekend or expensive things. That is rooted in social pressure not anything to do with the meaning of valentines day.

I also have a mindset where you show you love throughout the yr not relying heavily on one day to prove it.

So for those reasons I think people are mugs.

People have started doing this with Christmas too. Fluff off if you don’t want to celebrate somebody else’s religious festival because you find it too commercial. It’s actually not compulsory.

@LittleGwyneth There is an AMAZING piece by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie about exactly this. The denigration of ’girly’ pursuits/interests and how deeply entrenched it is in modern culture, even ostensibly feminist culture. You’ve expressed it really well, but I’ll see if I can find a link to the piece, as she writes on it quite beautifully.

@Ionlydomassiveones

Isn’t it weird how rude people are always the first to rudely accuse others of being rude? Reflect on your own response to the ‘it’s tacky’ ‘it’s commercialised’ ‘it’s for teenagers’ ‘it’s actually the most unromantic thing’… why does it upset you when people say these things? Is it because you know deep down it’s true, and that is as good as you’re going to get?

Oh, dear Lord. 😂

This is why...year after year after year of utter fucking drival.

He forgot and I am devastated.
He said we were not doing it this year and I bought him a car and he didn't even make me a sambo.
He bought me petrol station flowers..the Gobshite.
He spent €200 quid on Blood Red Roses and we have no money for food..the gobshite.
His Valentine's Card said "friend".
He didn't cut my toast into love hearts.
I put on Valentines lingerie and he locked himself in the bathroom for a wank.
He bought me Quality Street and I only Like Lindor.
I feel so unloved/unappreciated/undervalued/taken for granted.
My friend Pauline got a trip to the Bahamas and my BF only got me the Meal Deal from Tesco.
Valley's Day is so important to me and he doesn't care, it is so hurtful.
The kids made cards but Hubby left me nothing this morning except toast crumbs on the counter, I am so gutted and hurt.

Blah
Blah
Blah

Generally the people who post about their big valentines days on social media are the ones who are in shit relationships the rest of the year.

And often the ones who complain about no effort having been made is because the partner makes no effort the rest of the year so they seem to be hopeful that Valentine’s Day will be different, when actually, their relationship is just shit, and no amount of valentines will change that.

The people who have loving relationships the rest of the year and who happen to do something on Valentine’s Day tend not to need to tell the world about it, because their relationship is already normal and Valentines is just a part of that.

YANBU

It’s part of the competitive Puritanism that has swept the nation. Anything remotely frivolous or slightly commercialised must be stamped on. We must live in draughty Victorian houses with nothing but a tin of F&B paint to decorate it with. Anything else is naff & tacky.

Valentine's is a very marmite issue. You're allowed to talk about your take on it,.no thread is reserve for like-minded.people thank goodness

It’s probably because grand gestures and big displays of affection are often associated with crap relationships. It’s like huge weddings are (sometimes) a marker of a terrible marriage.

@Pyri

I actually agree with this, I personally don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day and I find some of the commercialism around it a bit tacky, but for those who love and enjoy it then go them.

A bit like religion really.

However, the complete snobbishness of MN is really tiring sometimes. There’s a competitive element of who can give the smallest shit. Ie, proposals are tacky. weddings are tacky. If you spend more than £12 on the wedding and wear more than a bin bag you’re destined for a short and unhappy marriage because you clearly are a grabby bitch only doing it for attention. Any public display of affection is tacky. Friendships are unnecessary. New clothes are unnecessary. If you buy anything fancier than a north face fleece you’re an attention seeking wench with money to burn.

On and on. It’s tiring. It doesn’t make you better people with better relationships.

Very well put

Do you feel that about other celebrations and holidays? Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, and so on?

Absolutely. Pretty much every "event" which graces the seasonal aisle in a supermarket or Home Bargains.

The year is turning into one big long tat-fest.

Superiority complex.
Jealously.
Insecurity.

@Uafasach

To be fair to MN, posters on here are equal opportunity objectors to lots of celebrations - see also baby showers, gender reveals, weddings (particularly child-free and requiring travel).

🤣🤣

@Dreamstate

Well for one, the origins of valentines day comes from celebrating a pagan festival. I follow a different religion so I wont celebrate it.

Granted it then evolved and has become more commercialised so for me that in itself is off putting for me.

What is super annoying are those people who start threads complaining they didn't get much. Since when did valentines day explicitly mean doing grand gestures like going away for the weekend or expensive things. That is rooted in social pressure not anything to do with the meaning of valentines day.

I also have a mindset where you show you love throughout the yr not relying heavily on one day to prove it.

So for those reasons I think people are mugs.

Do you feel the same way about all holidays with pagan origins? Christmas? New Year? Halloween? If so, fair enough.

I maintain that showing love throughout the year and celebration Valentine’s Day aren’t mutually exclusive. However, if people don’t want to celebrate it, that’s completely up to them. My OP isn’t asking about that, it’s asking why people are rude about other people celebrating it.

The thing is with Valentine's Day people have this view that making an effort on Valentine's Day means your love is pure/he makes the effort. Making an effort doesn't mean buying stuff. Especially just on a day when you are meant to. That's kind of the opposite to making an effort.
Saying that I would be pissed

Honestly the threads I saw on it were women complaining their gifts weren’t good enough or they didn’t get proposed to. There was very little positivity. It was mainly folks posting how their partner didn’t do what they wished, with a couple of rays of sunshine in between.

@Satingreenshutters

This is why...year after year after year of utter fucking drival.

He forgot and I am devastated.
He said we were not doing it this year and I bought him a car and he didn't even make me a sambo.
He bought me petrol station flowers..the Gobshite.
He spent €200 quid on Blood Red Roses and we have no money for food..the gobshite.
His Valentine's Card said "friend".
He didn't cut my toast into love hearts.
I put on Valentines lingerie and he locked himself in the bathroom for a wank.
He bought me Quality Street and I only Like Lindor.
I feel so unloved/unappreciated/undervalued/taken for granted.
My friend Pauline got a trip to the Bahamas and my BF only got me the Meal Deal from Tesco.
Valley's Day is so important to me and he doesn't care, it is so hurtful.
The kids made cards but Hubby left me nothing this morning except toast crumbs on the counter, I am so gutted and hurt.

Blah
Blah
Blah

This made me chuckle!

Posted too soon
I would be pissed if I didn't get it
In answer to your question- you do realise this is a talk board where people post all sorts of views

@Cheekypeach

YANBU

It’s part of the competitive Puritanism that has swept the nation. Anything remotely frivolous or slightly commercialised must be stamped on. We must live in draughty Victorian houses with nothing but a tin of F&B paint to decorate it with. Anything else is naff & tacky.

The paint is very important 😂😂😂

Valentines Day grinds sone people's gears because it's men (usually) marking the occasion via buying gifts for/celebrating with their woman and theres not much love for men around here. So attempting to shit on your parade is par for the course.

Aside from that, what LittleGwyneth said