To ask why some people are SO rude about Valentine’s Day?

[Sweetlikejollof]

I find this so strange. If you don’t celebrate it, then that’s fine. Nobody is trying to make you.

However, some of us do celebrate it. And we enjoy it. So, why be rude about it? Why all the vitriol? Every year, multiple threads of people being remarkably unpleasant that others have the effrontery to celebrate something that they don’t personally care for. Why?!

And the ‘it’s commercial nonsense’ and ‘we celebrate our love every day’ arguments aren’t relevant here, as I’m not asking why you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (your relationship is entirely your business), I’m specifically asking why some people are rude about other people celebrating it.

It’s not rude to say it’s a commercial waste of money and most of us couldn’t care less that people want to parade it on SM . Maybe do it quietly and nobody would be rude !!

I agree op.
I’ve had many a crap Valentine’s Day.
I never got cards when I was younger, nobody fancied me. My ex sometimes put effort in but often made me feel quite worthless and unspecial.
Now I’m with dh and he always makes an effort. Bought me chocolate and flowers but the really special thing for me was that he cooked a fabulous meal.
I feel I can’t tell anyone I work with as :
A) they are either at the stage I was with my ex where romance is truly dead.
B) they are single but not through choice.

Had a lovely Valentines Day its nice every year.

Very strange how celebrating every other commercialised moneymaker from babyshowers to halloween to christmas doesnt draw so much froth.

Then again maybe not so strange as any display to do with love between couples seems to upset so many. Maybe its more so an online thing and they keep it zipped in real life then angrily offload online, because in real life I dont ever hear moany complaints.

Unless its grown up DCs or close friends I dont even know what others do for Valentines Day and its probably the same vice versa.

@DeeCeeCherry

Had a lovely Valentines Day its nice every year.

Very strange how celebrating every other commercialised moneymaker from babyshowers to halloween to christmas doesnt draw so much froth.

Then again maybe not so strange as any display to do with love between couples seems to upset so many. Maybe its more so an online thing and they keep it zipped in real life then angrily offload online, because in real life I dont ever hear moany complaints.

Unless its grown up DCs or close friends I dont even know what others do for Valentines Day and its probably the same vice versa.

I don't think I really agree with you that other holidays don't bring out the frothers. I do notice during every holiday there are posts on here slating x y z about them. Christmas in particular, especially about EOAS and xmas eve boxes. Halloween gets A LOT of negative posts on here, people saying it is all americanised and moaning about trick or treaters.

@Cheekypeach

What is tat? Can any of you valentines Scrooges tell me?

Anything I don’t like

Well bloody hell this thread escalated! I was a bit harsh earlier, pejorative and sounded scornful, I’m sorry for that. I’ve genuinely never been a hearts and flowers (and cuddly hedgehog) kind of gal. My ex used to go all out with chocs & flowers and I’d be ‘oh thanks’ DH learned it was a wasted effort pretty early on and he’s not fussed either so win-win I’m not bitter or jealous of your gifts, though maybe jealous of whoever it is who gets shagged most nights

Peace and (valentine’s) love

Ps I wasn’t the ugly girl at school who got no cards either, but thanks for that assumption

@JuergenSchwarzwald

I think it's silly commercial nonsense - but it also badly affects the mental health of some single people.

Also - if you have a birthday on 14th Feb you're stuffed. You can't go out for a meal and not get ripped off. My birthday is not 14th Feb but Mother's Day occasionally falls on my birthday so I have a less frequent but similar problem.

My birthday actually is on Christmas Day! And, no, I’ve never felt that was a negative thing. I quite like it, actually.

Like most people, I’ve also been single on Valentine’s and quite enjoyed it. However, I can’t disagree that it can have a negative impact on some people’s mental health. The same can be said of any holiday or day of celebration, though. Being alone at Christmas causes profound depression and it’s highly commercialised in this country, but people who enjoy and celebrate Christmas don’t get called airheads.

It’s interesting.

@twominutesmore I can’t disagree with any of that.

@Gardeningcreature I’m really pleased that you’re now with someone who makes you feel appreciated. 💗

@OmgIThinkILikeYou The people who complain about Halloween being ‘American’ often seem to genuinely have no idea that Ireland has been celebrating it for more than a thousand years. I’ve seen people go very quiet when it’s pointed out.

@SockFluffInTheBath All good. We all enjoy different things, and it keeps the world interesting.

And I’m not sure who called you the ugly girl at school, but I’m sorry it happened on this thread.

"people who enjoy and celebrate Christmas don’t get called airheads."

People who brag about their gifts on sm, or post photos of their kids atop a giant pile do actually come in for a lot of criticism on here.

I think it's bragging that people don't like really. Or thoughtlessness, since it is possible that some people don't necessarily intend to brag. Like people who post Mother's Day stuff without thinking about the people who have lost their mum, or who are desperate to be a mum.

Being alone at Christmas causes profound depression and it’s highly commercialised in this country, but people who enjoy and celebrate Christmas don’t get called airheads

I agree. There’s a real vitriol for Valentine’s celebrators. Wonder why
If it’s commercialism I guess those posters don’t do Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, have never written a Christmas card etc either?
I also can’t imagine anyone being disappointed that their partner had done something thoughtful on Valentine’s Day for them. I’m sure the anti valentines posters would be secretly happy to have a special meal cooked for them with a nice bottle of wine. It doesn’t have to be over priced roses and chocolates but it’s nice when your partner makes an effort especially when everyone else in the world is doing the same. Your partner can still be wonderful the other days of the year too.

[quote Sweetlikejollof]@OmgIThinkILikeYou The people who complain about Halloween being ‘American’ often seem to genuinely have no idea that Ireland has been celebrating it for more than a thousand years. I’ve seen people go very quiet when it’s pointed out.[/quote]
The current incarnation of Halloween bears no relation to the original, ancient festivals.

@twominutesmore

"people who enjoy and celebrate Christmas don’t get called airheads."

People who brag about their gifts on sm, or post photos of their kids atop a giant pile do actually come in for a lot of criticism on here.

I think it's bragging that people don't like really. Or thoughtlessness, since it is possible that some people don't necessarily intend to brag. Like people who post Mother's Day stuff without thinking about the people who have lost their mum, or who are desperate to be a mum.

I had an infertility struggle for many years, with numerous losses and the pain of scans being posted every where made me delete am. However, I don’t begrudge those people. If the issue lies with you, because of sensitivities in your own life, you can’t expect the world to stop celebrating and being joyous and wanting to share that joy. Of course, if it’s your friend or sibling and you know they are struggling with something but shove it in their faces that’s completely different

@twominutesmore

I have no objection to Valentine's Day at all. It's no dafter or more commercial than any other celebration imo and a nice excuse to do something extra-special for someone you love even if you have a fantastic relationship on the other 364 days of the year too.

However, I do think it is very tedious if people can't celebrate these things privately and with some consideration for those around them who are single, divorced or bereaved. In rl I nod and smile but judge the airheads who post their gifts all over sm. But on mn we don't have to nod and smile do we? It's anonymous and therefore honest. By starting a thread, you invite comments and really shouldn't be surprised if at least some of them are from hurt people, sad people, lonely people or people who do just genuinely think it's all nonsense and can't understand why anyone would celebrate it.

I think the trick is to enjoy your lovely relationship and lovely Valentine's celebration privately or be so secure in your choices that you don't care what others think.

Pretty spot on.

@HelloFrostyMorning

100% agree *@Sweetlikejollof* Everyone I know in real life (in a couple,) celebrates it, if only with a card and a bunch of carnations from Morrisons. Yet on mumsnet, at LEAST 3 out of 5 people claim it's all rubbish, commercialism, faff, fluff, pathetic, childish, wet, and stupid. And only childish idiots partake in it.

My friends DD (28) had a lovely cuddly toy hedgehog off her boyfriend yesterday, and a woman in her office - 5 years old and single (shocker!) laughed at her and mocked her, and said 'fuck me, are you 5?' And hollared loud enough so that everyone could hear. Nasty jealous little bitch.

I genuinely don't know anyone who does celebrate. I feel a bit guilty about this but one of my colleagues wanted to speak to me at the end of the day on Monday and said 'I'll be quick - I need to get home early as it's Valentine's Day.' I was honestly surprised and my immediate reaction was 'really? You do that?'. I hope he hasn't branded me a nasty bitch.

@twominutesmore

"people who enjoy and celebrate Christmas don’t get called airheads."

People who brag about their gifts on sm, or post photos of their kids atop a giant pile do actually come in for a lot of criticism on here.

I think it's bragging that people don't like really. Or thoughtlessness, since it is possible that some people don't necessarily intend to brag. Like people who post Mother's Day stuff without thinking about the people who have lost their mum, or who are desperate to be a mum.

I said ‘enjoy and celebrate’, I said nothing about bragging with regards to either Christmas or Valentine’s Day. Unless you believe any mention of something good happening to someone else is considered ‘bragging’, then it’s not really relevant to what I’ve said.

And, to use your example, Mother’s Day is about celebrating mothers. I, personally, consider that to be a beautiful thing. People cannot be expected not to celebrate mothers or post on their own social media because others have lost their mothers or are desperate to become a mother. It’s not a reasonable expectation. People get to express and share joy. The onus is on the people for whom this is triggering to find ways of dealing with it (which can be as simple as unfollowing), not on the people celebrating to dim their lights.

I think this has been slowly building up over the years on social media...I remember around about 12 years ago the trend was loads and loads of gushy posts with flowers and showcasing all their gifts and how wonderful their other halves were, etc..... a handful of funny and silly roses are red gags and then maybe a pinch of those who dared to admit they were having a god damn awful time valentines haters feeling low and fed up with it all

These days its the opposite - It's trendy to say how anti valentines you are, or not say or do anything (the masses) and only a few who dare to share they are getting all romantic ...like it's almost a bit cringey and embarrasing

I say enjoy your day however you choose to spend it - no need to put others flames out, I'm sure they aren't intending to rub it in (If you happen to hate it) I'm sure it's nothing personal - everyone is in their own little world out there

The current incarnation of Halloween bears no relation to the original, ancient festivals

All holidays evolve. They are not required to stay exactly the same in order to be part of a deeply rooted tradition dating back for centuries or to be an important part of the culture.

"All holidays evolve. They are not required to stay exactly the same in order to be part of a deeply rooted tradition dating back for centuries or to be an important part of the culture."

I know. But when people refer to Halloween, as it is now, as being heavily influenced by the US, they are not wrong imo.

"People get to express and share joy. The onus is on the people for whom this is triggering to find ways of dealing with it"

I don't disagree. But you wondered why sharing the Valentine's Day joy can get up some people's noses and invite criticism, and that's my take on it.

@twominutesmore If they think it’s American and have no idea it’s been celebrated in Ireland for over a thousand years (which is what I said), they certainly are wrong.

@twominutesmore

"People get to express and share joy. The onus is on the people for whom this is triggering to find ways of dealing with it"

I don't disagree. But you wondered why sharing the Valentine's Day joy can get up some people's noses and invite criticism, and that's my take on it.

Fair enough.

Personally I haven’t been arsed about Valentine’s Day since I was a teenager.

It’s always felt more like a kind of ‘teens sending a card to the boy they fancy’ kind of thing. And once I got older I just thought it was a load of cheesy bollocks.

However, if other people want to celebrate it, that’s their prerogative. Doesn’t really bother or affect me in any way, so you crack on and do what makes you happy.

I think the only slight irritation I have is the hundreds of stealth brags on my Facebook newsfeed from people posting about how romantic their partner is and what they’ve bought them. “OMG how amazing is my man! Look what he did for me…” bla bla.

My partner has the same on his Facebook. So we generally tend to stay off Facebook around Valentines Day for this reason