Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strippers

280 replies

blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 12:23

Hey,

What's everyone's opinions on their OHs going to strip clubs?

For those who aren't bothered by it, what's your reasons for this?

Trying to settle my anxiety around DH who is currently getting ready to go away abroad on his brothers stag do.

We have had a discussion prior to him going and both seemed to be on the same page and that he would sit out if the group were planning on going to a club however I'd hate for him to be left out if it's a case of me overreacting!

For me I don't see it as any different from a work colleague stripping naked in front of him so why would it be okay just because money is handed over but again I do have low self esteem. I also hate the thought of potential trafficking and not knowing if the girls are happy to be doing this job. DH has always said that he finds clubs sleezy and not for him, he says that he would not find them arousing in the slightest however I worry he only feels this way as he would hate to upset me.

I know I need to trust his word and I have no reason to doubt him yet but would be interested in hearing other peoples opinions.

OP posts:
ManicPixie · 15/02/2022 17:04

I might be revealing my nativity but are trafficked women really that common in strip clubs? Prostitution I can imagine, but stripping’s a rather different discipline and clientele…

Xztop · 15/02/2022 17:04

Ex dh used to go, I was never bothered. I wasn't insecure in our relationship. What would have pissed me off is if he spent lots of money!

tygga · 15/02/2022 17:07

I can say wholeheartedly I never wanted to sleep with a customer so that part wouldn’t worry me.

Based on my experience visiting a few in my uni days, who would! 😆

Soontobe60 · 15/02/2022 17:09

@PurpleDaisies

It’s normalising exploitation of women often in awful circumstances. Dh wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t respect a man who did. It’s a red line for me.
I agree. I’ve just asked my Dh and he said there’s no way he’d go.
OhItsSpicyy · 15/02/2022 17:11

@tygga

I can say wholeheartedly I never wanted to sleep with a customer so that part wouldn’t worry me.

Based on my experience visiting a few in my uni days, who would! 😆

I think a lot of people have worries that dancers offer extras but in my experience that’s really not the case. If you look on sites like adult work where people offer full service sex work, the price a lot of them have is often the same as it would cost to take a dancer into VIP for an hour.

I was often offended when men would offer me £250 to come home with them because that would buy an hours dance in the club!

Soontobe60 · 15/02/2022 17:11

@ManicPixie

I might be revealing my nativity but are trafficked women really that common in strip clubs? Prostitution I can imagine, but stripping’s a rather different discipline and clientele…
This is a US website, but it’s very clear that there is a definite link between strip clubs and trafficking. humantraffickinghotline.org/sex-trafficking-venuesindustries/hostessstrip-club-based
Stripperyone · 15/02/2022 17:14

I'm a lesbian (quite common for strippers IME!) and funnily enough havent ever wanted to sleep with a customer either.
Wouldn't bother me if my partner went to a strip club. I'd probably want to go tooGrin

Colderthanever · 15/02/2022 17:14

As long as it’s a reputable club then all good with me. The women are earning well and treated well. I really can’t get how you think it’s the same as his colleague getting her kecks off. What an unusual thought.

I have no issue with my partner seeing naked women. I just expect him to ensure it’s a reputable establishment and behave with decency when there

Howver on saying that, I mean for a stag do. I’d certainly not like it if he was going every weekend and would think he was a right perv.

tygga · 15/02/2022 17:16

I think a lot of people have worries that dancers offer extras but in my experience that’s really not the case.

I agree, having said that if I was a stripper & Tom Hardy came in I would definitely be like rules, smules 😭

PurpleCarpets · 15/02/2022 17:17

For me I don't see it as any different from a work colleague stripping naked in front of him

Different people do see it differently, and it always sparks an argument on Mumsnet. I don't see it any differently from porn, and I don't have a problem with (most of) that.

tygga · 15/02/2022 17:18

I also don't like the narrative that men are visual & women don't appreciate men visually. I very much do & think lots of women do. I just am not into the type who would be strippers!

TomAllenWife · 15/02/2022 17:22

It doesn't bother me.
DP takes clients and will sometimes go if he's being taken out as a client. He will always say if that's where he ends up

I trust him not to run off into the sunset with a lap dancer

I've been to strip clubs, it really doesn't bother me if he goes

TicTacHoh · 15/02/2022 17:25

Not bothered. Worked in financial services a long time and have ended up in there myself on nights out with clients when it's the only place left serving drinks. What I've learned is that all men go, and the ones who say, no dear, I'm not interested, it's degrading, are the worst.

Colderthanever · 15/02/2022 17:25

I also have to add op if my husband went on a stag do and said one of the men wasn’t allowed to go to the strip club, I’d feel very sorry for both him and his wife, for her to be so very jealous and insecure and for him to have to deal with it to appease her.

We all know though he will say he sat it out, his mates will say he sat it out, but he will go. One hundred percent he will go.

I’d also ageee with the pp who said some posters are hiding behind the trafficked woman thing. We all know there is very reputable clubs out there, where rhe women do the role through choice, and are paid well and the men can’t touch them.

So Just own it, you don’t want them seeing attractive naked women in the flesh in case he fancies rhem more or compares rhem to you.

Peachy7 · 15/02/2022 17:26

I couldn't give a monkeys! I don't see what some people's issue is with it! But thankfully we're all different!

TomAllenWife · 15/02/2022 17:27

@JuicySatsuma85 absolutely, they love to be ladies of the parish on here

TicTacHoh · 15/02/2022 17:27

@Colderthanever

I also have to add op if my husband went on a stag do and said one of the men wasn’t allowed to go to the strip club, I’d feel very sorry for both him and his wife, for her to be so very jealous and insecure and for him to have to deal with it to appease her.

We all know though he will say he sat it out, his mates will say he sat it out, but he will go. One hundred percent he will go.

I’d also ageee with the pp who said some posters are hiding behind the trafficked woman thing. We all know there is very reputable clubs out there, where rhe women do the role through choice, and are paid well and the men can’t touch them.

So Just own it, you don’t want them seeing attractive naked women in the flesh in case he fancies rhem more or compares rhem to you.

Yep this, they all go. And if you're the one who 'forbids' it, best believe they will all group together to pull the wool over your eyes, and encourage him to do his worst.
Cognoscenti · 15/02/2022 17:31

Ah the insecurity argument. I'm glad my partner doesn't hang around with guys who would encourage each other to behave in such a way.
I don't care if my partner would find them attractive, repulsive or whatever. He has cancelled a night out with an old friendship group because there has been talk of going to a strip club, I didn't realise that's why he'd cancelled until I asked why he was no longer going, so I suppose we have the same values.

MostTacticalNameChange · 15/02/2022 17:35

It might not be entirely faux, but I imagine for the most part, posters are actually just really insecure about the idea of their partners looking at other women, and try to save face by labelling their main concern as being the welfare of the women.

So what if some of it is insecurity? It is ridiculous to expect your partner to never look at/think about other women etc. Attraction is involuntary and if it's kept discreet (or discussed depending on the type of relationship you have!) there's no issue.

But to put money and effort into deliberately watching women (who are screened to be conventionally attractive) get naked and act seductive/as if they fancy you, possibly grind on you, spread labia etc? I don't see what is insecure about that...it is blatant disrespect if you are in a monogamous relationship. If you are ok with it, your bar for a partner is so low.

That's of course beside all the objectification, misogyny, links to crime, health and safety of the women. Which is actively stopping the world getting better for WaGs and the concern i have about that is very much not faux.

tygga · 15/02/2022 17:38

So what if some of it is insecurity?

Yeah I don't get that argument & why it's something to be ashamed of?

If I was going to a strip club regularly because Tom Hardy lookalike was working there whilst awaiting his big break my DH would likely be very insecure & he's not an insecure person.

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 17:41

I also find that argument equates a woman to an object such as a garment or a lettuce and is quite distasteful

Erm, no..

Equating the woman to a 7 year old in Bangladesh forced to make your T-shirt. Not equating the woman to the T-shirt Hmm

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 17:44

@Cognoscenti @blackangel9 ah so he because you neeeed the food and clothes grown by kids who are forced to produce them for you, you can just block that bit out. Because there’s an item in between yourselves and said child slave right? You don’t really have to face it?

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 17:45

@Agrudge 100%

Chestofdraws · 15/02/2022 17:46

So what if some of it is insecurity

I mean this gently but your post, complete with crudity would indicate for you, it’s all insecurity.

tygga · 15/02/2022 17:51

Yep this, they all go. And if you're the one who 'forbids' it, best believe they will all group together to pull the wool over your eyes, and encourage him to do his worst.

That's not true of everyone. I know men who haven't gone or don't stay long for a number of reasons, not their scene, they are tight, their partners don't like it, etc It doesn't bother the others who enjoy it. Maybe it would if they were very young.

Swipe left for the next trending thread