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Original poster

Strippers

280 replies

blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 12:23

Hey,

What's everyone's opinions on their OHs going to strip clubs?

For those who aren't bothered by it, what's your reasons for this?

Trying to settle my anxiety around DH who is currently getting ready to go away abroad on his brothers stag do.

We have had a discussion prior to him going and both seemed to be on the same page and that he would sit out if the group were planning on going to a club however I'd hate for him to be left out if it's a case of me overreacting!

For me I don't see it as any different from a work colleague stripping naked in front of him so why would it be okay just because money is handed over but again I do have low self esteem. I also hate the thought of potential trafficking and not knowing if the girls are happy to be doing this job. DH has always said that he finds clubs sleezy and not for him, he says that he would not find them arousing in the slightest however I worry he only feels this way as he would hate to upset me.

I know I need to trust his word and I have no reason to doubt him yet but would be interested in hearing other peoples opinions.

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 15/02/2022 14:21

If my DH would be okay with me giving another man a dance then he can go get one from a stripper.

I can guess what the answer would be.

I don't find men that view women as objects in any way attractive.

If my DH went to a strip club our marriage would be over.

Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 14:26

@Agrudge

I dunno it still sits funny with me knowing the women around him might not be there out of their own choice and he's partaking in it. If I could know for sure the women there were happy and they're doing it because they want to then I'd be able to suck up my jealousy for one night on the agreement he would be happy for me to dance naked around the house whilst his friends come over for a drink lol (I'm obviously joking on the last part)

OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 14:27

@CaptSkippy

It would be a deal breaker for me.

The entire sex industry is degrading to women, both the women who work in it and the women who want nothing to do with it. I would not want to be with a man who would even contemplate this.

I'm struggling with the full dealbreaker issue as I know it's not his thing and he wouldn't enjoy it and I wouldn't want to issue an ultimatum and throw away our full life together on one night but it would change my opinion of him.
OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 15/02/2022 14:27

@hellobye56

DP & I are planning to go to a strip club once we go on holiday to Atlanta. I can’t wait🤸🏾‍♀️

Even if DP went to a strip club with his friends I literally wouldn’t have a problem. I’d be telling him to have a good time and send me videos too. Everyone’s different though so if you’re not a fan then you’re not a fan🤷🏾‍♀️

I don’t have particularly draconian views on strip clubs, but I’m always Confused by women wanting to go. There are way better places if you’re attracted to women, and you won’t have to pay £££ for a reluctant dance from a woman who couldn’t give a shit who you are.
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 14:27

@notmyhusbandsproperty

My DH went to one on his stag do. Spent most of the time chatting to her according to his mates! He's so vanilla love him. I guess it comes down to trust. There is no right answer. If you aren't comfortable with it then you need to tell him and he needs to respect that.
I do completely trust him it's jsut the industry in general that makes me feel uneasy as well as not enjoying the fact of him being surrounded by good looking naked women lol
OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 14:28

@Morgan12

If my DH would be okay with me giving another man a dance then he can go get one from a stripper.

I can guess what the answer would be.

I don't find men that view women as objects in any way attractive.

If my DH went to a strip club our marriage would be over.

I'm sure DH wouldn't like me doing that either!
OP posts:
Mumoblue · 15/02/2022 14:34

It’d be a dealbreaker for me.

Completely outside the whole issue of the industry and the commodification of women’s bodies- it’s just cringey as hell. I wouldn’t wanna date someone who wants to pay a woman to shake her arse at him.

Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 14:35

@hellobye56

DP & I are planning to go to a strip club once we go on holiday to Atlanta. I can’t wait🤸🏾‍♀️

Even if DP went to a strip club with his friends I literally wouldn’t have a problem. I’d be telling him to have a good time and send me videos too. Everyone’s different though so if you’re not a fan then you’re not a fan🤷🏾‍♀️

That's great that that works for your relationship dynamics. Morals aside, I hope you guys have a blast!
OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 14:36

@Mumoblue

It’d be a dealbreaker for me.

Completely outside the whole issue of the industry and the commodification of women’s bodies- it’s just cringey as hell. I wouldn’t wanna date someone who wants to pay a woman to shake her arse at him.

It does make my feel icky thinking of DH being aroused by this!!
OP posts:
MorningStarling · 15/02/2022 14:39

[quote blackangel9]@Agrudge

I dunno it still sits funny with me knowing the women around him might not be there out of their own choice and he's partaking in it. If I could know for sure the women there were happy and they're doing it because they want to then I'd be able to suck up my jealousy for one night on the agreement he would be happy for me to dance naked around the house whilst his friends come over for a drink lol (I'm obviously joking on the last part) [/quote]
The trouble with taking the "are they there from choice" attitude is that if you apply it to strip clubs do you also apply it to other businesses you deal with?

Plenty of people are miserable in their jobs but feel forced to do them because they need to earn money to survive. At least a stripper can earn a lot of money in a short time, compared to other unskilled workers. Just because I feel uncomfortable with charging to take my clothes off doesn't mean other women have the same view. I mean, I'd feel uncomfortable being someone's cleaner, but other people see that as a legitimate way of earning money.

Then you've got the hypocrisy of people complaining about strippers and the men who pay them, whilst happily buying cheap goods from China.

Daisycrown · 15/02/2022 14:44

So I used to work in a strip club as a Receptionist.
There is touching (and the rest) in the private rooms despite the managers claiming it was against the rules (we had one contract herpes from a customer during a 'dance'). A lot of men end up being persuaded into the private rooms especially when drunk. Once they're in the club they're in and anything can happen. Receipts would often be handed out for food and drink so expenses could be claimed against the dances. Card statements would also show the registered company name which was the name of a restaurant so the men wouldn't be found out and for those unsure a trip to the cash point.
Different women stripped for different reasons. For some it was for food on the table, for some to pay for Cosmetic surgery, some private school for the kids, we had one who did it to keep her horses and stables, some paying their way through University, then there was the few that were undoubtedly trafficked. There is a lot of drug use, from managers, to door men to strippers.
Would I like my other half going to strip club after all I've seen? No I bloody wouldn't.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2022 14:44

Pre kids i was absolutely fine (had kids late 20s). Now he's in late 40s with kids it's a bit yuk

hellobye56 · 15/02/2022 14:44

@ComtesseDeSpair so why can men enjoy strip clubs but not women? Do you have the same view with porn then, only men should be the ones getting any enjoyment out of it?
A strip club is literally like a club except they have strippers. DP and I always go clubbing so we have a great time at a strip club too. Women are always in strip clubs so it isn’t exactly a rarity

ChargingBuck · 15/02/2022 14:47

That's great that that works for your relationship dynamics. Morals aside, I hope you guys have a blast!

Morals included, I hope they get ripped off, food poisoning, & maybe mugged.

Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 14:53

@MorningStarling

I completely appreciate where you are coming from but a cleaner isn't risking being groped inappropriately or digitally raped as an every day part of their job. I'm miserable with my job but I can sleep at night knowing I won't risk being sexually abused by multiple clients!

Probably not to the extent I should but I don't just view it in terms of strippers, I also don't get my nails done at certain salons and don't buy from shops that are known for "sweat shops" etc,

OP posts:
KatyRebecca84 · 15/02/2022 14:55

If you have a wife/partner at home… I don’t know why you need to go and watch someone else dancing and gyrating nearly naked. If you need to do this, I feel it means you’re not satisfied by your partner. I don’t like the thought of my husband going and it would make me jealous and uncomfortable, same as he wouldn’t want me watching a naked man dancing with his cock out! If you’re happy for your partner to do it, fair enough that’s up to you… but I am not. Tbh I hadn’t taken the trafficking part into account.

KatyRebecca84 · 15/02/2022 15:00

[quote blackangel9]@Agrudge

I dunno it still sits funny with me knowing the women around him might not be there out of their own choice and he's partaking in it. If I could know for sure the women there were happy and they're doing it because they want to then I'd be able to suck up my jealousy for one night on the agreement he would be happy for me to dance naked around the house whilst his friends come over for a drink lol (I'm obviously joking on the last part) [/quote]
This made me lol!! I totally agreee… when they get back I think you need to arrange a party with the men and their wives and you can all dance for the men, see who gets jealous then!!

Rudeppl · 15/02/2022 15:01

@heathspeedwell

My DH was on a stag with eleven other men a few years ago. Out of the twelve, three refused to go to the strip club and nine went. Of those, six had private dances and two invited two women back to their hotel for sex.

My DH went to the club but didn't have private dances and was sharing a room with the stag so neither of them invited a stripper back to the hotel.

But it was uncomfortable for me being at the wedding three weeks later drinking champagne with women when I knew that their husbands had slept with prostitutes and they were blissfully unaware.

I don't want to be any part of a culture that treats women so badly.

@heathspeedwell

Oh come on. How naive are you?

lucylucyapplejuicy · 15/02/2022 15:03

I wouldn't really be too bothered, as long as he's honest and doesn't waste loads of money it's fine. But I wholeheartedly trust DH and he really would only go to a stric club if he was on a stag and it's what everyone was doing as I know they don't appeal to him

SisterAgatha · 15/02/2022 15:05

Thets all sorts of reasons woman strip. I know of one who done it for a bit of extra cash to go on holiday with.

Agreed but the punters have purchased her tits for 30 mins not the rights to her autobiography so how can they know if she’s genuinely in to it or has no choice but put up with it?

Cas112 · 15/02/2022 15:09

@20viona

Couldn't care less as long as he doesn't spend tons of money!
Same
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:21

@Daisycrown

So I used to work in a strip club as a Receptionist. There is touching (and the rest) in the private rooms despite the managers claiming it was against the rules (we had one contract herpes from a customer during a 'dance'). A lot of men end up being persuaded into the private rooms especially when drunk. Once they're in the club they're in and anything can happen. Receipts would often be handed out for food and drink so expenses could be claimed against the dances. Card statements would also show the registered company name which was the name of a restaurant so the men wouldn't be found out and for those unsure a trip to the cash point. Different women stripped for different reasons. For some it was for food on the table, for some to pay for Cosmetic surgery, some private school for the kids, we had one who did it to keep her horses and stables, some paying their way through University, then there was the few that were undoubtedly trafficked. There is a lot of drug use, from managers, to door men to strippers. Would I like my other half going to strip club after all I've seen? No I bloody wouldn't.
Thank you for the honest insight. I had thought that the whole "not touching" thing was mostly ignored.

It just goes to show how many men must know it's wrong/there wives won't approve if they have to go through that effort to hide it.

I can appreciate that women do this as a way to earn money for themselves for a variety of reasons but I can't help but feel there's much safer ways for them to do so.

OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:21

@Hankunamatata

Pre kids i was absolutely fine (had kids late 20s). Now he's in late 40s with kids it's a bit yuk
I agree - especially when most of the girls could be close in age tk your children!
OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:22

@ChargingBuck

That's great that that works for your relationship dynamics. Morals aside, I hope you guys have a blast!

Morals included, I hope they get ripped off, food poisoning, & maybe mugged.

I'm trying my best to stay neutral in my replies to others as I don't want to put anyone off answering as I could be doing with input from others.

It's a definite no for me on a number of levels but can appreciate others don't share my views.

OP posts:
Agrudge · 15/02/2022 15:23

@SisterAgatha

Thets all sorts of reasons woman strip. I know of one who done it for a bit of extra cash to go on holiday with.

Agreed but the punters have purchased her tits for 30 mins not the rights to her autobiography so how can they know if she’s genuinely in to it or has no choice but put up with it?

You could apply that logic to various things.

The people doing nails or the people washing your car. Or the people serving you in restaurants. I'm sure many ar forced into it. And I appreciate non of the above are doing it their jobs naked . But not knowing who is being forced doesnt mean you shouldnt do anything just incase