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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strippers

280 replies

blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 12:23

Hey,

What's everyone's opinions on their OHs going to strip clubs?

For those who aren't bothered by it, what's your reasons for this?

Trying to settle my anxiety around DH who is currently getting ready to go away abroad on his brothers stag do.

We have had a discussion prior to him going and both seemed to be on the same page and that he would sit out if the group were planning on going to a club however I'd hate for him to be left out if it's a case of me overreacting!

For me I don't see it as any different from a work colleague stripping naked in front of him so why would it be okay just because money is handed over but again I do have low self esteem. I also hate the thought of potential trafficking and not knowing if the girls are happy to be doing this job. DH has always said that he finds clubs sleezy and not for him, he says that he would not find them arousing in the slightest however I worry he only feels this way as he would hate to upset me.

I know I need to trust his word and I have no reason to doubt him yet but would be interested in hearing other peoples opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:23

@KatyRebecca84

If you have a wife/partner at home… I don’t know why you need to go and watch someone else dancing and gyrating nearly naked. If you need to do this, I feel it means you’re not satisfied by your partner. I don’t like the thought of my husband going and it would make me jealous and uncomfortable, same as he wouldn’t want me watching a naked man dancing with his cock out! If you’re happy for your partner to do it, fair enough that’s up to you… but I am not. Tbh I hadn’t taken the trafficking part into account.
I love your honestly. It sums up my feelings on the whole jealousy front. I don't understand why men would want to PAY to be sexually satisfied or aroused by a women who isn't their partner. It's in no way different to being with a colleague or friend other than there's money involved!
OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:24

@KatyRebecca84 I think this might be a plan! Before he leaves tonight I think I might suggest it.

OP posts:
Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:25

@lucylucyapplejuicy

I wouldn't really be too bothered, as long as he's honest and doesn't waste loads of money it's fine. But I wholeheartedly trust DH and he really would only go to a stric club if he was on a stag and it's what everyone was doing as I know they don't appeal to him
If you don't mind me asking, if they don't appeal to him why bother going in the first place? I'm in no way meaning to come across as cheeky. I just know if something wasn't for me or goes against my beliefs I couldn't bring myself to do it.
OP posts:
Bakewelltart987 · 15/02/2022 15:26

No one interested in magic Mike on here then.

Personally wouldn't mind if he went yo a strip club for a stag weekend however if it was a regular thing then yes I'd say something.

Daisycrown · 15/02/2022 15:29

No problem. Just to add we also had one customer storm out because he had reddish brown smears all over his lovely white shirt. Our poor stripper had come on her period but hadn't noticed in the throes of her dance in a dimly lit area behind a curtain. To be a fly on the wall explaining that when he got home. T
This was a simple dance not a private room. So although some might not mind just a dance I don't really want another woman rubbing her naked crotch all over my OH.

Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:30

@Bakewelltart987

No one interested in magic Mike on here then.

Personally wouldn't mind if he went yo a strip club for a stag weekend however if it was a regular thing then yes I'd say something.

Personally no as I find it a bit cringe but I don't feel it's the same comparison to a strip club. There's not really a personal level to a show like Magic Mike whereas there is in a strip club.
OP posts:
Agrudge · 15/02/2022 15:33

@Bakewelltart987

No one interested in magic Mike on here then.

Personally wouldn't mind if he went yo a strip club for a stag weekend however if it was a regular thing then yes I'd say something.

That's a film . It's not not comparable.

Its similar to saying you like america history x and django you cant be against racism

tkwal · 15/02/2022 15:34

If you would go to dreamboys or Chippendales show then I don't see how you could reasonably ask your partner not to go to a strip club.Lap dances or personal dances are another matter altogether

Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:36

@Daisycrown

No problem. Just to add we also had one customer storm out because he had reddish brown smears all over his lovely white shirt. Our poor stripper had come on her period but hadn't noticed in the throes of her dance in a dimly lit area behind a curtain. To be a fly on the wall explaining that when he got home. T This was a simple dance not a private room. So although some might not mind just a dance I don't really want another woman rubbing her naked crotch all over my OH.
I wonder how he got away with that one! When you put it in perspective it really is quite grim.
OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 15/02/2022 15:37

[quote hellobye56]@ComtesseDeSpair so why can men enjoy strip clubs but not women? Do you have the same view with porn then, only men should be the ones getting any enjoyment out of it?
A strip club is literally like a club except they have strippers. DP and I always go clubbing so we have a great time at a strip club too. Women are always in strip clubs so it isn’t exactly a rarity[/quote]
I don’t generally find I need to pay to see a woman’s body, so it wouldn’t appeal to me to go to a strip club personally. Considering how easy it is nowadays for women to play with other women at clubs like TG, KK, XBreed and so on, I’m genuinely surprised any women are interested in paying for entry or dances in male-oriented strip clubs.

Original poster
blackangel9 · 15/02/2022 15:37

@tkwal

If you would go to dreamboys or Chippendales show then I don't see how you could reasonably ask your partner not to go to a strip club.Lap dances or personal dances are another matter altogether
I personally wouldn't go but that's my preference as I find the dancers cringe and the whole atmosphere with the over excitable women a bit too much for my liking. I have friends who enjoy going and it doesn't change our friendship st all. I just couldn't imagine as a mother of a son ogling over half naked young guys or lusting for a dance,
OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 15:40

The people doing nails or the people washing your car. Or the people serving you in restaurants. I'm sure many ar forced into it. And I appreciate non of the above are doing it their jobs naked . But not knowing who is being forced doesnt mean you shouldnt do anything just incase

I agree with this.
Everyone on this thread saying about women being trafficked or forced into it (awful, of course) are you as concerned with all the many many companies you use for bits around your house, all your clothes all your food abs whether any of those things may have been made or produced by slave labour??? Or do you source out an ethical UK based company every single time you buy something? Otherwise you are a hypocrite!

GalesThisMorning · 15/02/2022 15:47

We live in a world where young women's bodies are objectified and commodified. I don't like that, it doesn't turn me on, and I wouldn't be with a man who perpetuated it.

All these resoponses of, 'he's not really into it, he won't get turned on, he just doesn't want to spoil the party...' what the fuck? If he's not into the objectification of women, he should say so. If he doesn't get turned on by watching possibly trafficked young women dancing for money, he should say so. He SHOULD have the balls to spoil the party when the party is damaging and gross.

When are men going to start speaking up aginst the commodification of women? For what it's worth, it would be a deal breaker for me.

GalesThisMorning · 15/02/2022 15:48

And plenty of us do try to shop ethically, of course we do! Just because you may not manage it every time does not make an objection to a misogynistic industry any less valid

SisterAgatha · 15/02/2022 15:49

You could apply that logic to various things.

That is also true. But none if those jobs come with the potential of contracting genital herpes. And that is a service also. Serving someone’s dinner is not really in the same league as grinding on top of someone.

SisterAgatha · 15/02/2022 15:49

You’ve bought a dinner vs buying a body. There in lines the difference.

hellobye56 · 15/02/2022 15:50

@ChargingBuck

That's great that that works for your relationship dynamics. Morals aside, I hope you guys have a blast!

Morals included, I hope they get ripped off, food poisoning, & maybe mugged.

@ChargingBuck definitely not that deep but okay. We’ll have a great time the same way we always have a great time😉🤸🏾‍♀️
hellobye56 · 15/02/2022 15:51

@LuckyAmy1986

The people doing nails or the people washing your car. Or the people serving you in restaurants. I'm sure many ar forced into it. And I appreciate non of the above are doing it their jobs naked . But not knowing who is being forced doesnt mean you shouldnt do anything just incase

I agree with this.
Everyone on this thread saying about women being trafficked or forced into it (awful, of course) are you as concerned with all the many many companies you use for bits around your house, all your clothes all your food abs whether any of those things may have been made or produced by slave labour??? Or do you source out an ethical UK based company every single time you buy something? Otherwise you are a hypocrite!

I was waiting for a comment like this, it’s so true!
hellobye56 · 15/02/2022 15:51

I personally don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer. You’re either okay with it or you’re not. Strip clubs are still going to exist either way🤷‍♀️

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 15:55

@GalesThisMorning if you re read my comment I was talking specifically about the trafficking, being forced part.

There are other issues at play of course.

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 15:56

@SisterAgatha ah so the food picked by a young child forced into it in a country far far away for pennies, or nothing. Is ok? Because it’s just good?

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 15:56

Food ffs

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2022 15:57

@GalesThisMorning bullshit! You might and good for you. But I bet most people on this thread are clicking on Amazon left right and centre without a care about where the stuff comes from or how it’s produced

Cognoscenti · 15/02/2022 16:02

There is a whole other thread pretty much the same as this one, but FWIW:

No, I wouldn't go to a strip club and I wouldn't be happy with my partner going to one. Luckily he is of the same opinion and has a spine, so is able to say he doesn't want to go and not go along with it because "it's too awkward to say no".

As for ethical purchases, we grow a lot of our own food, shop locally and buy clothes that are ethically produced as far as I possibly can. However if there was no other option - I need to eat and clothe myself, I don't need to pay to watch a naked woman dance in front of me.

I've never watched a show like dream boys and would genuinely leave a hen do with a male stripper, it just isn't my thing (although I don't think a male stripper at a hen do is the same as a woman in a strip club most likely performing for leery, groping customers). I've never seen Magic Mike, but I imagine Channing Tatum is much better paid, has better working conditions and is much safer and comfortable when working than pretty much any stripper in a regular strip club.

In relation to the OP specifically, I suppose you're okay with it, or you aren't. I wouldn't want to be with my partner if he went to strip clubs, and I'll stick to that.

LewI89 · 15/02/2022 16:04

@SisterAgatha

Ok well I’ll make the analogy simple. Paying a vulnerable woman for sex or sexual titillation is coercive at best, abusive at worst.

If your husband/partner would not pay you to get your tits out, why is it ok to expect that from a stranger.

Agreed.