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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my child is too young for a sleepover?

316 replies

Newgalintown · 15/02/2022 11:32

My daughter is nearly 8. She is friends in a group of 3 of them. Both these girls parents have alluded to the fact they're planning a sleepover for their daughters' birthdays.

AIBU unreasonable to say DD is too young for sleepovers? I just don't feel comfortable with it - even though I know the parents well (one set more than the other). Equally don't want DD to miss out.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2022 16:21

mathanxiety
Can you honestly tell me that sleep overs have not provided you with nights out at all?

SpinsForGin
Parents are making out that sleep overs are all about the child. You are now saying it is for you to have nights out.

SpinsForGin · 16/02/2022 16:58

SpinsForGin

Parents are making out that sleep overs are all about the child. You are now saying it is for you to have nights out.

It can be both. Well often ask grandparents or some close friends to have DS over so we can have a night out.

But DS has aslo been to birthday sleepovers which are definitely about the children.
Nothing wrong with either 🤷🏼‍♀️

raspberryjamchicken · 16/02/2022 17:00

seems to me that sleep overs are really more for the benefit of the parents.

Hollow laugh. My two never get invited for sleepovers on the same night so no benefit to me there plus I have to reciprocate by hosting their friends and be kept up half the night by the sound of giggles and traipsing up and down the stairs. I would be happy if my DC never participated in sleepovers, but like many things with parenting, we do it because kids enjoy it,!

Notimeforaname · 16/02/2022 17:01

Offer to have the first sleepover at yours? It would give you an opportunity to speak to the parents you dont know well, and you can keep an eye on how things go, if all girls are comfortable together, happy etc.
You can get an idea of what time they fall asleep and what they do, and this may help you feel more comfortable with them having one again at the other's house?
I dont know really, was just a suggestion.

Or send her with instructions to call you at 9pm to see if shed like to be picked up ?

mathanxiety · 16/02/2022 17:20

@Theblacksheepandme, hand on heart, not once. I have five DCs.

AreWeThereYetMummy · 16/02/2022 17:39

My 6 year old went for one but I only allowed it as I know the family really well and the mum works at his school.

I was a bit worried but he loved it! We did to a play date there a week before though too where I dropped him off.

Bumblebee1119 · 16/02/2022 17:44

Personally... I wouldn't let my daughter at 8. Honestly I don't think she would go either as she would prefer to stay with me. But unless it's a family member of a close friend I would consider it. But just a friend from class of which I don't know the parents of will be a big no no from me. I struggle to sleep with her in the next room away from me let alone at someone's house! Few years time may be different but not now x

Mummadeze · 16/02/2022 17:46

Mine started around age 10. She wasn’t ready before that. And neither were we. She is v young for her age though.

Earthling1994 · 16/02/2022 17:52

My son has been having sleepovers with friends since he was 2.5. He’s 5.5 now and has a sleepover every couple of months, either away at friends or he has a friend here.
Your daughter is not too young, however if you don’t feel comfortable with it, that’s reason enough to say no

Mocara · 16/02/2022 17:52

@EggsBenadictUsername

YANBU. I wasn't allowed on sleepovers until I was in Year 6 (and I was one of the oldest in the year) and that was only allowed because she was a single mother / no man in the house! Secondary school aged when sleepovers were okay if there was a man in the house. My mother felt more comfortable I wouldn't be coerced into things, and I'd have the confidence to tell her anything / not feel bullied into things. She's 8. Unless you know these parents very well then absolutely not.
Is this for real ! If so very sad.
Melx42 · 16/02/2022 18:01

I read once a detective in the police force saying NEVER allow your children to sleepover as friends. I did however let my children have friends over to sleep

BOOTS52 · 16/02/2022 18:10

For me personally I would not be doing sleep overs until started secondary school but my son now 21 and he did have sleep overs at my brother's house when young but that is different but not at others houses but seems nowadays kids growing up way faster and doing everything quicker. I would not at 8 as seems soo young but it is up to each individual parent and should not be influenced by what other's are doing. You should do what is right for you and your situation and how you parent.

Lawyermama1987 · 16/02/2022 18:12

Few things to unpick here - is she old enough? And If so, do you know/trust the parents of her friend well enough to allow her to go?
At 8 I would she’s of an age where she’d be ready (but I confess I was that child who’d be packed off to a sleepover and my parents would have to come get me at 10 because I couldn’t sleep!!) more important is whether you’re comfortable with her going somewhere where you don’t know family as well. Big call. I wouldn’t send somewhere I hadn’t met both parents or knew them reasonably well especially not for first sleepover.

BOOTS52 · 16/02/2022 18:12

As the person above Mel says you can have children over to your house if you are more comfortable with that but I would not have been comfortable at age 8 except as I said at my brothers house with wife and 2 children as knew he was safe there.

ItsRainingTacos · 16/02/2022 18:14

Don't feel pressured by the consensus on here OP. I don't do sleepovers either. Spending an afternoon until bedtime together with friends is plenty - no need to sleep together too - to do what exactly? Play, eat dinner, play some more and then at bedtime go home - job done.

Do what you are comfortable with. She is your child, she's 8 and you know her better than anyone. I fail to see what she'll be missing.

cherish123 · 16/02/2022 18:14

YABU
She is 8! I thought from the title she was about 3.
My DC had sleepovers from about 5, despite not rarely sleeping away from me before 5. What are you worried about? If she has a happy/secure home life, she won't miss her parents.

Imy06 · 16/02/2022 18:28

I don't think 8 is too young, I remember having sleep overs before that age. But I also really believe in doing what you are comfortable with, and you know your daughter better than anyone to be able to make that call.
Can you maybe host a sleepover first to get a feel for how it all goes with those friends. Or maybe if she goes to a sleepover say that you will do a phonecall before bed so you can talk to her and gauge then how she's feeling? I hope anyway that you find a solution that works for you because I can imagine this being a stressful situation when you're not ready for it yet (and I totally understand that too!)

HeyUpits2022 · 16/02/2022 18:44

DD has had a few sleepovers with friends, she's 6, and has stayed with families I consider to be very good friends.

But I'd be wary of her staying with people I don't know well, purely because I'm not sure she'd settle all that well. Sleepovers are great fun and I don't want her to have a bad experience and for it to put her off.

Tmu100 · 16/02/2022 18:58

My daughter is the same age and I don’t like the idea of sleepovers, especially if I don’t know the parents well or not at all. I wouldn’t send mine and if it doesn’t make you feel comfortable, don’t do it.

CountryMouse22 · 16/02/2022 19:11

Sleepovers were unheard of when I were a nipper!

Mocara · 16/02/2022 19:57

@Tonsellectomjy

No way on God's green earth would I let my child go away with scouts or brownies.
Dear god the worlds gone mad ! 😄 and who stays with there child at parties ! Mad I tell you 😄
Pinksweets · 16/02/2022 20:10

YABU, especially as you know the parents.I think I was 6yo when I went to my first sleepover. You’re letting your anxiety get in the way of your Dd having fun.

I had classmates (primary and secondary school) who had really over protective super anxious parents. Those kids either ended up super anxious or were really sneaky and lied to their parents. If your dd is ill or something then I’m sure her friend’s parents will ring you. It’s one night.

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/02/2022 20:18

Mine have been at sleepovers at Beavers from age 6

8 doesn't seem too young to me at all.

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2022 20:25

Pinksweets

YABU, especially as you know the parents.I think I was 6yo when I went to my first sleepover. You’re letting your anxiety get in the way of your Dd having fun.

I had classmates (primary and secondary school) who had really over protective super anxious parents. Those kids either ended up super anxious or were really sneaky and lied to their parents. If your dd is ill or something then I’m sure her friend’s parents will ring you. It’s one night.

OP does not come across as over protective or super anxious. What is with the labelling of parents that put the welfare of their children first?

Doublebubbletrouble1 · 16/02/2022 20:38

Why on Earth do you think 8 is too young? It's a sleepover not going out to a nightclub. She's going to giggle with her friends, stay up a bit longer than she should and sleep in the same room as her friends. What's to be worried about? You've said you know the parents- they'll have your phone number. It'll be lots of fun with zero risk. Genuinely can't see where you're coming from at all unless there's more to this story than your original post explains.