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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my child is too young for a sleepover?

316 replies

Newgalintown · 15/02/2022 11:32

My daughter is nearly 8. She is friends in a group of 3 of them. Both these girls parents have alluded to the fact they're planning a sleepover for their daughters' birthdays.

AIBU unreasonable to say DD is too young for sleepovers? I just don't feel comfortable with it - even though I know the parents well (one set more than the other). Equally don't want DD to miss out.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 22:55

@CoastalWave

I'm not happy at all with any sleepovers.Fine to go away with school or say brownies but just 'friend' sleepovers, that's a no in this house.

There's no way at all my child is going to be put in a situation that could prove dangerous.

Crikey…
Theblacksheepandme · 15/02/2022 23:16

HiJenny35
The same parents that tell you that your child will be mentally scarred if they don't have a phone by 8yrs.

whatkatydid2013 · 16/02/2022 07:21

My eldest is 7 and youngest is 5. We have loads of playdates but have never hosted or been invited to a sleepover. It may be that it’s covid linked a bit but I would say she and most of her friends are a bit young. They haven’t fully got to grips with negotiating when they want to do different things and can get very upset with each other at times. If you added being really tired into the mix it just seems a recipe for one or more kids having a bit of a meltdown. It may be my kids and their friends are a bit less grown up for their age than average but if our 7 year old went to a sleepover she’d be way too hyper to sleep, wouldn’t cope well the next day with being tired & would resist going to bed early to catch up on sleep next night. We’ve been to late nights at a couple of weddings/special events and it took a week after before she wasn’t massively grumpy, difficult to get up for school etc. As she gets a bit older I’m hoping she will start to want to go to bed when tired and so it would just be a day of grumpiness and an early night after a sleepover, which seems more manageable. I’m not desperately worried from a safeguarding point of view but can also understand why people have concerns and I do think an older child would be better able than a very young one to understand behaviour that is inappropriate and to say no/ask for help from another adult/be able to independently contact us.

Marvellousmadness · 16/02/2022 07:24

Yabu

Times a million

Marvellousmadness · 16/02/2022 07:25

"She doesnt have a phone"you say

Dude. When we were you we didnt have a phone either to call. But we could use the parents of the people we were staying at phone's.

Stop making excuses

Marvellousmadness · 16/02/2022 07:25

When we were young *

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 16/02/2022 07:30

Our DD is 8 and has been on sleepovers but only with families we know pretty well. I'd want to feel comfortable about the environment, who else was going to be there and be confident that the adults would give her the right support if she was upset about anything. It is good for her independence and confidence, but it's also quite a big deal for a child that young.

InvincibleInvisibility · 16/02/2022 07:37

My eldest started aged 7, with just 1 friend so they got used to sleeping away from family before the 4 night residential in May that year. I much prefer sleepovers with just 1 friend, as opposed to a group. He's done both.

My youngest started aged 6, again with just 1 friend. He's now 7 and has had a friend over 4 times and has been to a friend's 4 times (different friends each time). They love it and fortunately parents agree with me over sleep so they're all asleep by 10.30pm. Grin

We're moving to a different country this summer, and when asked what they want to do before we leave, the answer was a unanimous "lots of pyjama parties". They love them (both at ours and at friends)

Original poster
Newgalintown · 16/02/2022 08:27

@Marvellousmadness

"She doesnt have a phone"you say

Dude. When we were you we didnt have a phone either to call. But we could use the parents of the people we were staying at phone's.

Stop making excuses

I don't have a land line (only for Internet) and neither do most people I know. I didn't do sleepovers as I said in my first post.

Thank you to everyone who commented. I can see that people have mixed views but there are at least half who agree with me.

Absolutely going with my gut. As a PP said, isn't it strange how we aren't happy to leave our 5 years olds at a party but we're happy to leave 8 year olds over night with strangers.

No thank you!

OP posts:
Notwithittoday · 16/02/2022 08:39

@Newgalintown good for you.

Therealrealitystar · 16/02/2022 08:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

hardboiledeggs · 16/02/2022 09:15

Honestly seems like the right age for me. I understand why you would be anxious. Possibly speak to the parents beforehand and leave your number with them. I was given my Dad's mobile when I stayed at a friends overnight who lived a little further away from us. (just when mobile phones became a thing). If she wants to go I would let her. You likely wont get any sleep until she's home though lol.

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2022 11:06

Good for you OP.

Budgiegirlbob · 16/02/2022 11:39

YABU. On the whole, I don’t think 8 is too young for a sleepover, we take Beavers away camping and for sleepovers from aged 6, and they cope very well.

However, you know your child best, and if you think your child would not cope with it, then who are we to tell you otherwise.

Notwithittoday · 16/02/2022 11:59

@Budgiegirlbob

YABU. On the whole, I don’t think 8 is too young for a sleepover, we take Beavers away camping and for sleepovers from aged 6, and they cope very well.

However, you know your child best, and if you think your child would not cope with it, then who are we to tell you otherwise.

Don’t try to make out there’s something lacking in op’s child. I wouldn’t let mine go away with beavers, scouts, brownies either. Too easy for weirdos wanting to get close to kids www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2377178/social-worker-elizabeth-west-sex-offender-beavers-group/amp/
Glitterygreen · 16/02/2022 12:42

Absolutely going with my gut. As a PP said, isn't it strange how we aren't happy to leave our 5 years olds at a party but we're happy to leave 8 year olds over night with strangers.

I think it's fine for you to say no OP, absolutely your choice.

However, given your reservations I do think you should make efforts to get to know these 2 families more so you can either feel confident/say no. It seems unfair that your DD will miss out on every sleepover because you don't know the parents well enough if you don't do anything to change that.

budgiegirl · 16/02/2022 12:43

Don’t try to make out there’s something lacking in op’s child

I'm not saying that. But the OP asked if 8 is too young for a sleepover, and I'm saying it's not, unless her child is not ready. For what it's worth, one of my children didn't do sleepovers until she was 11, as she didn't like them and wanted to be at home. But that doesn't mean that 8 is too young, it was fine for my other two children. All children are different, and we don't know the OP's child, so can't really answer her question.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 16/02/2022 12:52

My dd has been going for sleepovers since she was 5 - think it is personal choice but don't let your insecurities ruin her fun if she wants to go.

Tonsellectomjy · 16/02/2022 13:10

No way on God's green earth would I let my child go away with scouts or brownies.

Yellowcakestand · 16/02/2022 13:17

My son has stayed out since 3 months old with family and then as he got older (and I became a single parent) it's turned into about 3 times a month. He is almost 7 now and used to it. This past year he has had sleepovers at a friends house (the same friend 3x)

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2022 15:51

It seems to me that sleep overs are really more for the benefit of the parents. The parents not hosting get a child free night. They can go out for the night and not have to worry about their child. Collect late enough the following day. Yeah sure, the kids really really need sleep overs.

toomuchlaundry · 16/02/2022 15:55

Why @Tonsellectomjy

SpinsForGin · 16/02/2022 15:56

@Theblacksheepandme

It seems to me that sleep overs are really more for the benefit of the parents. The parents not hosting get a child free night. They can go out for the night and not have to worry about their child. Collect late enough the following day. Yeah sure, the kids really really need sleep overs.
and this is a problem because.....??

That's exactly why we send DS to grandparents or close friends for a sleepover

mathanxiety · 16/02/2022 16:15

It seems to me that sleep overs are really more for the benefit of the parents. The parents not hosting get a child free night.

Only if you can get rid of all their siblings the same night.

What a silly post.

mathanxiety · 16/02/2022 16:17

As a PP said, isn't it strange how we aren't happy to leave our 5 years olds at a party but we're happy to leave 8 year olds over night with strangers.

Why wouldn't you leave your 5 year old at a party? Surely they can go to the loo by themselves at that age, and they're in school all day without you hovering over them for help and support.