To ask you to explain non binary to me (genuine question)

[crochetmonkey74]

I have a new non binary person on my team at work (I am a manager)
They present as female-very much so in dress and grooming, they have a very feminine name too ,they have told me that they are heterosexual and live with their partner. However they want to be known as 'they' and the pronoun 'MX'
I am happily doing all this, I believe everyone should be comfortable and I will address people how they wish to be addressed.
I'm a teacher so my new member of the team is continually being misgendered by the students (due to the incongruity of appearance and pronoun) we have other non binary more androgynous looking staff who are not misgendered.
My new staff member is a nice person but they are very aware of correcting people, and have already complained (not about me)
I'm keen to do this right and not offend but also despite trying to read around the issue, I cant find much about non binary females who present in a feminine aspect.
This is not a bait thread or a stealth moan. It is a genuine question. Anyone got any experience with this?

The entire concept of non-binary is something that only makes sense if we accept that women conform to feminine stereotypes and men conform to masculine stereotypes and only the non-binary people are special and different.

Yes. To me non binary (and to a degree the trans movement) just reinforces the stereotypes.

We're actually creating very finite ideas of how each gender "should" be. Not all women will want long hair, make up, pretty clothes, or like shopping. Not all men will want short hair, trousers, or like watching sports and drinking beer. And why are we not saying thats OK because not everyone is the same, instead of creating a new category? What if so few people conform to the (narrow) stereotypes that majority of people decided they were non binary...?

[quote Rivering]@IntermittentParps It’s pretty indicative of working environments in the real world, yes. No walking on eggshells round here. Everyone is upfront, and they do their bit with LGBT celebration days so those lot don’t feel left out. Everyone’s happy.[/quote]
That's odd because I've worked in a fair few working environments and am pretty sure they were in the real world, not in some holographic 'reality'.

People managed to refrain from using words like homo, bender and dyke. I wasn't aware that doing so was walking on eggshells; I thought it was being an ordinarily decent person who is not a misogynist, a sexist or a homophobe.

I'm sure 'those lot'? are ecstatically grateful that the rest of you do your bit with LGBT celebration days.

Your workplace sounds abhorrent. Glad my real world has never looked like that.

[quote Rivering]@IntermittentParps It’s pretty indicative of working environments in the real world, yes. No walking on eggshells round here. Everyone is upfront, and they do their bit with LGBT celebration days so those lot don’t feel left out. Everyone’s happy.[/quote]
Ah I see - so it’s not just your workplace that is rife with rampant homophobia, you also seem to be deeply homophobic. That makes more sense. I’m sure the real world will catch up with you soon enough. At the moment it sounds like you are not sufficiently evolved to understand what is wrong with your workplace, your colleagues or yourself. But enlightenment isn’t for everyone - we all have our limitations and so don’t get too stressed about yours. You might well not have the mental capacity to develop enough insight to understand the issues, never mind the ability to influence your colleagues to effect change. We can’t all be leaders.

@TheKeatingFive

Perhaps with an example of what a binary person looks like?

Barbie/Ken?

Best I can do

Barbie and Ken don't have any genitals, so they look more like a non binary person who has undergone nullification surgery.

@Fizbosshoes

The entire concept of non-binary is something that only makes sense if we accept that women conform to feminine stereotypes and men conform to masculine stereotypes and only the non-binary people are special and different.

Yes. To me non binary (and to a degree the trans movement) just reinforces the stereotypes.

We're actually creating very finite ideas of how each gender "should" be. Not all women will want long hair, make up, pretty clothes, or like shopping. Not all men will want short hair, trousers, or like watching sports and drinking beer. And why are we not saying thats OK because not everyone is the same, instead of creating a new category? What if so few people conform to the (narrow) stereotypes that majority of people decided they were non binary...?

Agree with @Fizbosshoes comment at 1351

I mostly wear trousers, don't like make up and high heels. If I were a teenager now, perhaps I would think this meant I was non binary

Far better to expand what it means to be female, not narrow it down

I’m pleased to see butch lesbians on Twitter talking about talking to young girls to show that these things are stereotypes and do not mean they are the wrong sex

The thing is all these arbitrary sex markers change with time and society.

In the past male up was not regularly worn by all women. At different times in history it has been associated with royalty, men, prostitutes. So make up cannot be a signifier for women.

Men have worn heels periodically throughout history. The Tudors and Georgians both loved things that sparkled. So glittering baubles can't mark males and females apart either.

Hair fashion fluctuates between long and short for both male and female alike.

The only thing that doesn't change and so can set men and women apart is biology. No matter how history changes women will always carry, birth and nurse young.

Sex is binary.
Gender stereotypes are not only fluid and ever changing, culturally dependent, they're also not mandatory.

I am rather nervous as they said middle aged women in jobs above them are triggering to them and they have been a bit grumbly about various things so I am treading carefully

You’re far far kinder than I’d be about THAT but of ageist sexism.

If your colleague has experienced the standard difficulties that most girls and women have experienced - you know, sexual harassment, sexual assault, lower wages, most of the housework - then she could actually DO something about it. She could get involved in feminist campaigns; she could volunteer or fund raise for Women’s Aid or Rape Crisis, or a local women’s refuge.

But no. Instead she subjects young people to a gaslighting surveillance of their sense of the truth of what they see in front of them, and exercises her own discriminatory prejudices against other women people.

It’s disgraceful, petulant behaviour.

What @LaChanticleer said.