To ask you to explain non binary to me (genuine question)

[crochetmonkey74]

I have a new non binary person on my team at work (I am a manager)
They present as female-very much so in dress and grooming, they have a very feminine name too ,they have told me that they are heterosexual and live with their partner. However they want to be known as 'they' and the pronoun 'MX'
I am happily doing all this, I believe everyone should be comfortable and I will address people how they wish to be addressed.
I'm a teacher so my new member of the team is continually being misgendered by the students (due to the incongruity of appearance and pronoun) we have other non binary more androgynous looking staff who are not misgendered.
My new staff member is a nice person but they are very aware of correcting people, and have already complained (not about me)
I'm keen to do this right and not offend but also despite trying to read around the issue, I cant find much about non binary females who present in a feminine aspect.
This is not a bait thread or a stealth moan. It is a genuine question. Anyone got any experience with this?

[quote 5zeds]@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

If the person isn’t present you could mention their name and then continue using he/she as shorthand, but only until you mention another person of the same sex.

If they are present you should use their name throughout.

If you didn’t know their sex AND they weren’t present you would use their position to describe them, (Eg “the Head Teacher”, or “Sarah’s Partner”).

If you didn’t know their sex AND they were present, surely you’d ask them their name?

I’m not sure how an individual would hear themselves misgendered through pronouns.[/quote]
Yes I couldn't follow this issue - if I refer to someone as they or she they most likely actually aren't presenst so it's surely no skin off their nose as they won't hear it (unless someone decides to report you) - - all seems nuts.

It's all non binary until someone gets up the duff

I think all this gender stuff is really a young woman's game. Then whack, you're pregnant and there are somehow biological and social realities that come down on you like a ton of bricks.

I wonder if the current young generation will have a rude realisation in 5-10 years when they start reproducing.

@GrendelsGrandma

It's all non binary until someone gets up the duff

I think all this gender stuff is really a young woman's game. Then whack, you're pregnant and there are somehow biological and social realities that come down on you like a ton of bricks.

I wonder if the current young generation will have a rude realisation in 5-10 years when they start reproducing.

If that were the case then why the need for language such as "pregnant people", "lactating people" and "chestfeeding"?

No, they'll be complaining that they can't be rather not xother on the birth certificate.

Like the person who threw their toys out the pram because they weren't allowed to list two father's on a birth certificate when one clearly gave birth to the baby.

Which, just like this is an example of them putting their ideology ahead of the child's emotional welfare.

Op and other teachers are meant to put the children's lear, safety and welfare first. Stop prioritising this adult and gaslighting the children.

[quote drspouse]@AryaStarkWolf
Yes you share the same gender identity but your "cis privilege" is you not even realising ............
Have you just dared to assume someone's gender identity? Isn't that literal violence?[/quote]
[Grin]

If that were the case then why the need for language such as "pregnant people", "lactating people" and "chestfeeding"?

Because things have seriously got out of hand especially place like local government etc

That's for trans people, isn't it?

Not RTFT but I'm equally as baffled by this as you OP. I'm left wing, Liberal, open to most things and do my very best to understand. I have a gay DC, obviously never been as issue in our family, we accept and love them and that's that.
NB confuses my neurodivergent mind though for all the reasons discussed in this thread. That an actual explanation of what it means isn't readily available is the biggest issue. I've put myself on a course at work run by individuals with lived experience to try and understand more and still none the wiser.
Part of it for me is the fact people can't even agree on the basics ie there is a teacher at DC school who goes by MX but it is actually pronounced em ex. There isn't even universal agreement on how to say it..
The PP who said their autistic DC would struggle, yep, mine would too. They are being told to unlearn everything they have known up until this point (as am I...) which is a hugely difficult transition.
I want to understand and I definitely call people what they want to be called but am still utterly confused.

the chestfeeding - men and women get breast cancer but they somehow can't breast feed ever it's now chestfeed - Weird.

I'm in agreement with others, we are all non binary really. I'm female, I have long hair, I never wear make up, I like cars etc. So fucking what? Who actually gives a shit? Oh wait, no one, except those who like the same things as me as we have something to talk about.

I also don't think it's progressive at all. It's putting more labels on things, and referring to people as 'they' or 'it'. It's almost dehumanising people, like they mean nothing.

I think you just summarised Laurie Penny's book!

@Polyanthus2

the chestfeeding - men and women get breast cancer but they somehow can't breast feed ever it's now chestfeed - Weird.

And "person with a cervix" and "menstruators" are acceptable euphemisms for "female people", despite these being exclusively female body parts and functions, but for some reason breasts are problematic.

Even though a trans man or non binary person who is so triggered by their breasts that they have had a mastectomy (but apparently not too triggered by their uterus to get pregnant and give birth) is not going to be breastfeeding anyway.

Make. It. Make. Sense.

@EishetChayil

I absolutely hate how heterosexual people are trying to colonise LGBT identities. As a member of the community since before Stonewall went rogue, I find it tragic what's happening to the movement. It's become a caricature.

T was always about colonising. How can it be other? It's is LGB and women who suffer from this ideology

How is it acceptable to claim you are triggered by middle aged women in senior positions?
Can you imagine going into a work place and saying the same about a man, a gay man or lesbian, a black man? You would be hung out to dry
Why are middle aged women fair game?

I didn't even pick up on the comment about middle aged women being triggering. How incredibly sexist and offensive. Isn't it a breach of the equality act for "them" to treat senior female managers differently? Oh OP, I don't envy you this situation but I'd get Union advice on how best to handle it all. It's way beyond the scope of what you're expected to know.

middle aged women in jobs above them are triggering to them
Oh good grief. I laughed out loud at that but what a nightmare this woman sounds, how on earth has she been given a post teaching (bullying) children ?
OP you are bending over backwards to understand and appease this person but nothing you do will ever be enough.

The whole “triggered by middle aged females” is hilarious. Basically this person can only cope with those they feel they can intimidate, the young women and the old. Bad luck, both my mother and my daughters are not what the gender stagnated are expecting. OP you sound very able to cope with this.

Can I just add to this long thread (I haven't managed to read it all and hope I'm not repeating someone) that - coming from a European country where addressing teachers is nothing more complicated than using their first name - I find this whole obsession with addressing teachers as Ms, Miss and Mr quite enough as it is. What's wrong with 'Anna' or 'George'? Or whatever their first name is. Politeness doesn't come from the words that are used, but rather the tone in which someone addresses another.

@MiracleBaby2022 I think in many/most Anglophone countries, using surnames is not just a traditional signal of respect, it's also a way of keeping emotional distance and maintaining boundaries. Teachers are teachers, not friends of their students, and this is a way of holding that boundary in line. I'm not saying it's the only way, but it's a method that our societies have traditionally used.

There’s no such thing as ‘non binary’ - it’s a made up term. HTH

they said middle aged women in jobs above them are triggering to them

Well that’s just tough shit for ‘them’ then isn’t it

IME surname/title is better than first name in English education system because it adds a level of formality. We have a real problem with disrespect to teachers in this country and when I worked in an environment where first names were used that exacerbated the problem. I've also worked in countries where it hasn't been a problem and generally that's because the profession is more respected.

Also there are practical reasons like knowing your firstname makes it easier to find you on social media. Yes, obviously children can find out both names but I find having that extra barrier provides a bit more privacy. There's nothing dodgy on the internet about me but at the same time o don't want children looking up every volunteer role etc I was ever in.

Also for me, Ms Worried is a different person from Mums so I like to keep them separate.

You've all just reminded me that when I was at school in Ireland we addressed our teachers as "Teacher" in the classroom. When I was a nanny in France they did similar (Maitresse/ Maitre) though because they have male and female words for professions it would still be an issue there.

Thoroughly disturbing thread OP you have my absolute sympathy.
These kids will learn by role modelling her, they can get supreme attention, become a victim of societies ignorance and trot out a lot of nonsense instead of actually learning. Please do not let them see this as positive. God knows the last thing teachers need is attention seeking trouble stirrers.
Is she on probation? If so get rid asap .
These types will be wasting tax payers money on court cases in next 5 years guaranteed.
Be firm, she will see you eagerness to please as weakness, because she is so very special.
I am totally for equality in every way. But this monster that has been created is so toxic when it warrants special attention.
They need to maybe look on parts of the world where citizens are so low on Haslows heirachy of needs, they might realise being called miss aint so bad.
As a teacher I been called allsorts even the very bad word. This worker is in for a very rough ride.
As for Cat gender!! Wtaf!! Unless you been a cat how can you identify as one? Get them a litter tray, a tin of whiskas and tell them to crack on? Its pathetic.
In eastern cultures there is a strong theme of divine masculine and feminine, why cant we embrace all natural aspects of this naturally within us without labelling it and then becoming professionally offended. I quite like science, I dont believe in god and I dont believe in non binary. But I do believe in a mental health crisis in this country and the explosion of the self absorbed.

coming from a European country where addressing teachers is nothing more complicated than using their first name
Each country has its own etiquette rules and the ways of expressing courtesy are different. I am in Italy and first names are acceptable at elementary school but not at high school or university.