To never want to speak or see my nct friends again

[emzz89x]

Good morning lovely people

Just came here for some advice.
Had my first baby 7 months ago and joined an NCT class whilst pregnant . We all had our babies around the same month. We all kept in touch during our pregnancy and became really good friends.

They all had girls and I have a boy. They are all breastfeeding but unfortunately probably due to my baby being born via an emergency csection and being over 11lbs I really struggled to feed him so I had to start formula feeding as that's what made him happy.
Anyway over the last 7 months .. I feel like they are making fun of me in every aspect of motherhood .. from making comments that I wouldn't understand what a tough night feeding a newborn is to the fact that my baby is so big due to me formula feeding etc
Yesterday I arrived home crying after one of them asked me if I'm scared that my baby might have lots of allergies due to being formula fed ... I mean WTF ! I fed him yesterday In front of them as he was really hungry and they all looked at me the entire time. Like I was feeding him poison 😩
I've been so low over this over the last few months... my DH suggests I never meet them again as they are toxic for me.. but how do I stop seeing them all of a sudden? Should I just stop going to these meet ups? I don't want my baby to miss out on having friends his age 😢

These women are judgemental and outright cruel. You do not want to carry on meeting and you do not want your son playing with their daughters if they are going to end up bullies like their mothers. If they ask be honest with them but also be prepared for them to say oh it was banter.

your baby won't miss these assholes, and neither will you. Don't give them a backwards glance, having a small baby is a really tough stage, and they are making it worse!

They sound awful!

Are any of them nice that you could continue to meet on a 1 on 1 basis. These things usually have a ringleader.

Are they all like this? They sound awful. But maybe the louder awful ones are drowning out the nicer ones. If there's one or two nicer ones if try to meet up with just the two of you. I'd also look to see if there are any local groups/ baby groups which you can start going to. You will find some lovely people OP. Good luck!

Wow! I feel for you!

Cut them off, you don’t owe them an explanation or anything. With my first, I didn’t have many mum friends at all. But I socialised him by going to soft play centres (even when young, most have a baby friendly bit and used to sit with him in their and let him touch and look at everything). Baby groups personally I felt lonely and sad, I found them very cliquey and they weren’t for me. But you will find your mum tribe!!

Your doing a smashing job, well done

Xpost Boombastic!

Sounds painful, but are you sure they all share the same opinions?

Local churches often run very friendly baby and toddler groups which are attended by a wide range of different families. You will find some lovely people you get along with. Our local library runs rhyme time sessions, the community centre hosts music groups and baby massage.

I was a bit nervous when I first attended a new group, but most places are friendly and welcoming. Good luck, there are lots of really decent parents out there who will not give a hoot how you feed your baby, or whether or not he is a bit bigger than average.

14 years ago I was the only FF mum at a mother and baby group for breastfeeding mothers! My HV told me to go along anyway as I was struggling with loneliness and PND. No body cared. And if they did, they said nothing. They did a great baby massage class that DD liked (or I did anyway as it was good for bonding). Not all mums are bitches.

I'd definelty message, and I'd be quite harsh about it too.

"Well, given that every time I meet up with you all, you all seem to enjoy commenting on my empty boobs and "giant" baby in a way which makes me feel shit, I'm afraid I'm stepping away from this group"

Then just leave the WhatsApp group.

I would also leave the group and tell them why, what they said, how they made you feel. Then never get in touch again, ever. Let them feel shitty for at least as long as you have.

💐 👶

Just don't go. They sound like absolute dicks. Literally nobody will care how any of the babies were born or fed by the time they're 2 anyway. Find a nice playgroup instead.

@IdrisElbow

The best advice I was given when I was pregnant was you have to find your people. For me, my people are ones who are going to support me, not judge me, and will produce a bottle of wine when we go for a picnic to the park . It has stood me in good stead when my little boy was a baby, and when he joined school. I looked for my people. I had a few false starts but eventually got there. This is what you need to do. For some people, that NCT world is brilliant and they have found their people. They are not your friends. You need to keep looking for the people who are fun to hang out with, aren't going to judge how youf end your baby and won't look to make you feel smaller so that they feel bigger.

Congrats on your new baby, its tough becoming a mummy, go easy on yourself.

Completely agree with this. Anyone who was vaguely derogatory or competitive about parenting is to be avoided. You need to find your people. They are out there.

A 7mo baby doesn’t have friends. They don’t have that concept developmentally.

Just ditch the group.

I would try a church/ village hall toddler groups. In my opinion they're the friendliest.

When you first go it'll feel like everyone else is best friends and seem like they've known each other years but that won't be the case for everyone there. Give it a month to get to know the people and see how it goes.

Ditch the bitches. The greatest choice I ever made for my mental health was deleting my NCT WhatsApp group and cutting them all out – except one fellow glorious mum who was also destroyed by them.

The worst was when DD hadn’t fed more than a second all day and when I asked the group for help, thinking thrush or something, the first response I got was “Probably over feeding, I know when my baby has had enough. She’s just been fed and I’ve popped her down and sure enough, she’s fallen asleep.” What a COW. Meanwhile DD and I off to Children’s A&E where they discovered a tummy bug.

Me and glorious mum deleted them all, our misery lifted almost instantly, and we went and ate cake. I found the rest of my people online. Ditch these awful women and find YOUR people.

Drop those twats like a hot potatoe op, they're not your friends. I'm really sorry you got lumbered with such a shitty group. I did nct and there were 8 of us. We all did stuff differently, from water births to elective c section, bf and bottle fed, blw and puree. Mostly we just supprted each other and the couple of women who took issue with stuff are no longer part of the chat. I assume they found other places to pointlessly judge! Find your own gang, you'll feel so much better when you're rid of that vipers nest.

God people have lost all sight of what’s important haven’t they? If formula wasn’t an option then what would have happened with your baby? We’re fortunate to live in a place and time that babies don’t have to be reliant on their mothers for sustenance because the alternative is truly awful.

Step away from this lot and find yourself some new connections. I used Mush when dd was small, I don’t know if it’s still going but it was an okay way to meet new mums and gets your confidence up for attending other groups.

I never did NCT but I understand that you’re grouped together based on when you had your babies? Maybe try volunteering for them and meeting some other mums outside of the very narrow band of people you’ve met so far.

Ditch them! They sound like a pack of deluded saddos. There are loads of other ways to make friends - with normal mums. You only need one or two good friends tbh.
try some new groups or activities.
Won't be long before the weather improves and DC will be old enough to be pushed on the swings. I met loads of other parents in the park.
Half of Britain was probably bottle fed! You cannot tell any difference.
Be confident in yourself- and see those nasty women for what they really are.

@dayswithaY

Vile little people! Many years ago I struggled to get myself to an baby group. My son was about 3 weeks old, he didn't sleep, had terrible colic which made him scream in pain. I was bottle feeding and unhappy about it but he just wouldn't latch on despite my efforts.

I turned up to a room of peaceful, sleeping baby girls and a room of smug mothers. They tried to outdo each other with how long their babies slept at night. My boy had an explosive nappy and screamed the place down. One of the mothers shuddered and said:

"Thank goodness I had a girl".

I left and went home in tears. I've never forgotten how they made me feel, it was like being back at school. Cut these people off, you and your lovely boy will find people who deserve you. Look after yourself.

that's awful! It was my DD who screamed non stop and hardly slept (reflux, colic, tongue tie). My DS had none of those problems and just fed/slept etc without any problems (lulled me into a false sense of security, so I had the bloody shock of my life when DD came along!!!)

I've had 4 dc, all got formula fed at some point. The longest I bf was 3 months, shortest was 4 weeks. My kids have no allergies and all grew up healthy.
Much more important for children's outcome in countries where there is easy access to clean water and sterilising equipment is the socio economic status of the mother - children growing up in poverty is more important than whether a child was breast fed.
Ditch these bitches! Honestly your child will make friends at school and will be fine.

My DC are teens now but I'll never forget the snooty snobbishness of the local NCT group. They were awful and really rude. Unfortunately they kept cropping up in other places too like the local playgroup and, later on, Rainbows and Brownies. But I'd got the measure of them by then and ignored their bullshit.

I’d leave too before weaning becomes a competitive event, then walking, then talking etc.

Have a look for other groups - playgroups can be much more relaxed.

You can drift away or tell them why. You’d be justified in doing both

Easy - just stop going and block them!

Noth my boys were formula fed, medical condition for not breastfeeding, they are now 6,5" and 6,3" just ignore the bitches, find new friends x