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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never want to speak or see my nct friends again

423 replies

emzz89x · 15/02/2022 07:05

Good morning lovely people

Just came here for some advice.
Had my first baby 7 months ago and joined an NCT class whilst pregnant . We all had our babies around the same month. We all kept in touch during our pregnancy and became really good friends.

They all had girls and I have a boy. They are all breastfeeding but unfortunately probably due to my baby being born via an emergency csection and being over 11lbs I really struggled to feed him so I had to start formula feeding as that's what made him happy.
Anyway over the last 7 months .. I feel like they are making fun of me in every aspect of motherhood .. from making comments that I wouldn't understand what a tough night feeding a newborn is to the fact that my baby is so big due to me formula feeding etc
Yesterday I arrived home crying after one of them asked me if I'm scared that my baby might have lots of allergies due to being formula fed ... I mean WTF ! I fed him yesterday In front of them as he was really hungry and they all looked at me the entire time. Like I was feeding him poison 😩
I've been so low over this over the last few months... my DH suggests I never meet them again as they are toxic for me.. but how do I stop seeing them all of a sudden? Should I just stop going to these meet ups? I don't want my baby to miss out on having friends his age 😢

OP posts:
Johnnypiratesfriend · 15/02/2022 13:23

Firstly, hats off to you! I breast fed my children not because of all health benefits etc but because it was bloody easy. Not waking in the night getting milk to right temp, no sterilising bottles, checking you have all you need before you leave the house etc. I mean this from the bottom of my heart you have made the right decision for YOUR baby and are working dam hard for that baby. WELL DONE!
Your baby will be just fine! The milk you are giving a designed for babies.
If I were you I would join some baby groups in the area and find some new friends.
I joined nct now the babies are all older and in school we are no longer in touch we all just drifted apart same with baby group friends although it was nice enough st the time.
I met my best mum friend at a second hand baby fair. My work colleagues had a stall and asked me to mind it while she went for drink. I started talking to the lady on the next stall whos daughter was the same age as mine. The rest is history as we bring up our kids together!

Ireolu · 15/02/2022 13:25

Get rid and enjoy him whilst he is a chunk. When he gets moving it is likely his will look more proportionate in terms of weight.

Cheekypeach · 15/02/2022 13:33

Haha, silly cows. They’ll be lost in a few years when nobody gives a shiny shite how the baby was fed or whether they pushed them out! Your baby boy sounds like a gorgeous little chunk, enjoy him - and make some new mum friends! Flowers

Throughabushbackwards · 15/02/2022 13:40

My friend's NCT crew were like this. Really toxic, competitive people who had her in a twitch every time she met them. I experienced them in the flesh at her DC's 1st birthday party and they were something else. She ditched them soon after and looked to real friends for support. I hope you're in a position to do the same Thanks

TheKeatingFive · 15/02/2022 13:43

Drop them, they sound awful. You'll find much nicer mum friends.

TwoDogs9 · 15/02/2022 13:52

They sound like a load of bitches. Just stop meeting up! Join some other baby and toddler groups and hopefully you’ll meet some nice normal people!

SockFluffInTheBath · 15/02/2022 13:55

My first and last brush with the NCT was when a clique of them turned up to an NHS antenatal class about breathing techniques etc for labour. The midwife asked us how many times per minute we breathe in so I counted how many seconds I breathed in for, made an estimate of 15 breaths/minute. They scoffed loudly about me to each other before saying that durr it’s about 60-70 breaths per minute. The mw smiled sweetly at me then schooled them. The rest of the session was them decrying pain relief and how pethidine is tantamount to 9 months of street-bought drugs Hmm but by that point they’d already demonstrated how crackers they were so I paid no attention.

curlydiamond · 15/02/2022 13:57

What nobs. I didnt get to do many baby groups before everything closed down for the first lockdown so my mat leave was largely spent at home. Baby is now 2 he's fine and socialble and happy - they don't need friends when they're little. Dont waste your time on those idiots - if they were all bottle feeding and you were breastfeeding they'd be making comments like the ones I heard with my first (aren't you worried you don't know how much your baby is eating / but poor Dad can't bond if you breastfeed etc etc) - these are clearly insecure twerps and not your problem, it's not actually about you it's about them and their issues.
Enjoy your baby, find some different groups and ignore anything you don't want to hear.

DisappearingGirl · 15/02/2022 14:06

one of these mothers is starting to grow her own veg to feed the baby

caranations · 15/02/2022 14:06

I went to one NCT meeting when I was not far off dropping dc1, never to return.

Bunch of dungaree-wearing crochet-your-own-breastmilk mumsy-wumsy nutters.

Hertsgirl10 · 15/02/2022 14:08

I have 6 children all formula fed, one chunky bubby who was early and not one has an allergy, ages range from 19 down to 2 so don’t let any of what them ‘super mums’ get to you. They actually sound severely insecure and are picking on you.. and I with females like them I wouldn’t expect half of what they say to actually be true.
You and your son will be so much happier with out being in this toxic un-friendship group and with out him being compared to anyone else.

You can leave the groupchat and see them around, so what own it, tell them how they’ve made you feel. You’ve done nothing wrong and they have and even if you end up on the same mums and baby groups let them sit in their guilt, don’t go out your way to avoid them.

DisappearingGirl · 15/02/2022 14:08

one of these mothers is starting to grow her own veg to feed the baby

GrinGrin

Sorry posted too soon! Sorry that is hilarious. Wait till they are on baby number 2, the toddler will get a bag of crisps like everyone else.

They sound horrid. I wouldn't burn bridges in case you see them around, I'd just be busy and gradually fade out of the group. If you see them at baby groups you can still say hi but just happen to be sitting somewhere else and chat to the person next to you.

Latecomer131 · 15/02/2022 14:09

OP, I suggest that you try the Peanut app. It's a bit like Tinder for finding local mum friends. It's quite useful, as you can filter profiles by the child's age.

I am combi feeding myself, so I was able to swipe down (the app's version of swipe left) on anyone who felt the need to bleat on about exclusive breastfeeding in their profile.

Snaketime · 15/02/2022 14:11

I'm so glad you are going to stop seeing these people. I couldn't breastfeed either of my DC (for different reasons) and they are both fine, my DS4 has no allergies and my DD only has 1 which mushrooms. You are doing great.

Darhon · 15/02/2022 14:16

Are they all the same, does one seem more on the edge too - often a background approach to them can help and they will feel relieved to break out of the group as well? I went to a newborn baby group as a bfeeder but the one I most got on with was an avid ffeeder and early weaner, but we bonded as we both had the high maintenance babies. That said, we'd both moved on once they were 3ish. There's loads of other places to make friends and most babies in the UK are fully ffed by 6 months so you won't feel in the minority.

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2022 14:21

@emzz89x

The comments about the weaning being next make me laugh as we have all started weaning recently& one of these mothers is starting to grow her own veg to feed the baby 😂😅 I can't compete with that 😂
To be fair, if you've got the only boy, get out before toddlerhood.

I'll guarantee they'll all be brilliantly behaved little princesses (ha!) and they'll be watching for your son to be the group hooligan (even if he's an angel)

Bitter? Moi?

RobotValkyrie · 15/02/2022 14:27

The NCT is a competitive parenting cult.
Don't waste your time with these twats.

EishetChayil · 15/02/2022 14:42

They sound awful! @emzz89x if you're in Liverpool or nearby, I'll be your friend!

SleepingStandingUp · 15/02/2022 14:44

@RobotValkyrie

The NCT is a competitive parenting cult. Don't waste your time with these twats.
Lots of people have made great friends from NCT without having to be bitches to other Mom's. Eldest is 6 and I still see one regularly, two we're down to online catch ups, my friends eldest is five and they're all still really close. It can be great for first time Mom's who have no other network
Bananarama21 · 15/02/2022 15:31

SleepingStandingUp

I've seen alot more negative stories than positive ones infairness.

BrambleRoses · 15/02/2022 15:36

It’s (another) only on MN thing.

In RL my NCT group are amongst my closest friends, and out of four girls and two boys, our now-14 month old babies are a mixed bunch: my (boy) is quite gentle and quiet!

I know a few people who just didn’t really hit it off and it fizzled out but it’s only on here I read about the formula feeding one being the scapegoat of the group.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/02/2022 15:43

@BrambleRoses

It’s (another) only on MN thing.

In RL my NCT group are amongst my closest friends, and out of four girls and two boys, our now-14 month old babies are a mixed bunch: my (boy) is quite gentle and quiet!

I know a few people who just didn’t really hit it off and it fizzled out but it’s only on here I read about the formula feeding one being the scapegoat of the group.

So just because you haven't experienced it then it means it doesn't happen ? Confused
BrambleRoses · 15/02/2022 15:52

Not in the slightest. The absolute opposite.

I’m running the risk of sounding acerbic here which isn’t my intention, but:

The NCT is a competitive parenting cult. Don't waste your time with these twats

is surely the one that is saying they haven’t had a positive experience with NCT, so they are all like that.

I will admit I’m regularly perplexed by just how many MN posters are treated with hostility at baby groups and NCT classes, but that isn’t the same as saying it doesn’t happen.

MadameHeisenberg · 15/02/2022 15:55

I guess it’s easily explained by sampling bias. People come on to share their negative experiences and vent; less so the other way around.

LadyCleathStuart · 15/02/2022 16:01

Sorry OP they sound like arseholes.

I have only skimmed the thread so sorry if I'm repeating but the allergy comment pisses me off because I did BF and my DS still has lots of food allergies along with asthma and eczema. It really annoys me when BF Mums go on about how their DC won't have allergies because they BF, like it is a magic potion protecting their DC.