7 coming to stay! Invited themselves ! To very elderly relatives !

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So some younger relatives contacted my mum to announce that they were coming to stay with my parents. 7 of them including 2 children. To celebrate her 90th birthday! For 10 days!

She will have to get food in , contemplating a caravan in the garden, (because their quite large house is not really big enough for 7 extra) and do all sorts of stuff in preparation and whilst they are there. My parents go to bed relatively early these days , so their sleeping habits no doubt will be disturbed. When I heard , I suggested I would look at alternative accommodation Air B&B etc . Trouble is they live in a very rural area away from public transport but I did find one possibility.

Then another bomb shell . They are not intending to hire a car because they don’t like British roads . ( not from uk) . So the property I found is unsuitable as it’s a few miles away with no public transport links.

My parents now have 2 unreliable cars hardly go anywhere now and been shielding for the last 2 years anyhow because mum is CEV . (Explaining unreliable cars but that is another thread in itself) . So these relatives expect to be driven everywhere and collected from the airport too. And the 2 children are young enough to need car seats I think ( youngest at least , not sure of height of older one) .

It’s utter madness! Mum feels compelled to say yes because over the years they have stayed with that family though not them personally.

I think she should be saying no! Dad says “ they will muddle through” .

AIBU to somehow step in without it causing WW3 in the family?

Why don't you all meet up at a pub or something. That's what we did for my great aunts 90th.

OMG this will be a disaster. Let us know what they say.

Well my message has been read! I await a reply.

@Figrollface

Maybe also gently let them know that your parents have aged since they last saw them and aren't as able as they once were.

I would not be letting them know gently and would be telling them very fiercely that they cannot stay with elderly dm.

Stick to your guns no matter what nonsense they come out with. They are the unreasonable ones here and you are quite right to intervene. They sound like selfish, inconsiderate people.

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

Thank you for all the advice here I really appreciate it and didn’t think I was being unreasonable! To answer *@Chouetted* queries due to Covid their deliveries are left away from the front door and they have to bring them in and NOT a chance that these people would volunteer to do diy . Mum and Dad get people in for that anyhow.

I have written to one of my cousins using some of the useful comments here , hopefully the least likely to kick off ! There is a bit of a time zone difference but I will keep you posted on the reply.

If they don't live here. does it actually matter if WW3 kicks off?

Selfish gits

I'm 20+ years younger than your parents and I wouldn't do it

Be prepared for the fact that they'll try to avoid you OP and go direct with their manipulation to your parents thus avoiding you. Especially as you've contacted the least "scary" relative. You'll probably need to take on the most powerful of them and be very firm.

People can be selfish!

I hope your email brings them to their senses.

House guests are a lot of work. I would never dream of inviting myself to stay with anyone, let alone a very elderly relative

I am utterly gobsmacked at the CF of it. But it's more than CF, I mean who expects a 90 year old to run around after them?? Even making up beds for seven is a ridiculous ask, never mind, organising food, having disturbed sleep - literally being expected to stay awake all day is a big ask at that age. As for the driving - I can't even....

Stand firm OP, you are correct, it is INSANE.

Are they Indian Op? It's something I've noticed with my grandma and Indian relatives.. wondering if it's cultural

Holy balls

Can they lend the family the house and just come to stay with you? I don't really know what to say

No not Indian , Irish decent

10 days????? FFS a weekend would be an imposition but this is a holiday. The. visitors are being selfish and unreasonable.
It’s either a no or a self catering caravan in the garden. They sort the chemical loo themselves and buy & cook their own food .

I'm so glad you've sent the text

It's not like there is a cultural thing of it being normal for hosting for extended periods of time and multiple people

You did the right thing, even if you feel shit or it causes arguments

You deff did the right thing xx

I would step in, it’s not on

They can. Come, stay locally, and drive themselves, or not come simple as that

This is crazy, a 90 year old cant be doing all that [shocked]

Time for feet to be put firmly down

What? They're Irish and don't like British roads? What a load of bollocks that is. I can imagine someone having a problem the other way because some Irish roads are seriously tricky, like needing to reverse to a gateway when you meet oncoming traffic, but British roads are fine. I was assuming that they were coming from a country that drives on the other side and with different traffic rules, which would definitely be tricky for some people, but even then it wouldn't be fair to expect your parents to be their taxi.

Hope they listen to you. I'm half your mums age and hosted at Xmas for 4 days. It knackered me out hugely. And that's with helpful guests !

I'd step in too.

I'm having enough of the heeby jeebies about coming to England in March, from Australia, and having to stay with my 88yo Dad. He is not medically vulnerable, apart from his age, but it's still worrying me a lot.
Especially since DH's colleague who flew to Ireland to visit family 2-3 weeks ago caught COVID on the plane (tested positive on landing) and had to go into hotel quarantine.

it is UTTERLY reckless of these cousins of yours to be endangering your parents' health like this, and it's their own bloody lookout if they can't drive.
Fuck em! let them go and stay somewhere that has proper transport and facilities, and your family could possibly go and visit them where they're staying, once they're sure they don't have COVID.

God, the gall of them!

Well done for saying something.

Some people are just jaw dropping cheeky!!

Bloody hell, my Dad is 82 and even having visitors for an hour puts him into a right fluster.

Your poor parents. You've done exactly the right thing here.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar
They live in the US - Irish descent!

Staying with a 90-year-old! They are feckin' insane.

[quote 2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]@BlackAmericanoNoSugar
They live in the US - Irish descent![/quote]
Ah, ok. So it could possibly be a bit of a challenge for them. But still it's their challenge not your parents'.

Am I the only one on here that actually wants to phone them myself and SHAME them into realising how cheeky they are. I'm literally bristling!

Be prepared for them saying that it will be fine and that they'll did all the cooking and so on so that your parents don't have to look after them.

Of course we all know that that would be even more stressful, having people take over control of their house. So please don't allow them any leeway. And yes, use covid and their CEV status to the max, so the cousins can't argue.