7 coming to stay! Invited themselves ! To very elderly relatives !

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So some younger relatives contacted my mum to announce that they were coming to stay with my parents. 7 of them including 2 children. To celebrate her 90th birthday! For 10 days!

She will have to get food in , contemplating a caravan in the garden, (because their quite large house is not really big enough for 7 extra) and do all sorts of stuff in preparation and whilst they are there. My parents go to bed relatively early these days , so their sleeping habits no doubt will be disturbed. When I heard , I suggested I would look at alternative accommodation Air B&B etc . Trouble is they live in a very rural area away from public transport but I did find one possibility.

Then another bomb shell . They are not intending to hire a car because they don’t like British roads . ( not from uk) . So the property I found is unsuitable as it’s a few miles away with no public transport links.

My parents now have 2 unreliable cars hardly go anywhere now and been shielding for the last 2 years anyhow because mum is CEV . (Explaining unreliable cars but that is another thread in itself) . So these relatives expect to be driven everywhere and collected from the airport too. And the 2 children are young enough to need car seats I think ( youngest at least , not sure of height of older one) .

It’s utter madness! Mum feels compelled to say yes because over the years they have stayed with that family though not them personally.

I think she should be saying no! Dad says “ they will muddle through” .

AIBU to somehow step in without it causing WW3 in the family?

That's just too much for your parents. My DM at age 81 won't even provide lunch for people anymore as she struggles to work out quantities and what people like. We take food when we visit. I hope the person you messaged is reasonable about this and they make other arrangements.

@Princecharlesfirstwife

Your post assumes the former that they were invited!
It’s the latter they told my mum they were coming over to “ celebrate” her upcoming 90th birthday ( and have a few holiday! ) They invited themselves!

Free not few !

Nope. Nope. Fuck nope.

Third cousins?! For grandchildren this would we cheeky fuckery.

Ring them and tell them straight. Mum and Dad are so excited to see you but you staying there isn’t going to work. Mum has been shielding, they no longer drive, she isn’t up for cooking etc. Would you prefer to stay in an air B and B or in a hotel. I’ll find you the links. Mum would instead love to have you go dinner a couple of nights. Would you also like a car hiring or will you be using taxis?

They don’t care about your parents or their well-being. Why do you care about theirs? If you fall out then so beit.

As their child you really need to step in and let them know that it’s just not happening. If you really cared about their well-being you would without a second thought.

Someone do this to my 90 year old mother

They wouldn’t have had a chance to finish their sentence before I would have firmly shut it down

I would find it really taxing having that many visitors staying for 10 days and I'm in my 30's! Especially guests who are hard work before they've even arrived. Please for your parents sake step in. You know they'll have them cooking and cleaning and running around after the children.

You have done the right thing. These people are shockingly entitled.

You can do this tactfully. Tell your parents are very keen to see them but are too embarrassed/reluctant to admit they are too frail to host or drive so you are speaking up for them. Say that you hope they will be able to make other arrangements for their trip which will allow them to see your mum and celebrate her birthday without making any work or disruption for her.

Step in and tell your ridiculous relatives exactly what you have said here re shielding, frailty, unreliable cars. Surely anyone knowing their age would realise these things but you need to say no! Your poor parents (mine would be the same).

What country are they from? The reason I am asking is something similar happened to some relations a few years. The family in question just moved en masse and any suggestions about funding the trip themselves was met with cries of outrage and what more did people want them to spend as they had already paid for their flights!

I'd start WW3 if I were you, you need to safeguard your parents against these awful people!

@username1293948
Which why I posted on here ! I thought I was not being unreasonable but my parents were in the “we will muddle through” stage . My mum clearly wants to say no but she is very very passive and a pushover about things like this.

I really care about their well-being, hence me trying to find solutions and now stepping in by messaging my cousin.

If this were my parents I would simply intervene.

I'd either support my parents to make the call themselves, of if that was too much for them in view of their ages, I would telephone these people myself. I would explain that it was not appropriate in view of their ages, frailty and clinical vulnerability.

My parents are a decade younger and I've been booking a local bed and breakfast for or some years now, rather than stay with them. That's just too much pressure on anyone.

Wow cheeky f*ers!! 3 generations, nieces, great and great great niece/nephews , so not even their own grandchildren!!(still wouldn't be altogether acceptable but at least closer family tie) please tell them it's a no no. It would be exhausting for younger people with entitled relatives expecting to be waited on hand and foot, let alone 90 years old!!
Agreed with other Pps, start Ww3 if necessary!!

Actually I think they just want a free holiday!

They are absolute CFs! What decent family of 7 invites themselves to stay with people for 10 days even if the relatives are young, fit and active? You have to intervene. These selfish people deserve WW3!

Agree with @steppemum. This needs to be knocked on the head - utter madness. Do they usually remember and celebrate your mum's birthday? The cynic in me suspects there might be an ulterior motive to their visit but that maybe me.

If your parents have previously had a ‘come one come all’ attitude, you can see how these people have thought it would be OK, so no need for all the frothing! They just need to be told.

How will they even go shopping for food?
Some 'adult' children unfortunately never stop being the child and always assume Mum and Dad will be there to take care of things for them.

I wouldn’t think twice before telling them this isn’t going to happen.

Agree with PPs that this is all about them and shows a complete lack of respect and care for your parents.

@TragicMuse has good wording, stand firm, OP! These people are horrors!

@PoshPyjamas
I hope you are right!

Any person who thinks it's ok to burden themselves on a 90year old needs to firmly put in their place. Definitely step in and be firm. Madness that anyone would have the audacity to do this, especially with children!

I get exhausted with DH’s brother SIL and their three kids staying. And I’m no my late 40’s. No way would I let this go.

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

You can't win this one.