7 coming to stay! Invited themselves ! To very elderly relatives !

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So some younger relatives contacted my mum to announce that they were coming to stay with my parents. 7 of them including 2 children. To celebrate her 90th birthday! For 10 days!

She will have to get food in , contemplating a caravan in the garden, (because their quite large house is not really big enough for 7 extra) and do all sorts of stuff in preparation and whilst they are there. My parents go to bed relatively early these days , so their sleeping habits no doubt will be disturbed. When I heard , I suggested I would look at alternative accommodation Air B&B etc . Trouble is they live in a very rural area away from public transport but I did find one possibility.

Then another bomb shell . They are not intending to hire a car because they don’t like British roads . ( not from uk) . So the property I found is unsuitable as it’s a few miles away with no public transport links.

My parents now have 2 unreliable cars hardly go anywhere now and been shielding for the last 2 years anyhow because mum is CEV . (Explaining unreliable cars but that is another thread in itself) . So these relatives expect to be driven everywhere and collected from the airport too. And the 2 children are young enough to need car seats I think ( youngest at least , not sure of height of older one) .

It’s utter madness! Mum feels compelled to say yes because over the years they have stayed with that family though not them personally.

I think she should be saying no! Dad says “ they will muddle through” .

AIBU to somehow step in without it causing WW3 in the family?

OP

When you reply with a very strongly worded email (forwarding on the previous thread of emails as well) please cc in all your known relatives and relations. From England, Italy, US, Ireland etc etc.
There might be enough decent people amongst those cc’d to give the cheeky fuckers pause due to the (potential) collective shaming.
Since WW3 has started already what have you got to lose.

Oh my goodness.

The hides of a rhinoceros!

Accepting that these are relatives that you really do NOT need in your life with be helpful.

Be utterly ruthless.

I would block their numbers from your parents home and their email addresses on the basis your parents are elderly and need protection from exploitation.

They could not care less.

They are THOSE type of guests.

Anything but utterly ruthless doesn't work IMO.

@Bonheurdupasse

OP

When you reply with a very strongly worded email (forwarding on the previous thread of emails as well) please cc in all your known relatives and relations. From England, Italy, US, Ireland etc etc.
There might be enough decent people amongst those cc’d to give the cheeky fuckers pause due to the (potential) collective shaming.
Since WW3 has started already what have you got to lose.

This …so that alll your other relatives don’t only hear one side of the CF story …good luck! I am in my 50s and I couldn’t contemplate having so many people to stay for 10 days…absolutely no way !

Oh my goodness, excellent suggestion to cc all other family with the email thread👏👏👏...love it.

Yes to clarify American cousin told me to stay out of it.

Mind you parents aren’t too happy. I can’t win.

Told my English cousin already.

@GeneParmesanPrivateEye

If they're getting a car, can they stay in the AirB&B instead then

You would think so wouldn’t you?

Bloody hell absolute Cf’s. I would be making sure they do not stay at my parents house now! Could your parents come and stay with you for a little ‘break’ and then whoops they can’t gain access to your parents house. That’s a shame!

@Georgieporgie29 D'you know, I was wondering that. Whisk them up to your for your mam's 90th.

I'm sorry ww3 has erupted op, but remember You Are Absolutely In The Right!

Trouble is my parents are desperate to see them . Saying it might be the last time they do

I agree with all PPs saying your relatives are CFs, however, if you are fighting them AND your DPs, I think you've already lost this battle.

As much as you love and care for your DPs, you can't protect them from something they insist they want. I'd have one last serious conversation with your DPs, explaining your concerns in a very frank way and then leave them to it.

Seeing them doesnt mean that they have to put them up.

Any chance your parents would accept a three way discussion with your other reasonable cousin? When they realise that it isnt just you saying that this is outrageous CFery, they might start to get why you got involved.

@MeridasMum

I agree with you

Well if it were me and it was WW3 I’d win, but it’s up to you.

I would just go Stalin on your cousin’s ass. Airbnb absolute minimum.

@TatianaBis

Well if it were me and it was WW3 I’d win, but it’s up to you.

I would just go Stalin on your cousin’s ass. Airbnb absolute minimum.

Same

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

Trouble is my parents are desperate to see them . Saying it might be the last time they do

It could easily end up being the last you ever see them too!

If they were in their 50’s, whatever, they can muddle through. 90’s is a whole other story.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour by ur relatives.
I understand your dilemma with your parents. - I’ve read all the OPs posts but not all the replies so apologies if this has been suggested already- There may be a possible compromise, instead of your parents renting a caravan and buying lots of food (and having to cook endlessly) could you suggest that she pays (or part pays) for the Air B&B? That way your dickhead cousins are still getting what they want (a free holiday) and your parents are still accommodating them without being put upon (while you grit your teeth).
They are being absolute shits and isn’t it funny how they are now suddenly ok to drive in the UK after all?!!

I wouldn’t let this happen to my parents either but you may have to compromise to keep the peace. Good luck

Absolutely not - they pay for their own B&B.

OP does not need to keep the peace, she needs to protect her parents.

Women spend far too much time people pleasing and peace keeping. The net result is getting walked all over, in this case OP’s parents.

That's awful.
I would tell them to go and fuck off for themselves.

That’s absolutely horrendous of them. How selfish!

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

Yes to clarify American cousin told me to stay out of it.

Mind you parents aren’t too happy. I can’t win.

I have a feeling that the AC played the 'oh, it may be the last time we see each other' card to guilt your parents. You said that originally your mum was in a bit of a dither and none too happy about hosting. Are your parents totally aware of the plan for some of them to jet off and leave a passel of children at their home with someone to 'mind them'. I know that's (supposedly) not the plan now, but it is indicative of the fact that they don't plan to be very good guests. Rather, they're going to be flitting in and out 'sightseeing' and disrupting your parents home and 'routine'.

I'd tell the AC that I will NOT stay out of it, that it is MY parents they are taking advantage of and me that will have to deal with any fallout or illness.

I'd tell my parents that I was dead set against it for their own health and wellbeing and that IF they want someone to 'take the blame' I was only too happy to take it. And that the AC can stay elsewhere and I would be only too happy to drive them to wherever the AC are staying for nice long visits.

If your parents still want to host them, then I'd tell them on their heads be it. You will not help out in any way before, during, or after the visit. Nor will you listen to any complaints about the visit or how tired they are afterwards. Hard, but maybe that will give them pause.

As someone up thread said, your American relatives have the hides of a rhino!

Time to work on your parents and their idea of being able to see these relatives for the last time.

Explain to your parents that while it might be the last time they see these American relatives, they don't have to house them or put them up in order to do that. They can meet up during the day, go places and even book a mini trip away where everyone gets to stay in the same hotel (for example) and everyone pays their own way but at the end of the day, your parents can retire to their own rooms and close the door on these relatives and not be tending to their every need or want.
They still get to see these relatives and catch up with them but without any of the stresses or strains that hosting them entails.

If they don't go for that, then I'd go with the suggestion that @AcrossthePond55 has made where you tell them straight that if they decide to host, you want to hear NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING about the visit. You will not be helping them in any way (and don't - that'll be the hardest bit) before, during or after the visit. You're doing this because you are CEV and you are looking out for your health and you're not willing to put yourself at risk.

I don’t think you can fight your parents on this. You are going to have to let them get on with it and hope that the American side realise after a day or 2 that it is not working and either book into an air b&b or actually step up and organise stuff in your parents home.
But you should step away and do nothing to make this easier. If your parents also strongly didn’t want them to visit that would be different.

Totally agree with @AcrossthePond55