7 coming to stay! Invited themselves ! To very elderly relatives !

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So some younger relatives contacted my mum to announce that they were coming to stay with my parents. 7 of them including 2 children. To celebrate her 90th birthday! For 10 days!

She will have to get food in , contemplating a caravan in the garden, (because their quite large house is not really big enough for 7 extra) and do all sorts of stuff in preparation and whilst they are there. My parents go to bed relatively early these days , so their sleeping habits no doubt will be disturbed. When I heard , I suggested I would look at alternative accommodation Air B&B etc . Trouble is they live in a very rural area away from public transport but I did find one possibility.

Then another bomb shell . They are not intending to hire a car because they don’t like British roads . ( not from uk) . So the property I found is unsuitable as it’s a few miles away with no public transport links.

My parents now have 2 unreliable cars hardly go anywhere now and been shielding for the last 2 years anyhow because mum is CEV . (Explaining unreliable cars but that is another thread in itself) . So these relatives expect to be driven everywhere and collected from the airport too. And the 2 children are young enough to need car seats I think ( youngest at least , not sure of height of older one) .

It’s utter madness! Mum feels compelled to say yes because over the years they have stayed with that family though not them personally.

I think she should be saying no! Dad says “ they will muddle through” .

AIBU to somehow step in without it causing WW3 in the family?

Sorry @2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

I thought I had read all your posts before I posted my comment -well I did - but I didn't get all the context. I see you have told them straight. Good on you. You may still also need to tell your parents though, as they may try to contact them instead and put pressure on for them to say yes? I liked the suggestion from someone that if you have to, you tell your cousins no matter what your Mum and Dad say it simply won't happen. Will be interesting to see what kind of response you will now get from the US family.

I should add. My Mother was great until she was 89 and a few months. Driving, going out, visiting places locally, enjoying life. Then she got pneumonia, initially undiagnosed and was in hospital for 2 weeks from Christmas Day 2018. She began to recover but her health has never been the same since. Preparations for her 90th Birthday ( an immediate family meal for 10 people in a local restaurant organised by others) over-excited her and she was back in hospital a few days later, because it was all too much for her. She has become ever more frail in the intervening (almost) 3 years. Lots more hospital stays and she now has carers. Once a very elderly person gets 'pulled down' by something which causes stress, or whatever, they are very unlikely to get back to where they were before the event so you are absolutely right to be stopping these relatives - even if WW£ ensues

[quote 2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]@Silvers11
In my last email I told them it was neither fair nor feasible and couldn’t happen .
I also said I didn’t care what they had been told by my parents but I was saying no to protect their health.

Hope that did the trick.[/quote]
Sorry - we were posting at the same time!!

Well done OP.

They sound awful.

Your relatives are unbelievably cheeky!!

We have stopped staying at my parents' house when we visit - they're in their early 80s. It's too much for them. So we book a cottage and they come to stay with us for a mini-break instead!

Hosting 9 people they don't even know that well for 10 days, including kids? Madness.

Blimey, I had a feeling there would be a reason behind their sudden "kind" offer of coming over to celebrate.

That's a whole new level of CF'ery.

[quote 2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]@Silvers11
In my last email I told them it was neither fair nor feasible and couldn’t happen .
I also said I didn’t care what they had been told by my parents but I was saying no to protect their health.

Hope that did the trick.[/quote]
Excellent

We had two 20ish visitors once visit us in New York from Germany. Little did we know that we had invited them to stay for three weeks. Three weeks of lectures. Lectures about how America is bad--why do we not study the Vietnam war in high school (we do), why do we use air conditioning because it is wasteful (took them one day to figure out), etc; lectures about me such as why did I wear a white wedding dress when I was not a virgin when I got married, why did I have the planks on the deck cut diagonal instead of straight (again, wasteful), etc. Three longest weeks of my life. I'm very proud of you for saying a firm no now, OP. This must not and cannot happen.

@PrincessNutella

How very rude of your visitors, enjoying your hospitality whilst lecturing you and the place you live. And as for the comment about your wedding dress!. I'm not sure how you didn't eject them long before their unwelcome visit. 🌹

Oh the great wisdom of those in their 20s. I hope I wasn't like that, but I probably was, at least a bit.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney - been following this and wish you well in protecting your parents, it all sounds massively infuriating!

Your parents are from an era where they accept whatever is chucked at them, never complaining and as you say will "muddle" through. Definitely step in, cause WW3, they clearly don't have any consideration for your parents they're obviously looking for free b&b. Good luck 👍

@Peaseblossum22- Ah, that's my mistake and I copped to it after I wrote that post. I'm new to MN but am now going to read OP's posts first before commenting so I don't make that sort of mistake again. I live and learn!
@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney- Have they replied yet? I keeping my fingers crossed they'll be gracious about it ( they should be ashamed of themselves!) but even if they're not, feck 'em, they're bang out of order and you have done the right thing! Let us know anyway!

Well done OP!

I am so invested in this!

Well good on you OP for standing up for your parents. Hope it gets sorted.

Omg stop this madness before it happens!!! My parents are 70’s this could not happen it’s outrages it would be a lot for a couple to take on in their 30’s. And and it’s a big AND at 90 Covid is a real risk!!! 7 people out and about is outrageous it’s not safe!

@steppemum

Step in. Write to them and say that now your parents are 90 they are not able to cope with this, but they will never admit it. Staying with them is out fo the question. Expecting them to drive them anywhere is out of the question.

Your parents will never tell them as they are struggling to acknowledge this change, but at 90 they are now pretty elderly since the last time they saw them.

So as a good daughter you are stepping in.

Suggest they need to up their game and drive and stay in B&B, or not come.

This

Yes OP, do what @Eucalyptusbee suggests.

What, you did it a few days ago? How dare you act before people have read the full thread days later.

World War 3 has started . Yes they contacted my parents . Yes they are the epitome of the ultimate cheeky fucker in fact that accolade is far too good for them.

Told me to stay out of it .

Italy is now cancelled apparently - funny that ! Oh and they are getting a car now probably because they realise that they will be fined for lack of car seats or might break down in an unreliable car or stuck in the middle of nowhere with no transport.

Oh and testing every day for covid whilst going here there and everywhere will really help my parents not catch it wont it ?

Wow they have no shame. What have your parents said? I feel for you as the stress this will cause and Then energy this will use for your parents could be catastrophic. I know you are cev as well but could you possibly go and stay with your parents for the first part of the dates? If you are all shielding and being extremely careful would that be manageable? That way if they turn up, which lets face it sounds like they will. You can be there to see them off. They have no care or respect for your parents health no or after x

So are they still coming, @2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney?!

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

World War 3 has started . Yes they contacted my parents . Yes they are the epitome of the ultimate cheeky fucker in fact that accolade is far too good for them.

Told me to stay out of it .

Italy is now cancelled apparently - funny that ! Oh and they are getting a car now probably because they realise that they will be fined for lack of car seats or might break down in an unreliable car or stuck in the middle of nowhere with no transport.

Oh and testing every day for covid whilst going here there and everywhere will really help my parents not catch it wont it ?

I'd just email back and ask them what part of they're not to come they don't understand?

Your parents are too old, you won't be there to pick up the slack, it's too much and you know, COVID||

Also, they're your parents and NO you are not staying out of it.

@steppemum

Step in. Write to them and say that now your parents are 90 they are not able to cope with this, but they will never admit it. Staying with them is out fo the question. Expecting them to drive them anywhere is out of the question.

Your parents will never tell them as they are struggling to acknowledge this change, but at 90 they are now pretty elderly since the last time they saw them.

So as a good daughter you are stepping in.

Suggest they need to up their game and drive and stay in B&B, or not come.

Exactly this.

Told me to stay out of it

Wait-who has told you to stay out of it? CF family visitors or your parents??

Oh I’m enraged.

Respond ‘I’ve been extremely cordial up until now but let me reiterate. You are not staying with my parents. You have no intention of celebrating my mother’s birthday - you expect free boarding. You want free accommodation with a vulnerable, unwell 90 year old couple and let me tell you it is not happening. You are disgusting if you think it is.’

If they're getting a car, can they stay in the AirB&B instead then?