Namechanged for this thread but am a longstanding regular.
DD told me that when she’s staying at ex’s this weekend, he’s having visitors and plans to give them his bed and he will sleep in hers - with her. She’s already been upset that he’s given guests her bed when she’s not there, without asking her (and always her bed, not DS’s). I said he should ask her first, but when she told me he wants to actually share her bed I was horrified. It is a double bed but that doesn’t make it ok imo. And he has other options like the sofa.
DD has started puberty and cares a lot about her privacy and private space. Ex has only recently moved and been able to give the dc their own rooms instead of sharing with her older brother.
However I searched for threads on this and quite a few responses to similar questions were that it’s fine and up to the dad, and that it’s ok for mums so it’s ok for dads too. I find that appalling - yes DD gets in my bed sometimes but we’re the same sex and I think it’s totally different in terms of how it makes her feel and the inappropriateness.
However I grew up in a home with zero boundaries and was sexually abused by my dad - so I can see I might have a distorted view.
DD has said she will tell him no she doesn’t want that - but he doesn’t tend to listen to her. AIBU and if I’m not, should I talk to him about it myself?