“I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

[BBOA]

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

Neither of us bother with Valentine's Day. Not a big deal really.

@Pr1mr0se

Not a valentine's fan here either. It's a money-maker scheme to bridge the gap in income between Christmas and Easter. It's not romantic at all.

It's as romantic as you want it to be

@Sirzy

If people want to celebrate it then fine.

But that doesn’t mean those that think it’s a waste of time care any more or less about each other!

Well you know that and I know that but it seems some of the posters so adamant that they care so much the rest of the year they would not demean themselves to celebrate Valentines Day don't!

@Sirzy

If people want to celebrate it then fine.

But that doesn’t mean those that think it’s a waste of time care any more or less about each other!

I dunno - the people who don't celebrate it are quite vocal that those who do must be cold to each other the rest of the year!

I'm not surprised Valentine's day throws up problems for some people.

I am surprised folks who are perfectly happy with what they and their partners do are so judgey if others feel differently. That goes for both sides :)

In my first ,ultimately not very jolly marriage, we didn't do valentines anything after the first year. At the time I said all the stuff about commercial rubbish, waster of time, tacky as hell etc. If I said it to myself enough times I could almost convince myself that that really was what I thought. Unlike other people on here ,who have otherwise happy marriages, mine wasn't. In the end a bouquet of flowers would arrive randomly, but it was because he was shagging someone else .Put me off flowers for a good while. My second husband is very different. He was widowed very young and said that, after his wife died, and he had to sort out her things, finding the notes ,cards etc they had written to each other was very special. He was glad they had both saved them because he could hear her voice again in the words.We treat each other well during the year but I do love a card on valentines and my birthday, with actual written down words that remind me of something silly we did or just why he loves me. It's up to everyone what they do but it means the world to be on the same page as that person.

Last time we bothered was 1976. Been married ever since, though.

Why do they think you weren't bothering this year?
Have you done something in previous years? If so, what would make them think this year was different? You need to ask them why they made this assumption.

My husband and I can't be arsed with valentine's day but we have both always felt that way and know it.

If it mattered to him, I would do something because when you love someone, things that matter to them, matter to you.

How you feel is important so talk to your partner about how you are feeling.

Completely forgot it was valentines day till about 2 minutes ago

Oops me too. Dh gone into town this morning, which I thought was a bit unusual - he hardly ever goes shopping with a willing heart. He said he needed socks. Thanks for the heads up. I'll make him a bacon sandwich for when he gets back.

We have bought cards and have a nice meal sorted later (at home, 2 young kids). The years or grand gestures have gone.

*of

I like to celebrate all the anniversaries and valentines like the poster further above and I’ve saved every little card etc from the last 20 y . We just exchange cards maybe little presents and have a nice meal while watching a movie or something . I rarely buy flowers so make sure there’s nice flowers and chocolates and champagne on this day too . I also make an effort for everyone on Christmas, Easter , Halloween and birthdays . I think it needs to be something that’s agreed on and you should really think whether it would make the other person happy . It’s easy to just say “ oh we don’t do that “about all kinds of little things . It’s easy in general not to bother to do all kinds of things in life and justify it to yourself while upsetting others

If your husband can't be bothered to buy you a bunch of flowers on Valentine's day, I think that's a bit shit, to be honest. I've no idea why people make excuses for lazy men.

I hope people realise it's possible to celebrate Valentine's Day AND do nice things for each other the rest of the year. Buying your partner a Valentine's card doesn't mean you're a twat for the other 364 days.

I don’t mind it, what’s the harm in giving each other a card and present if you so desire?

I don’t care if people want to write it off as commercial bollocks, ignore it, celebrate it in an ‘anti’ way, but I wish some wouldn’t pour scorn and mock people who do like to celebrate it.

Next time he hints at sex tell him you thought you weren't bothering this year....

We just swap cards. We ordered them online and wrote them for each other in bed this morning. Dh always used to make me one but at 85 he can’t do that. Here is a photo of this morning’s card.

We both forgot this year, but I just had to go shopping so bought us both some chocolate.

I think if you're not going to bother it's best to say in advance isn't it?

Did you bother Op?

I didn't think people bothered but the amount of people buying tat yesterday proved me wrong! I don't get it at all. As others have said it's a stupid card company holiday.

We never bother.

We aren't doing anything, never have really.. except maybe our first one. But you aren't unreasonable if it matters to you, what had you agreed beforehand? And I'm assuming he doesn't do nice stuff for you through the year?

@thegreylady

We just swap cards. We ordered them online and wrote them for each other in bed this morning. Dh always used to make me one but at 85 he can’t do that. Here is a photo of this morning’s card.

That's amazing! Have a lovely day

(Early 70s here)

@BoodleBug51

I upset DH by telling him that it's for single people and teenagers, not people who have been married for nearly 30 years. And it's a commercial racket that isn't remotely romantic...... just tacky.

I'm with this. DH and me have always bothered, right up until last year when we were still on lockdown and things were not as straightforward as nipping out to the local shop to buy cards.

That's set the precedent, as this year we've also agreed not to bother, for the precise reasons you've stated above. We figured it's not really for our age group and we have another celebration, our anniversary, which is more personal to us. In any case I'm 'off' cards these days: seems a waste of resources for something that's only going to be chucked in the bin in the end.

@thegreylady

We just swap cards. We ordered them online and wrote them for each other in bed this morning. Dh always used to make me one but at 85 he can’t do that. Here is a photo of this morning’s card.

Everyone should be someone's penguin

It seems a bit cold and depressing when people are like "it's just another day". Rituals and celebration days that are a bit more special than normal days can be part of the joy of life, especially after the couple of years everyone's had. It's easy to mark it as a special day without spending loads of money or buying commercial cards.

I’ve never liked Valentine’s Day or any of those hallmark days BUT I wouldn’t want my mum to be the only mother who didn’t get a treat on Mother’s Day, or my dad to be the only dad who didn’t get a card and a visit on Father’s Day. I wouldn’t want my dc to be the only ones that didn’t get a present from Santa at Christmas.

I don’t expect anything expensive on Valentines but I would be very put out if no effort was made at all. I’d be happy with a good hug and a bit of sweet talking or to have my dinner cooked for me. It doesn’t have to be tat.