“I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

[BBOA]

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

It seems the OP quoted her partner in her title and this isn't something that was pre-agreed by them, just something unilaterally announced

@EmbarrassingHadrosaurus Perhaps! But every year you hear about people saying "oh let's not do anything, it's all commercial nonsense" but expecting a surprise anyway, then being disappointed/ annoyed when they don't get one. They were supposed to just know

Doesn't make sense!

[quote Aloha7373]@thewhatsit “Some people are less materialistic than others”…

Explain what’s materialistic about it? We’ve booked the afternoon off to have lots of sex and then we’ll go to our favourite restaurant in the evening.

Very sad you feel the need to publicly judge and criticise everyone having a wonderful romantic day today.[/quote]
The people who want presents for the sake of presents are materialistic.

The only people I judge are the ones who want crap for Valentine’s Day just because but don’t really give much thought to whether they are happy and fulfilled the rest of the year. Every single bloody thread like it is always the same “well now you mention it .. no … it’s not a happy marriage”. Well then what difference would a necklace from Elizabeth Duke have made?!

And there has been PLENTY of judgement of the many of us who don’t care about Valentine’s Day. Apparently it’s “self preservation”.

I think valentines is stupid as it puts pressure on people to be loving/romantic on a random day.

My DH on Valentine’s Day: I gave him a box of heart shaped Lindt chocolates. He said it was a bit crap they didn’t have all the different flavours just the red ones. When I said happy valentines he didn’t even reply he was busy making his breakfast. He didn’t get me anything.

My DH in reality: since I got pregnant he does all the shopping, cooking and cleaning. He walks the dog every morning now so I can get some extra sleep. I want to get X Y and Z for nursery and do up a spare bedroom - he said yes and will pay for it all. He got a small bonus in work recently and transferred me half and told me to get myself something nice. The house was freezing last night and we were tucked up in bed nice and warm. I got a craving for some crisps and he ran down and got them for me.

It’s unfair on everyone to put so much pressure on one day.

We never bothered right through our lovely marriage. A couple of years when things were hectic we both forgot our wedding anniversary too, looked at each other, went "shit!" and laughed.

But seriously.
Can anyone really say that their relationship was enriched because of what their partner did for them on any given valentines day over the years?

i remember when i was at uni i felt a bit of a short lived thrilled to receive some anonymous bouquet of flowers or some such, but really - in long term relationships??

@cookiemonster2468

It seems the OP quoted her partner in her title and this isn't something that was pre-agreed by them, just something unilaterally announced

@EmbarrassingHadrosaurus Perhaps! But every year you hear about people saying "oh let's not do anything, it's all commercial nonsense" but expecting a surprise anyway, then being disappointed/ annoyed when they don't get one. They were supposed to just know

Doesn't make sense!

yeah this as well...."I told him not to bother then was soooo sad because he didn't bother AIBU"

So what if it's commercial? It's still a special day for people to make an extra effort to do something nice.

I think it's a bit sad not to bother, can be low key but it's still nice to show you care.

Well it's nice to show that you care every other day too, not just one day a year.

I do wonder if posters are such patronising cows in real life or if they just save it for MN so they can feel superior

I wonder this too....I always find the competitive 'not bothering' really strange. If you don't want to celebrate then fine! Other people like to celebrate and that is also fine....it doesn't mean we only bother one day a year or that we're super materialistic.

We have our little traditions which we enjoy and I hope we'll continue to enjoy for many years to come.

I have to be honest: I loathe Valentines. I think it’s cheap tick the box arse covering and I dislike it even more in a romantic relationship than when I am single. My DP feels the same and we have always been in agreement on this so I literally couldn’t give a shit about it.

Your problem is that you’re not aligned and you haven’t communicated properly on this. If you want a dozen red roses and you haven’t bothered much in the past you need to give him some warning.

@WhatAHexIGotInto

I think it's a bit sad not to bother, can be low key but it's still nice to show you care.

Well it's nice to show that you care every other day too, not just one day a year.

Do you think that people who celebrate Valentine's Day only show their partners they care on that one day??

God we've never bothered and we've been married for 36 years! I hate all the commercialism around this. He always does little thoughtful things for me. Yesterday he surprised me with a bag of liquorice comforts that he bought when he was at our local garden centre because he knows I like them 😀😀 That means more to me than some horrible tacky card!

SleepingStandingUp

Endofdaysarehere
Aww OP,

Did you want to post a #blessed#loved ? And now you can’t?

Sad for you.
I do wonder if posters are such patronising cows in real life or if they just save it for MN so they can feel superior.

Nope. This is me all the time.
And you? What’s your excuse for being snooty?

@FortunesFave

So what if it's commercial? It's still a special day for people to make an extra effort to do something nice.

You can choose any day , every day

Why does commercial matter? Because showing love should not have to mean buying anything.
Because it's no longer your choice. It's not done for a unique expression of love , it's because you have been told that's how you do it. It becomes a stick to hit people with. You didn't follow the rules

Do something or don't but make sure you're both in agreement on it.
If like both like a huge fuss with a suite at a 5* hotel and a string quartet that's great.
If you both like a funny homemade card and heart shaped toast that's excellent.
If you both prefer not to do anything that's fab too.
The clue is in both. If you hate it but it means a lot to your partner then surely you do something for the sole reason of it making their day.

If people want to celebrate it then fine.

But that doesn’t mean those that think it’s a waste of time care any more or less about each other!

We don’t bother anymore, we do nice things for each other randomly throughout the year which I appreciate much more. I have bought little gifts for my 5 year olds best friends as they all seem to get excited by Valentine’s Day.

I think it's a bit sad not to bother, can be low key but it's still nice to show you care.
Why is it sad😂😂😂

Dh has proved and shows he loves me every day of the year both in small gestures and every now and then large things. Nipping to a card shop and florist to buy me some very over priced flowers doesn’t make me feel special. The everyday treatment and kindness and support he does make me feel I am the most important person in the world ( even when I’m grumpy!)

@bubblesbubbles11

But seriously. Can anyone really say that their relationship was enriched because of what their partner did for them on any given valentines day over the years?

i remember when i was at uni i felt a bit of a short lived thrilled to receive some anonymous bouquet of flowers or some such, but really - in long term relationships??

Our relationship is enriched by our rituals and traditions. A nice card and token, thoughtful gift is nice to receive. A meal in our favourite restaurant is a lovely thing to do and something to look forward to. It feels like an extra treat as it's not something we'd do on a Monday typically.

We have a particular tradition for our anniversary too. They do enrich our relationship just as much as the every day stuff.

We have variations of this every year for Valentine's and our wedding anniversary (v close together). Sometimes I forget, sometimes he does, sometimes we both do, sometimes we both go all out - just depends on what else is going on in our lives at that time. I know he loves me though and he often does nice random things for me, so it doesn't bother me.

I've bought him a V Day card this year because I liked the sentiment on the card - I strongly suspect he hasn't got me one. But last week when I was having a really tough day, he bought me a little present when he did the food shopping - that means more to me.

Our relationship is enriched by our rituals and traditions. A nice card and token, thoughtful gift is nice to receive. A meal in our favourite restaurant is a lovely thing to do and something to look forward to. It feels like an extra treat as it's not something we'd do on a Monday typically.

We have a particular tradition for our anniversary too. They do enrich our relationship just as much as the every day stuff.

Same here. We have come away for a couple of nights to a much loved place we’ve been coming to for 30 years,

Not a valentine's fan here either. It's a money-maker scheme to bridge the gap in income between Christmas and Easter. It's not romantic at all.

@CounsellorTroi

Our relationship is enriched by our rituals and traditions. A nice card and token, thoughtful gift is nice to receive. A meal in our favourite restaurant is a lovely thing to do and something to look forward to. It feels like an extra treat as it's not something we'd do on a Monday typically.

We have a particular tradition for our anniversary too. They do enrich our relationship just as much as the every day stuff.

Same here. We have come away for a couple of nights to a much loved place we’ve been coming to for 30 years,

I agree. Rituals and traditions are very important. If a meal out isn't practical then flowers, cards...whatever. It should be something though.

Nipping to a card shop and florist to buy me some very over priced flowers doesn’t make me feel special.

This. If anything it makes me feel cheap and like he's done it out of guilt or because he forgot.

Nothing against people celebrating if they want to and some people have some lovely, personalised traditions. But assuming that its "sad" not to feel guilted into buying a card and flowers is just pure projection and pretty pathetic.

I have seen so many people reduced to tears by shitty Valentine's behaviour: buying nasty petrol station forecourt flowers after coming back late and being hungover. Forgetting altogether and having huge rows over it. The basic Valentine material you buy from the shops is generally intrinsically tacky: hideous cards, nasty underwear, fake flowers. To me, its a naff and psychologically unpleasant festival. No other festival is based on making people feel anxiety about the status of their romantic relationship.

That's not to say it can't be celebrated in a loving way but so much of it seems to be performative "look at me I'm in a relationship me!" point scoring. Crack on if you want to but I will sit it out.

@StickyToffeePuddingAndIceCream

We haven't done valentines day since we were bf and gf years ago, for some reason my husband bought me a card today, I've not got him anything. No big deal, there are 364 other days to express our love 😁. Valentines is for teens and people in the early stages of a relationship, not middle aged married couples. We have a wedding anniversary, that's our day to celebrate being in love!

YOU think it is for teens and that's fine but lots of people don't.

We are not a middle aged couple, we are an elderly (in our 60's) couple and have been married for 42 years. We are very happy and still very much in love which is, surely, something to be celebrated?

We also celebrate our wedding anniversary and our birthdays and even the anniversary of the day we met.

We manage to show love on the other 364 days PLUS Valentines Day