“I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

[BBOA]

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

I upset DH by telling him that it's for single people and teenagers, not people who have been married for nearly 30 years. And it's a commercial racket that isn't remotely romantic...... just tacky.

Ridiculous, it's not a birthday, it's not an anniversary, it's a silly manufactured, commercialised crock of shite.

I remembered yesterday, got him a card and then forgot to write it. To be honest, I thought he'd forgotten as neither of us had mentioned anything. Went downstairs into the kitchen and saw he'd left a heart shaped crumpet and two jigsaw pieces with our names on. Feel like a complete shit now!

We normally just buy each other cards and treat the day as the Hallmark holiday it is. Can't deny I was touched by the thought this year, but as others have said, if you do nice things for one another the rest of the year then who needs a special day? In my mind it's more for kids and young couples in their first flush.

Does he do nice things and appreciate you the rest of the year, op?

I don’t care about gifts, flowers etc but I say to him every year that I want a card. I don’t know if that’s just me after years of being single! This year he did manage a card 😅

Aww OP,

Did you want to post a #blessed#loved ? And now you can’t?

Sad for you.

I don't get why people care. I did get a "shall we just not bother with cards this year", and although I insisted he did get me one I don't know why. The whole idea of making a fuss just because it's valentines day makes me cringe.

We do cards on valentines and usually have something nice to eat in the evening and something bubbly. I am getting over covid so that bit isn't happening but we did do cards. I was glad I had ordered mine well in advance and had hidden it away as I have been ill since Wednesday. We treat each other nicely the rest of the year.
I was with someone years and years ago who didn't get me a card/anything after we moved in together. We had done valentines the year before so I assumed we always would.. His comment was "Well we live together now so I didn't think I needed to bother". Oh how I wish I had given greater weight to those words. Sadly I married him. He has been my ex husband for 25 years. If I could go back to that exact day I would end it there and then.Not needing to bother was the theme if our marriage.

We're not doing anything this year but we agreed that weeks ago. DP double checked last night - I'm not sure what he'd have done to fix it at 8pm on a Sunday if we were supposed to be buying for each other but he probably got a 'last call' Moonpig reminder or something

My dad's excuse to my mum for never buying her a card was that they showed each other their love all the time, so didn't need to do it on Valentine's! 😂

My dp and I just buy a card for each other, as it's just been his birthday so we celebrate then.

Well do you normally, do they show their love throughout the year or are birthdays and Christmas some last minute thought 13 hours before.?

Our "bothering" will be flowers, small present and cards where we write silly mush. Pizza and TV movie. I mean for some that would be huge and for others considered as "not making an effort"

We make each other cards every year and have great fun doing so

This year it was an adult Human female theme

My husband is busy with the sharpies as we speak
Y’all need to chill

Well I was asked yesterday, if I'd bought any nice flowers/chocolates for myself in the shop for valentines?! What?! Didn't know I was supposed to?! I'm genuinely not bothered though, at all.

We never celebrate Valentine’s Day. Don’t see the point. We do nice things throughout the year.

Like pp says, all depends on your normal and if anything has been discussed before. Over the years I have learned to make clear that I’m not at all fussed about what happens on V day, but ‘not bothering’ about Mother’s Day will piss me right off! It’s sad when we want surprised and pampered but I’ve found with my DH I’ve had to be very directive if I really want something. Which I know defeats the point in some ways but it’s better than feeling like you are now!

I'm not bothering this year, and if DP acts surprised I will tell him, "I didn't think we were bothering this year". Why does it make us stupid to not go along with spending money on a day driven by mass marketing?

@Endofdaysarehere

Aww OP,

Did you want to post a #blessed#loved ? And now you can’t?

Sad for you.

Oh god I am going to avoid Facebook today. My SIL will either be gushing over my brothers valentines attempt or ranting at his lack of attempt. We haven't had a #special love for a while . Bleurch

We normally get each other a present and a nice meal but we are skint this year so have said we are not bothering.

I normally have the conversation prior to valentines so you know where you both stand.

I e

I would feel put out if I had bought something for him and he hadn't got me anything though

@Laiste

I think if you've decided you aren't bothering at the very least it's good manners to inform your other half.

Before the day itself.

I agree - it's one thing 'not to bother', but if you usually do something (even something small), then you should at least bring it up if you aren't feeling it or haven't got time.

Deciding unilaterally to do something different from the norm leaves the other person on the back foot a bit.

@Endofdaysarehere

Aww OP,

Did you want to post a #blessed#loved ? And now you can’t?

Sad for you.

I do wonder if posters are such patronising cows in real life or if they just save it for MN so they can feel superior.

I sent a lighthearted 'good morning valentine' message to my boyfriend but I didn't think valentine's day was actually a big deal? I forgot about it entirely first thing.

It's sad if there's a mismatch. One wants to bother and the other doesn't ect.

Some very unkind things get said on MN about people who like a card and disappointed to not get one.

Some posters are like it about birthdays too. A post being sad about lack of fuss about their birthday will always get at least one answer telling them they're childish and pathetic and birthdays are for kids, ect.

DH and i are on the same page with valentines - nice card, kiss, ''love you'', that's it. Both happy. But if he was more into it i'd make a bigger effort and vice versa.

Me and my ex did valentines every year, the one year I got “I didn’t think we were bothering this year” was the same year I found out he was chatting up someone else. 😬

Valentine’s is commercial as fuck, but it’s just sloppy relationship behaviour to not check that you and your partner are on the same page about what to do for it. I never expected much, I just like those heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. Might see if I can pick one up tomorrow to enjoy for myself.

Some of these answers haha

YANBU - Valentine’s Day is about showing your appreciation and adoration. It doesn’t take much.. a box of dairy milk and a soppy card will do for most of us.

Asking for it is defeating the purpose, when you get someone a card or gift it’s usually because it’s a special occasion (which this is for most couples/admirers) not because they prepped you beforehand or discussed ‘if you’re bothering”. It shows you still care.. a card nowadays can be 29p from card factory- hardly a big deal and takes a minute to write out, but it shows you’ve taken time and energy for that person.

OP your feelings are valid! I’d be upset too. Treat yourself to a nice plant and a slice of cake

We always say we aren't bothering with it but ive got us a supermarket valentines meal deal(I work in one and get a staff discount🤣). Haven't had steak in ages, so looking forward to it.