“I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

[BBOA]

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

@Tilltheend99

Do people really ‘show each other how they feel with gestures throughout the year?’ That seems so instergrammy and like so much more overall effort than making extra effort on one day of the year only. All these threads about not bothering with Valentines seem actually more try hard than just giving each other a card etc

Not sure what you mean by "gestures".

DH will fairly often buy me a bunch of flowers or a small gift like a book he thinks I would like, a cd, a Fry' turkish delight (I am not a lover of chocolate but I love this but don't eat it that often).

I will buy him chocolate sometimes (he likes it much more than me), a book, cd etc.

We will sometimes book a surprise for other such as theatre tickets, concert tickets, a night or couple of nights away.

I feel we also show each other how much we love and care by the little things we do for each other.

@Runnerduck34

I think it's a bit sad not to bother, can be low key but it's still nice to show you care. If you dont bother it definitely has to be mutually agreed, not just one person just deciding they cba! But really how hard is it to get a card, a small gift and perhaps have a cosy evening with a box set and a takeaway. Of course you can show each other love and appreciation throughout the year , and you could say the same about mothers day, fathers day etc but imo it's nice to mark these occasions. It's a small thing to do and why would you potentially upset someone you love by not bothering. OP if you have different expectations it is hurtful so from experience I think talking about these events in advance and planning together is a good idea, maybe not as romantic but at least no bitter disappointments! Hope OH comes home with a card and gift after work for you.

The small gift and takeaway would be a nightmare for me. I really hate things that end up sitting around and I have been so disappointed by the last 2 takeaways that I have decided that it’s much nicer to cook something together and cheaper and healthier too.

Have you bothered EVERY OTHER year? If so, you are NBU. If not, YABU.

@mydogisthebest

Some of the replies make me laugh. Every year is the same, posters telling us that the day is just a made up crap day and they don't need to be told when to show love as they show it all the other days!

Well good for you but it doesn't have to be all the other days OR just Valentines Day you know.

We have always celebrated it and we have been married 42 years. We love each other and show it all the time, often buy little gifts, DH often buys me flowers etc but we still like to buy each other a card and maybe a small present and have a nice meal, whether at home or out.

DH has taken the day off work, as he nearly always does on Valentines and birthdays, we are going out in a bit and then tonight we will go for a curry.

We couldn't care less if it is commercialised or not, we like celebrating it. Of course not all couples do but you need to be in agreement about it.

My parents always gave each other a card for the 68 years they were married and they too were very much in love

Love this! It's like saying Christians shouldn't bother about religious holidays as they should celebrate Christ 365 days a year. Esp when most of those who celebrate it aren't even religious. Making a special day of something doesn't cancel out the other days. DH is romantic and I lap it up and do the same for him. I/we 'didn't bother in past relationships, but now realise it was because whoever I was with didn't bother or didn't appreciate my efforts. Needless to say, those are now exes. My DP's still celebrate it after 47 years of marriage. Sorry about your disappointment OP, clearly it means something to you, and that's valid.

@LyricalBlowToTheJaw

You've not really given enough info OP.

The main thing is, what's normal and expected in your marriage? The 'this year' part makes it sound like you would usually do something, is that correct? If so, I see why you're upset.

To that end, the posts about what people think of the day itself aren't necessarily relevant. I myself am reeeeally not a fan of Valentine's Day, to say the least, and wouldn't welcome anything from DH. But that's got nothing to do with what the parameters in your relationship are. I don't celebrate most religious festivals either, but if eg someone Jewish came on upset because her DH had been a twat over Hanukkah I wouldn't reply with oh well I don't actually believe the lamp oil story myself anyway. Or Eid, Chinese New Year, whatever festival. Because that doesn't matter. The point is whether Valentine's Day is something you would usually expect to have marked.

What a lovely post! When OP posts looking for support, it's about them and what they find important. You've put it so well.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

We agreed on no Christmas presents, what with one thing and another and so on and so forth.

Then she bought me a fabulous present, the untrustworthy so-and-so.

Fortunately I had anticipated this unforgiveable deception and bought her one too.

That showed her.

🤣🤣, well played.

@Mirw

Why bother. He married you!!

Why bother, the demise of many a marriage/relationship.

@LyricalBlowToTheJaw exactly that.
( Yes I took a peak once I’d eaten several packs of biscuits and put my full body armour on 🤣)

Some lovely comments too from those who got the original post.

DH used to and be quite romantic but then stopped. When asked why he said he didn't like the commercialism

@Tilltheend99

Do people really ‘show each other how they feel with gestures throughout the year?’ That seems so instergrammy and like so much more overall effort than making extra effort on one day of the year only. All these threads about not bothering with Valentines seem actually more try hard than just giving each other a card etc

Yeah? My DH often comes home with little presents he saw that he thinks I'd like, he buys me flowers every week. Why is that odd?

*It's not instagrammy because I don't post it on Instagram :p

Some posters are just nasty to others for wanting to celebrate something they don't. They make out like those who celebrate valentines day do nothing nice any other day. It's pathetic. It makes me think they're either too stupid or ignorant to understand different people enjoy different things.

My partner and I show each other we love each other in the small things we do every day. However we always get a card with a thoughtful message for each other and a gift. It doesn't cost much but it's always thoughtful and we both appreciate the gesture. A bit of silly romance is something we both enjoy.

I don't think people who choose not to celebrate it have an inferior relationship to those who do so I don't understand why so many posters have an issue with those who do.

I said this to my DP.. he gave me a nice card and present and I hadn't got anything!

I love him to pieces but it's just such a commercial event, and I feel like it's a bit more for younger or newer relationships.

I like to think we show our love in other ways.

Birthday, Xmas, wedding anniversary, Easter, Mother's Day.. blah blah

@EllaVaNight

Some posters are just nasty to others for wanting to celebrate something they don't. They make out like those who celebrate valentines day do nothing nice any other day. It's pathetic. It makes me think they're either too stupid or ignorant to understand different people enjoy different things.

My partner and I show each other we love each other in the small things we do every day. However we always get a card with a thoughtful message for each other and a gift. It doesn't cost much but it's always thoughtful and we both appreciate the gesture. A bit of silly romance is something we both enjoy.

I don't think people who choose not to celebrate it have an inferior relationship to those who do so I don't understand why so many posters have an issue with those who do.

Totally agree. Not all couples celebrate Valentines and that's fine as long as both partners are happy.

So many of the posters who don't celebrate it though seem to feel the need to post how stupid it is and how they show so much love and affection all the rest of the year. Like you can't possibly do both.

Also sick of the comments about how it is for "younger relationships, teenagers, newer relationships etc".

We have been married 42 years and have always celebrated Valentines. We show love throughout the year and often surprise the other with a gift, a day out, an evening out etc but we both like celebrating Valentines.

As I said before, my parents celebrated it for the 68 years they were married as they were very much in love.

I will say as well the cards with thoughtful messages don't get thrown away. They are all kept. My first ever care job was in the community. A lady I will never forget was widowed and she kept her wedding dress hung up on display in her bedroom with her husband's suit behind and it's arms wrapped around her dress. They had kept all cards between each other and made them into books. She treasured looking at them and it brought her so much joy. It still brings me joy now to think of how her face lit up at them.

If you never usually bother and didn’t discuss bothering then YABU, if you generally always bother and didn’t discuss not bothering then YANBU.
I feel like bother isn’t a real word anymore I’ve said it too many times.

DO bother! Not RTFT but my husband died young. I still smile when I come across his cheeky Valentine's cards to me. Seeing his handwriting is wonderful too. :-)

@EllaVaNight

I will say as well the cards with thoughtful messages don't get thrown away. They are all kept. My first ever care job was in the community. A lady I will never forget was widowed and she kept her wedding dress hung up on display in her bedroom with her husband's suit behind and it's arms wrapped around her dress. They had kept all cards between each other and made them into books. She treasured looking at them and it brought her so much joy. It still brings me joy now to think of how her face lit up at them.

I keep all the cards to and from my DH and from close family (siblings and parents).

My parents both died last year and mum had kept every single card her and dad sent each other along with cards from me and my siblings.

It was lovely reading all the messages mum and dad wrote in each others birthday, Christmas and Valentines card although they made me cry (a lot).

For me cards are not a waste of money as I choose ones with words that have a meaning and also write something nice in them

@mamabear715

DO bother! Not RTFT but my husband died young. I still smile when I come across his cheeky Valentine's cards to me. Seeing his handwriting is wonderful too. :-)

Sorry for you loss :(

@AryaStarkWolf Thank you xx

we never bother. It's contrived nonsense.

@mamabear715

DO bother! Not RTFT but my husband died young. I still smile when I come across his cheeky Valentine's cards to me. Seeing his handwriting is wonderful too. :-)

Sorry for your loss,

Thank you xx