Page 10 | “I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

BBOA · 2022-02-14T08:37:59+00:00

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/02/2022 13:27

@Endofdaysarehere

Aww OP,

Did you want to post a #blessed#loved ? And now you can’t?

Sad for you.

FYI, pound shop Ricky Gervais is not a good look for you.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2022 13:29

Perhaps we read it with different tones of voices in our head, but when someone tells you something is important to them and you tell them it's tacky commercial shit that isn't important then yes, I think that comes across as sneery. And the other comment "Aww OP, Did you want to post a #blessed#loved ? And now you can’t? Sad for you WAS sneery.*

Granted that particular comment you quoted was nasty and called for. I disagree with you about people giving their opinion on what they think about Valentines day in general and whether they celebrate it or not though. It's not a personal attack on anyone else

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/02/2022 13:38

Op I get why you're feeling let down. If he/she is generally thoughtless the rest of the year, there's a tendency to hope that just maybe they'll redeem themselves on a specific occasion. When they fail to do so, it's like a slap in the face - far more so than if they are usually caring and loving.

That said, buying a card and present on v day is not necessarily indicative of the health of the relationship. I remember many years my dad bought 2/3 identical cards and presents - one set for my mum, the other for the OW(s) he had on the go at the time. (Yes, he used to do this in front of me. Yes, it was all kinds of fucked up.)

You might want to post a new thread on the Relationships board. AIBU is basically where pissed off people come to relieve their stress with a drive-by bitch-plop.

Aloha7373 · 14/02/2022 13:44

Omggggggggggg cheer up people! How has a chat about bloody cards and flowers turned into a philosophical debate about the value and validity of love.

I think the takeaway from all this is that some people like giving/receiving on days like these, some don’t. All good.

…Then there are those who like to shoot down differing opinions, criticise otherwise well-meaning people, and get on their soapboxes about why they’re right till the cows come home. Those people are annoying, attention-seeking, toxic and can well and truly do one!

SpamIAm · 14/02/2022 14:00

We agreed in advance that we weren't bothering. Saves anyone being disappointed.

Original poster

BBOA · 14/02/2022 14:50

@T00Ts they are clearly a very unhappy people!

Thank you everyone for your comments. It is interesting to hear other’s views and how they celebrate V day or not. I take on board I should have been clearer with other half. Have a great rest of the day everyone whatever you are doing. Peace out.
(I’m leaving the thread now)

OP posts:

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/02/2022 15:04

Peace out. (I’m leaving the thread now)

Im not suprised. There have been some real twats on this thread.

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 16:35

@Laiste I think if you actual look at all the posts, by far the most judgey are the ones by posters who don't celebrate it.

We have been told:

It's too commercialised

It's tacky

It's only for teenagers

It's not for middle aged couples

Older couples that celebrate are stupid

It's a waste of money

The price of flowers is inflated for Valentines - not totally true and not everyone buys or gets flowers

Cards are a waste and end up in the bin - not a waste to everyone and mine don't end up in the bin. I have kept all the cards sent to and from DH and my siblings and parents. See the post above about someone looking back at cards when their partner died

They show love the other 364 days

They don't need to be told when to show love

It's hyped up shit

Restaurants all put their prices up - they don't. We are going to an indian restaurant who haven't changed their menu in the slightest from the menu they have the other 364 days of the year

Our anniversary means more - well so does ours especially our 20th, 30th and then 40th but we still like to celebrate Valentines

If most of those comments are not sneery I would like to know what would be deemed as sneery.

I don't care in the slightest whether couples celebrate Valentines or their birthdays, anniversaries etc as long as they both agree. Why are so many of the non-celebrators so bothered?

My parents gave each other a Valentines card every year for the 68 years of their marriage and the 3 years before they married. They also celebrated their wedding anniversary every year and their birthdays. They were totally in love until they died. They showed that by their words and actions not just the cards and/or the presents they gave.

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 16:39

@DillonPanthersTexas

We swapped cards but we never eat out on valentine's Day or pay over the odds for some tacky themed gifts. We might crack open a bottle of wine later.

So I guess this isn't a sneery comment?

Why must gifts given on Valentines Day be tacky and themed? Perfectly possible to buy a book, a cd, a dvd, perfume, nice chocolates, flowers (not roses), a nice plant, earrings, necklace, bracelet, cufflinks. Shall I go on?

Also if you don't want to eat out on Valentines fine but many restaurants don't have a special menu or put their prices up. Just go to a restaurant you like that isn't do a Valentines special

Laiste · 14/02/2022 17:38

@mydogisthebest you left out

caring means you are obsessed and therefore pathetic

oakleaffy · 14/02/2022 17:45

[quote mydogisthebest]**@Laiste I think if you actual look at all the posts, by far the most judgey are the ones by posters who don't celebrate it.

We have been told:

It's too commercialised

It's tacky

It's only for teenagers

It's not for middle aged couples

Older couples that celebrate are stupid

It's a waste of money

The price of flowers is inflated for Valentines - not totally true and not everyone buys or gets flowers

Cards are a waste and end up in the bin - not a waste to everyone and mine don't end up in the bin. I have kept all the cards sent to and from DH and my siblings and parents. See the post above about someone looking back at cards when their partner died

They show love the other 364 days

They don't need to be told when to show love

It's hyped up shit

Restaurants all put their prices up - they don't. We are going to an indian restaurant who haven't changed their menu in the slightest from the menu they have the other 364 days of the year

Our anniversary means more - well so does ours especially our 20th, 30th and then 40th but we still like to celebrate Valentines

If most of those comments are not sneery I would like to know what would be deemed as sneery.

I don't care in the slightest whether couples celebrate Valentines or their birthdays, anniversaries etc as long as they both agree. Why are so many of the non-celebrators so bothered?

My parents gave each other a Valentines card every year for the 68 years of their marriage and the 3 years before they married. They also celebrated their wedding anniversary every year and their birthdays. They were totally in love until they died. They showed that by their words and actions not just the cards and/or the presents they gave.[/quote]
That’s a really lovely post.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/02/2022 17:49

@HeadToToesNo

We aren't bothering this year. We do nice stuff for each other through out the year.

Assuming this is about Valentines day?

Same here.

WaitingToExhale · 14/02/2022 17:55

We made the effort back when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Now, happily married for almost a decade, where we tell each other "I love you" every day, just don't need this commercialised day.

LyricalBlowToTheJaw · 14/02/2022 18:15

You've not really given enough info OP.

The main thing is, what's normal and expected in your marriage? The 'this year' part makes it sound like you would usually do something, is that correct? If so, I see why you're upset.

To that end, the posts about what people think of the day itself aren't necessarily relevant. I myself am reeeeally not a fan of Valentine's Day, to say the least, and wouldn't welcome anything from DH. But that's got nothing to do with what the parameters in your relationship are. I don't celebrate most religious festivals either, but if eg someone Jewish came on upset because her DH had been a twat over Hanukkah I wouldn't reply with oh well I don't actually believe the lamp oil story myself anyway. Or Eid, Chinese New Year, whatever festival. Because that doesn't matter. The point is whether Valentine's Day is something you would usually expect to have marked.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/02/2022 18:46

We got each other a card and had a steak that he cooked last night (and some good sex ) as I'm at my hobby tonight. I never expect anything else really. We did get engaged on Valentine's Day 11 years ago but normally don't really do anything

User48751490 · 14/02/2022 20:13

@thepeopleversuswork

Perhaps we read it with different tones of voices in our head, but when someone tells you something is important to them and you tell them it's tacky commercial shit that isn't important then yes, I think that comes across as sneery.

Well, but using that logic no one would ever challenge the truth of religious faith. I know people of faith take it very seriously and I respect that but equally I have the right to think its a load of nonsense and say so.

Some things which people cling to as being important are false friends. I happen to think people get unhealthily over invested in Valentine's Day which I think is more malign than benign and I stand by this. I think we would generally have healthier relationships if we didn't get so hung up on these ritualistic bits of symbolism.

I accept that not everyone else feels like me and I fully accept their right to feel as they do, but don't tell people they can't express a negative opinion.

You talk sense in many of your posts - this is another one of them 🙌

LuckyAmy1986 · 14/02/2022 20:55

@Theghostofchristmasarse do you actually think it’s a load of bollocks or are you just trying to make yourself feel better by saying that? Cause if it’s the latter and you see yourself being with him for a long time there is no Shame in saying it’s important to you and you’d like to do something next year

WalkingOnTheCracks · 15/02/2022 11:41

We agreed on no Christmas presents, what with one thing and another and so on and so forth.

Then she bought me a fabulous present, the untrustworthy so-and-so.

Fortunately I had anticipated this unforgiveable deception and bought her one too.

That showed her.

purplebunny2012 · 15/02/2022 17:50

We just did cards. I didn't even buy one, I made it this year

LaughingCat · 15/02/2022 17:54

Never done Valentine’s Day or our anniversary. Saying that, I drew a heart in his lunchtime soup with the cream yesterday. It was a total fluke but I decided to take credit anyway 😁.

If you wanted to do Valentine’s Day, maybe you should have had that conversation with him before yesterday rather than assume he could read your mind, eh?

Mirw · 15/02/2022 18:28

Why bother. He married you!!

Amaksy · 15/02/2022 19:03

We didn’t bother or so I thought until I saw a perfume set in a gift bag but without a card I think this was definitely a last minute gift purchase.

Dullardmullard · 15/02/2022 19:04

Know what I got a pineapple tart my absolutely fave he got the same 😂 and we had them with a cuppa as normally we don’t bother really but it just landed on the 14th

If he decided himself that’s shit and if it’s shit all the time it’s time to talk

Tilltheend99 · 15/02/2022 19:56

Do people really ‘show each other how they feel with gestures throughout the year?’ That seems so instergrammy and like so much more overall effort than making extra effort on one day of the year only. All these threads about not bothering with Valentines seem actually more try hard than just giving each other a card etc

Mollymoostoo · 15/02/2022 19:56

Just realised I bought a card, hid it and never gave it to him. He didn't get me one anyway so no biggy.