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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

272 replies

BBOA · 14/02/2022 08:37

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/02/2022 10:01

You haven’t said if he actually had any reason to think you weren’t bothering?

AChocolateOrangeaday · 14/02/2022 10:02

All the posters saying "it's the rest of the year that count so we don't bother celebrating a Hallmark Holiday" you can do both you know.

Also those who are saying "it's just for teenagers" well DH and I were teenagers when we met and over 30 years later he is still my sweetheart.

Should we stop celebrating it because we got old and grey together?

user1471538283 · 14/02/2022 10:02

I used to bother way back in the day but honestly I cannot be arsed now. I don't know anyone who is.

PurpleDaisies · 14/02/2022 10:03

All the posters saying "it's the rest of the year that count so we don't bother celebrating a Hallmark Holiday" you can do both you know

Yes, but it isn’t compulsory. If you want to celebrate, fine. If I want to think it’s a commercial load of nonsense, that should be fine too.

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 10:04

@Change123today

We always do cards and I get a small bunch of Daffodils or tulips! Christmas we always agree no gifts! Birthdays are small token gifts. My husband has a hobby so he is usually saving up for something to do with that - so I just put in the savings fund for him. & I like going to the hairdresser once in a while for a decent haircut/colour so I spend a small fortune on that!

It works for us and saves the stress (or disappointment) we both forgot our first wedding anniversary! So we have chosen to only celebrate big milestone ones (we went away for our 10th & it’s our 20th next year so will plan something special for then) we’ve chosen not to spend money but put it towards other things - but it’s an agreed between us!
My sister is someone who likes a fuss so her husband always puts the effort in. Which is sweet but agreed between them. He knows if she said no not to worry he needs to ignore that and make sure a gift is brought :)
I think as long as both parties have properly agreed on expectations not just settling.

I agree that as long as both of you are happy it is fine.

Me and DH both love making a big thing of each other's birthdays, Christmas and our wedding anniversary. We don't make such a big day of Valentines but some years we have gone away for the night or even a couple of nights.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 14/02/2022 10:05

@PurpleDaisies Sorry? Where in my post did I say it was compulsory?

I completely agree with you!

AgathaAllAlong · 14/02/2022 10:06

Aloha7373 lol how is not celebrating valentine's day "woke"?? It's not that I think Valentine's day is racist, it's that I don't like celebrating being in a romantic relationship via the exchange of flowers because I find it pointless. To those asking, I also don't like Christmas presents. It's nothing to do with politics or social injustice.

Shoxfordian · 14/02/2022 10:06

We always have a nice meal, even at home, and dh bought some champagne. I expect there’ll be some flowers delivered as well later. It’s fine if you both don’t want to do valentines but it’s not cool to sneer at other people or think you’re somehow superior for not doing it

CounsellorTroi · 14/02/2022 10:07

@Nidan2Sandan

Completely forgot it was valentines day till about 2 minutes ago 😆

We never do anything for it, feels very forced. It's a Hallmark holiday and I find the folk that obsess about it a bit pathetic tbh. Why do you need to have your other half prove he loves you today, and not the other 364 days of the year just because the calendar says he should. Utter nonsense

By this logic you could say exactly the same about birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, mothers/fathers day (and fathers day is a total hallmark invention) and Easter.

I think it’s a bit pathetic to assume that people who like to do something on Valentines Day “obsess” about it tbh.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 14/02/2022 10:08

I didn't bother this year. Neither did DH. We've been married 35 years. I don't need an overpriced price of paper to tell me he loves me. It's a marketing con.

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 10:08

@PurpleDaisies

All the posters saying "it's the rest of the year that count so we don't bother celebrating a Hallmark Holiday" you can do both you know

Yes, but it isn’t compulsory. If you want to celebrate, fine. If I want to think it’s a commercial load of nonsense, that should be fine too.

Of course it is fine not to celebrate it but no need to make posts about how you don't need to celebrate it because you show love all the other days or you don't need to be told when to show love are really unnecessary and, in my view, pretty pathetic.

If you don't celebrate it, for whatever reason, fine but no need to sneer at people who do and proclaim you don't need to.

Aloha7373 · 14/02/2022 10:08

@thewhatsit “Some people are less materialistic than others”…

Explain what’s materialistic about it? We’ve booked the afternoon off to have lots of sex and then we’ll go to our favourite restaurant in the evening.

Very sad you feel the need to publicly judge and criticise everyone having a wonderful romantic day today.

cookiemonster2468 · 14/02/2022 10:10

Ok but did you say you weren't bothering?

You can't say you don't want to bother and then expect a gesture anyway - that's very confusing mixed messages.

Either say what you want, or don't, but your partner isn't a mind reader.

Sceptre86 · 14/02/2022 10:10

We used to go away for valentines day every year till we had a dd born in March and couple that with Mother's day it left us both a bit skint. We still do Valentines day in that I get flowers and a gift as does dh but we don't spend more than £60 on each other. This year we are away but only because its fallen over the February halfterm holidays and are on holiday with the kids.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2022 10:11

Valentines Day is stupid, I got my DH a card which I forget to write and it's still in my car, he rang me on his way to work this morning to say Happy valentines day as he heard them talking about it on the radio Grin Really couldn't give a shit about yet another stupid commercialised "holiday". We appreciate each other all year round, much better than being thoughtful/romantic once a year :p

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 10:12

@Everydaydayisaschoolday

I didn't bother this year. Neither did DH. We've been married 35 years. I don't need an overpriced price of paper to tell me he loves me. It's a marketing con.
Another sneery comment.

I don't NEED a card either after 42 years of marriage but DH loves me and wants to give me a card as he does on my birthday, on Christmas Day and on our anniversary. I do the same for him.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 14/02/2022 10:13

@cookiemonster2468

Ok but did you say you weren't bothering?

You can't say you don't want to bother and then expect a gesture anyway - that's very confusing mixed messages.

Either say what you want, or don't, but your partner isn't a mind reader.

It seems the OP quoted her partner in her title and this isn't something that was pre-agreed by them, just something unilaterally announced.
mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 10:14

@AryaStarkWolf

Valentines Day is stupid, I got my DH a card which I forget to write and it's still in my car, he rang me on his way to work this morning to say Happy valentines day as he heard them talking about it on the radio Grin Really couldn't give a shit about yet another stupid commercialised "holiday". We appreciate each other all year round, much better than being thoughtful/romantic once a year :p
Tet another sneery post.

Some posters are so eager to tell us how they appreciate each other all year round and buy gifts when it isn't even Valentines. By the amount some of them protest I can't help wondering just how happy their relationships are

StickyToffeePuddingAndIceCream · 14/02/2022 10:14

We haven't done valentines day since we were bf and gf years ago, for some reason my husband bought me a card today, I've not got him anything. No big deal, there are 364 other days to express our love 😁. Valentines is for teens and people in the early stages of a relationship, not middle aged married couples. We have a wedding anniversary, that's our day to celebrate being in love!

EvilPea · 14/02/2022 10:14

We do a token gift and card.
Nothing extravagant probably around the £10 mark. Just something.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2022 10:14

Another sneery comment.

Is it sneery though?, she's just giving her opinion on it. It's not a personal attack!

CounsellorTroi · 14/02/2022 10:15

Really couldn't give a shit about yet another stupid commercialised "holiday". We appreciate each other all year round, much better than being thoughtful/romantic once a year

😂 oh yes because all couples who celebrate Valentines treat each other like shit the rest of the year!

anothersmahedmug · 14/02/2022 10:15

Never done it

Why would we?

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2022 10:15

Some posters are so eager to tell us how they appreciate each other all year round and buy gifts when it isn't even Valentines. By the amount some of them protest I can't help wondering just how happy their relationships are

Oh that's quite nasty and personal. My relationship is fabulous though, in case you were worried!

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2022 10:16

@CounsellorTroi

Really couldn't give a shit about yet another stupid commercialised "holiday". We appreciate each other all year round, much better than being thoughtful/romantic once a year

😂 oh yes because all couples who celebrate Valentines treat each other like shit the rest of the year!

I didn't say that, knock yourself out, I was talking about my own opinion on it, it isn't a personal attack on you or anyone else!