Page 4 | “I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

BBOA · 2022-02-14T08:37:59+00:00

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

TeaAndStrumpets · 14/02/2022 09:36

@FourTeaFallOut

DH told me that, for the first time in over twenty years, he wasn't bothering to get roses this year because he read that they were from some far flung place and it's an ecological disaster, something-something, carbon footprint. I asked him he was telling me all this over his ethically produced, locally sourced coffee???

This is hilarious! Other flowers are available.....

I've noticed that Christmas gifts and Easter eggs are always welcome, perhaps because they (generally) get organised by Mum/wife. Not such a commercial sham/ environmental disaster if you don't have to lift a finger?

Oilyoilyoilgob · 14/02/2022 09:37

Ah I like celebrating it! I’ve asked husband not to get me flowers this year as we are going away this week and will be spending lots on food and accommodation, but I think he’ll still get me some as he likes to spoil me!

I got him a good bottle of wine, chocolates and I’ve booked him in some pampering treatments while we are away.

We spoil each other during the year but I like the pick me up of valentines at this time of year 😃

Somethingsnappy · 14/02/2022 09:38

@SleepingStandingUp, I always imagine that they're shy, retiring and lack confidence in real life.

Holothane · 14/02/2022 09:38

He brought me a load of sweets the other day not a heart in sight I’m glad as I don’t care this year. He’s still in my bad books anyway. So valentines stuff today is meaningless as far as I’m concerned.

Madickenxx · 14/02/2022 09:38

Gosh there's a lot of competitive non-bothering on this thread so far!

I think the key is, if you usually tend to mark Valentine's then it's only right to communicate if you have decided not to. By your last message though it seems he's a twat for most of the year so don't expect different on special days. It took me years to realise this during the 20 years I spent with my abusive waste of space ex-H and I became much happier when I decided to treat myself on birthdays, valentines etc.

I know everyone says it's just a commercial made up holiday....well so are the many of our Christmas traditions but that doesn't stop people from having Christmas Eve boxes, elf on the shelf etc. There is nothing wrong in marking a day as a reminder to appreciate those you love. Life gets busy sometimes and it's easy to take people for granted day to day. We will exchange cards tonight and have a meal out on Saturday. :-)

thewhatsit · 14/02/2022 09:40

Some years we’ve bought cards and that’s as far as it goes but not “doing” Valentines Days this year at all. Both of us happy with this arrangement.

Trinacham · 14/02/2022 09:40

I always talk to my DH beforehand about it, that way he has warning! I know not everyone likes to celebrate the day, and the excuse of 'you should show your love any day' is thrown about a lot but I do still enjoy to receive and give a card at least! It's just nice to have a day where we can give cards, a little gift and then have a nice meal in the evening! It's not something people do everyday so why not.

MistOverTheDowns · 14/02/2022 09:40

Are all these posters so chilled if Mothers' Day is ignored? Christmas is pretty commercial too, is that ignored as well?

It's a bit of fun and partaking doesn't exclude love on the other 364 days.

It just sounds grim and dour to declare it a commercial holiday, fold your arms and set your lips in a line. Still, I suppose if you know your partner will ignore it then it's best to decide and then declare it means nothing to you.

It's all about self protection innit?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/02/2022 09:41

We have a competition each year - who can buy the worst, tackiest card you've ever seen. It feels like more thought has gone in, you've not picked a generic, meaningless card; you've actually hunted for worst thing you can find

Now that I could get into :)

notacooldad · 14/02/2022 09:42

We have never bothered with valentines as far as I can remember.
DH does make a big fuss for me for my birthday and Christmas though and he is super lovely all year round anyway. I happy with that. ( same the other way round, I like to fuss over him as well!)

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 14/02/2022 09:43

@MistOverTheDowns

Are all these posters so chilled if Mothers' Day is ignored? Christmas is pretty commercial too, is that ignored as well?

It's a bit of fun and partaking doesn't exclude love on the other 364 days.

It just sounds grim and dour to declare it a commercial holiday, fold your arms and set your lips in a line. Still, I suppose if you know your partner will ignore it then it's best to decide and then declare it means nothing to you.

It's all about self protection innit?

Yep, also chilled about Mother’s Day. My children make me a card/homemade gift at school, which is lovely. DH got me a card from them before they were old enough to make something but I wouldn’t have been arsed if he didn’t. Not sure it’s self protection as DH has got me a valentines card/gift but I haven’t got him anything as I didn’t think we were bothering.

2me2u2u2me · 14/02/2022 09:43

@elizabethdraper

Hadn't a clue it was valentines day until until my husband started looking for a valentine shag this morning

love it

Opaljewel · 14/02/2022 09:45

@Endofdaysarehere

Aww OP,

Did you want to post a #blessed#loved ? And now you can’t?

Sad for you.

Well that was bitchy. Any need? Just because it isn't for you, doesn't mean it isn't for others. But you carry on being you!

ChickenStripper · 14/02/2022 09:45

Mine said this when he was having an affair.

BlondeWidow · 14/02/2022 09:45

My Mum always says this about Christmas

ddshocker · 14/02/2022 09:48

We never do valentines...

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 09:52

Some of the replies make me laugh. Every year is the same, posters telling us that the day is just a made up crap day and they don't need to be told when to show love as they show it all the other days!

Well good for you but it doesn't have to be all the other days OR just Valentines Day you know.

We have always celebrated it and we have been married 42 years. We love each other and show it all the time, often buy little gifts, DH often buys me flowers etc but we still like to buy each other a card and maybe a small present and have a nice meal, whether at home or out.

DH has taken the day off work, as he nearly always does on Valentines and birthdays, we are going out in a bit and then tonight we will go for a curry.

We couldn't care less if it is commercialised or not, we like celebrating it. Of course not all couples do but you need to be in agreement about it.

My parents always gave each other a card for the 68 years they were married and they too were very much in love

crabappleof · 14/02/2022 09:53

In the same year, my exh forgot our wedding anniversary and said he hadn't bought flowers for Valentines Day because the shops hike up the price. He had been cheating on me.

Stressedout1009 · 14/02/2022 09:55

We bothered for about 8 years then just cba. Honestly we were doing it just to force the issue of what day it was. We then stopped because it just lost its meaning. We treat each other well all year round, buy gifts and show random acts of care for no reason.

Laufeythejust · 14/02/2022 09:55

We don’t really do valentines in that we don’t buy presents. We do a card and have something like steak for tea.

Trinacham · 14/02/2022 09:56

@mydogisthebest yep, you always get the ones who don't celebrate it and say it in such a way that their relationship is too good and they don't need to, to show their love. My parents were similar to yours (my dear dad now is passed) in their long and happy marriage- they celebrated it in a small way every year.

Change123today · 14/02/2022 09:59

We always do cards and I get a small bunch of Daffodils or tulips!
Christmas we always agree no gifts! Birthdays are small token gifts.
My husband has a hobby so he is usually saving up for something to do with that - so I just put in the savings fund for him. & I like going to the hairdresser once in a while for a decent haircut/colour so I spend a small fortune on that!

It works for us and saves the stress (or disappointment) we both forgot our first wedding anniversary! So we have chosen to only celebrate big milestone ones (we went away for our 10th & it’s our 20th next year so will plan something special for then) we’ve chosen not to spend money but put it towards other things - but it’s an agreed between us!
My sister is someone who likes a fuss so her husband always puts the effort in. Which is sweet but agreed between them. He knows if she said no not to worry he needs to ignore that and make sure a gift is brought :)
I think as long as both parties have properly agreed on expectations not just settling.

mydogisthebest · 14/02/2022 10:00

@Stressedout1009

We bothered for about 8 years then just cba. Honestly we were doing it just to force the issue of what day it was. We then stopped because it just lost its meaning. We treat each other well all year round, buy gifts and show random acts of care for no reason.

Yes we too treat each other well all year round, buy gifts and show random acts of care for no reason BUT we also always do something for Valentines.

JudgeJ · 14/02/2022 10:00

@MrsLargeEmbodied

it is so commercial i wouldnt say no to a bunch of flowers though

If you head down to Tesco tomorrow there'll be loads reduced, looking at the piles there were there yeasterday!

thewhatsit · 14/02/2022 10:01

@MistOverTheDowns

Are all these posters so chilled if Mothers' Day is ignored? Christmas is pretty commercial too, is that ignored as well?

It's a bit of fun and partaking doesn't exclude love on the other 364 days.

It just sounds grim and dour to declare it a commercial holiday, fold your arms and set your lips in a line. Still, I suppose if you know your partner will ignore it then it's best to decide and then declare it means nothing to you.

It's all about self protection innit?

Yes I don’t expect or want anything for Mother’s Day other than whatever DC have made at school.

Christmas - well it depends, sometimes DH and I will have discussed prior to Christmas what kind of things we’d like.

It’s not self preservation when neither of us see the point. Some people are less materialistic than others.

The main thing I always find with these threads is that it goes
OP: I am so sad that I didn’t get loads for a Valentine’s Day / Anniversary
Most posters: I am not bothered about Valentine’s Day / Anniversary. I know I am loved and I am in a happy relationship
OP: Hm well now you mention it, I’m in a really bad relationship..

It’s as if they don’t consider whether they are happy or not until others ask and also as if getting a card and supermarket flowers and a box of £5 chocolates would somehow make the difference if every other day is rubbish? Why?