“I didn’t think we were bothering this year”

[BBOA]

Arghhhhh! What a twat! Speaks volumes! Are men/partners/ wives / significant others that stupid?

DH has got me a card and small present… I haven’t got him anything as I thought we weren’t bothering . I did get our 3 children a heart shaped chocolate lolly each though .

Do you normally celebrate Valentines Day OP? If so I can see why you may be disappointed.

I'm not sure why there is so much hate for Valentines day? DH and I have been married a fair while and we still do cards (well, we get the same old ones out the drawer every year and exchange them ) and have a nice meal/wine at home. Main reason is that we both find February the most depressing month so like to take any opportunity to brighten it up.

If as a couple you don't want to acknowledge the day then that's fine, but you both need to be on the same page! Especially if not acknowledging it is a change from usual.

We aren’t too fussed, we are currently on holiday. Last week I said are we doing cards? We agreed that paying £60 on covid tests was romantic enough. We were meant to be going on a tour today (postponed anyway due to the weather) and a lady in the plane mentioned they’d avoided today as it will be too romantic….. I’m sure our two kids would really add to the sense of romance! However, I do ask for no flowers as they are so expensive, I’d rather have a lovely bunch tomorrow for half price.

It’s for teenagers. DH brought me tea in bed with a kiss(standard Sunday morning) but he today he added a ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!) to which I laughed. We’ve been married 24 years. It’s the other 364 days that count. I used to have neighbours that marked every occasion with flower deliveries and meal bookings. We’d only been married a few years and I admit that I occasion felt that perhaps we should be doing the same. But I found out he was a bit of an arse to her the rest of the time and later cheated on her. They are now divorced.

'I didn't think we were bothering this year' is longhand for 'I didn't bother this year' if you normally celebrate it.

We always celebrate it, and yes we show love on all other days of the year too - it's not either/or. We are both housebound with a bad bout of Covid but ordered small token presents online.

It's a grim time of year and having flowers and chocolates in mid-Feb is a bloody good idea imo. You don't have to go overboard with commercial nonsense. DH got me a lovely potted flowering plant and I got him some hand made chocolates from a friend of DS's.

I’m 32 weeks pregnant with twins, we are deep into a house renovation, and DH left the house early this morning to drive down south for work.
We do normally do something, but this year we haven’t done birthdays/Christmas either by prior arrangement. I’m too sore and fat, we’re spending all our money on the house/twins. DH turns 40 about ten days after the twins will probably arrive and we’re not celebrating until a month later. However we’ve talked about it, it would be a bit different if one of us had just decided we weren’t doing anything!

DH told me that, for the first time in over twenty years, he wasn't bothering to get roses this year because he read that they were from some far flung place and it's an ecological disaster, something-something, carbon footprint. I asked him he was telling me all this over his ethically produced, locally sourced coffee???

DH tried to play the ‘I didn’t know it was today’ game which was absolutely ridiculous because the DC were discussing it yesterday at dinner. I only bought him a funny political card anyway so I wasn’t arsed.

Great responses. I’m not interested in grand gestures either- just A gesture! Clearly my marriage needs some work…..They don’t make any effort throughout the year either!

We never bother. Yesterday I said 'don't even bother mentioning it, neither of us cares and we both think it is a commercialised crock of shit'. He sounded relieved.

We rarely bother. In fact until I saw your post I'd not even noticed it was Valantine's day

We never celebrate it. That's our joint decision however but it doesn't sound like you discussed it so that's a very different matter.

And, for people who do enjoy it, "bothering" is a very poor word choice to announce there will be nothing because it emphasises what a yearly burden and chore it has been rather than the opportunity to celebrate your relationship in a way that's meaningful to the other person.

@BBOA

Great responses. I’m not interested in grand gestures either- just A gesture! Clearly my marriage needs some work…..They don’t make any effort throughout the year either!

The last bit is the pertinent bit.

If DH said he didn't think we were bothering, he'd get a funny look and a comment. He'd run out after work and get me a card and chocolates because he wouldn't want me to be upset. But he's also lovely l year.

We have a competition each year - who can buy the worst, tackiest card you've ever seen. It feels like more thought has gone in, you've not picked a generic, meaningless card; you've actually hunted for worst thing you can find. Other than that we don't bother, might have a nice steak or something for dinner.

We've never bothered, luckily both of us think vday is commercial bollocks.

We agreed early on that neither of us wanted to acknowledge it.

We say this every year, but always get each other a card, DH thought he'd one up me this year because I'm stuck in isolation and still testing positive, but I got my card when they first came out in the shops, its just a day for buying tat and making shops money

I didn't think we were bothering this year, so just got each other a card...but then I had a beautiful bouquet of flowers arrive (from our local florist, so would have had to have ordered a few weeks ago to get a delivery slot).

OP it’s very trendy to be all woke and anti-valentines and “ohh it’s so commercial”/“my relationships so great it doesn’t need a prompt” etc.

But you’re allowed to feel however you want to feel. Personally, I have a great relationship with my husband and we “celebrate” our love all the time - however a national day of romance is an added bonus and we take advantage of it! If he woke up one morning and said “let’s forget it” I’d wonder why, and what had changed about us to make him suddenly dismissive. Wouldn’t feel good at all.

@BBOA

Great responses. I’m not interested in grand gestures either- just A gesture! Clearly my marriage needs some work…..They don’t make any effort throughout the year either!

How long have you been together?

We don't do cards or presents anymore. However, he is cooking me a nice meal tonight and we'll spend time together.

I might get flowers but won't be upset if I don't. We are spending a lot of money on something at the moment which we will get to enjoy in the Summer together.

@BoodleBug51

I upset DH by telling him that it's for single people and teenagers, not people who have been married for nearly 30 years. And it's a commercial racket that isn't remotely romantic...... just tacky.

So you upset him. And that's okay ????

@WheelieBinPrincess

We bothering in the sense that I bought some steak and DH will pick up wine and then we will watch a violent film, as is tradition. Cba with cards, flowers, thé like. It’s not really a hugely important day like a birthday or anniversary. But we discuss these things beforehand, like grown ups, so our expectations are on the same level.

A violent film, as tradition

Valentines is conteived shit. Id rather a thoughtful present at any other time of the year tbh. Not on a day where hes been told to buy a gift for me - it doesnt mean a great deal.

@BBOA

Great responses. I’m not interested in grand gestures either- just A gesture! Clearly my marriage needs some work…..They don’t make any effort throughout the year either!

Focus on what happens every day, not this one off nonsense day.

What had you actually agreed about Valentine’s Day?

OP it’s very trendy to be all woke and anti-valentines and “ohh it’s so commercial”/“my relationships so great it doesn’t need a prompt” etc.

Please dont dismiss this PoV as being 'woke'. Cringe word btw, very middle class MN.

I do actually believe this. Been like this since we got together - so 12 or so years now.