Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

[Stressedout65]

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

Sorry, thought I'd quoted @OnlyFoolsnMothers.

Of course not. Having children young means you have completed your family and leaves you with plenty of time to give to a career. It's easier with young children if you are younger and more energetic. You can travel and enjoy life just as much with kids only it has a different dimension. If you like children they give you joy of a different kind

toastfiend I personally hold a man to the same standard- there have been threads of here where husbands want to take significant pay drops to follow their dreams and I think its grossly irresponsible as a parent. However I do think there is a difference, maybe in part from society and in part via nature, that makes it harder for a woman to be away from her young children for long periods of the day.

It isn't too young, but would have been too young for me

I did and it felt right but seems young now, if you can id travel etc first

24 would be far too young for me, but each to her own.

@toastfiend

I actually find the view - which is extremely evident on this thread and common on this site - that women have to immediately give up on pursuing their careers, travelling and having any kind of life after their children depressingly old-fashioned and sexist. It's not been my experience and it's not been the experience of my friends, bar those who have made the active choice to stay home with their children.

I got pregnant whilst in a decent but pretty static job, I left and took a role that was a big step up when I came back from maternity leave and I've since taken another step up to a role with great progression opportunities. We still go on holiday, we still do nice things, I still go out with my friends. Yes, we have the luxury of a good household income, which is a massive factor in facilitating that, as it is in making life easier whatever stage you're at, but my life hasn't stopped and I haven't given up on pursuing my own ambitions just because I've had a baby. I think it's a shame that that view, and indeed expectation, of women is still so prevalent. No one tells men that if they have a baby early it's career suicide and they'll never achieve their goals or be able to enjoy life.

It's not that women have to give up their life. It's acknowledging that, given scarce resources, a child will take priority. For both parents, not just women. While you're busy travelling, pursuing your ambitions and doing all of that great stuff, someone has to look after your child.

If you don't have child then this is not a consideration. It's not complicated.

@sanbeiji there's no need to be patronising, I'm not an idiot. I've just never seen anyone giving men the same "advice" that women often are on here and, as stated, it's not been my lived experience. I just happen to disagree with your viewpoint. It's not complicated.

[quote toastfiend]@sanbeiji there's no need to be patronising, I'm not an idiot. I've just never seen anyone giving men the same "advice" that women often are on here and, as stated, it's not been my lived experience. I just happen to disagree with your viewpoint. It's not complicated.[/quote]
Have you never, really?
I'm in a male-dominated industry, and the same thing r.e. being busy with kids is implied towards men.
Not so much 'give up your career' (women on here have a thing about 'raising your own kids' instead of childcare, which I find strange) but there's a lot of comments on how expectant fathers will soon be busy, if they're still at work late people asking why they aren't home with the kids etc etc. Lots of men talking nostalgically about their past child free travel adventures.

Even if said men had a SAHM nobody talks about the glorious non child related things they did at the weekend, most stuff is done as a family. This is the same for both men and women.

[quote toastfiend]@sanbeiji there's no need to be patronising, I'm not an idiot. I've just never seen anyone giving men the same "advice" that women often are on here and, as stated, it's not been my lived experience. I just happen to disagree with your viewpoint. It's not complicated.[/quote]
I can assure you that I’ve given my 24 year old DS exactly the same advice as I’ve given my 22 year old DD. DS1 and his male friends are all very well aware of the impact that babies will have on their income, their job prospects, their ability to travel and so on. They recognise it’s as much their responsibility as their partners.

Exactly @SirChenjins

Again it's not about saying things are impossible. Nothing really is.
It's more of how having kids make certain things harder. Each person may have factors that mitigate the difficulties but ultimately children are a responsibility...

@SirChenjins that's great, I'm glad. We should all be bringing our children up to be decent people. I'll be raising my DS to understand he shares an equal load with his partner as well, as my MIL did with my DH.

Honestly, though, it's not a trend I see very often. I have seen men being patted on the back and applauded as a hard worker when they stay late in the office, no doubt because their wife is doing bath time. I've also seen it frowned upon when a woman does the same. I have seen men being told that now they're a certain level of seniority their wife should probably give up work and be at home to take over all childcare responsibilities, but I haven't seen women progressing in their careers told that their husbands should give up work so they don't need to worry about childcare. I have seen women crippled by 'Mum guilt' but I don't often see men experiencing Dad guilt. Outside of this thread, where people are trying to make a point, I don't often see people telling men that having a baby early will prevent them from progressing in their careers, I do see that advice spouted at women very often.

I feel like my point has been taken out of context somewhat - I'm not talking about men sharing an equal load of childcare responsibility. I am talking about the messaging to men and women around having children being very weighted towards women staying home and being the caregiver and men going out to continue progressing in their careers and I just don't think that's representative of today's society necessarily. I also think it's extremely sexist.

The narrative that babies are career suicide is extremely unhelpful and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as it often contributes to a wider picture of degrading confidence and "Mum guilt" if women do choose to continue with their careers. Aside from all that, it's absolutely not been my experience and I think it's important to say that. When I was pregnant there were people absolutely falling over themselves to tell me how hard it was, how I'd have no life outside my DS, how I'd never earn decent money again etc. None of those people said anything of the kind to my DH and I'm delighted to have proven them wrong. Now I'm keen to provide a counterbalance to the endless doom and gloom, based on my own experience.

Your brain is basically full developed at 24 lol so no she’s perfectly fine