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Original poster

Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

338 replies

Stressedout65 · 12/02/2022 21:32

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

OP posts:
WeeBenny · 13/02/2022 19:38

No definitely not. I had my son at 23 bought my house at 21. I'm 37 now and my career is just starting by the time I'm 40 he'll be almost grown up and I can go anywhere and do anything I like then

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/02/2022 19:39

I'm similar - don't earn a fortune but my career blossomed after I had my kids. By thirty I was done with pregnancies and maternity leaves and just moved up and up in my job

Rosebel · 13/02/2022 19:44

I had my first at 25 and didn't feel too young. My husband was only 23 at the time.
I'm 41 now and don't regret it at all. Having said that we were in a very new relationship when I got pregnant and it would have been nice to have fun for a bit longer but that's nothing to do with age.
I didn't want a high flying career and am happy with having children in my 20s (and 40s).

Kitkat151 · 13/02/2022 19:45

[quote sanbeiji]@Kitkat151 again, where did I say that? Hmm the lack of reading comprehension on here’s appalling for a Sunday night.

24 is a prime age for career building, requiring lots of effort. You’re learning new things, might even make a couple of bold, risky career choices. Choices you wouldn’t make if you had little mouths to feed.
Seniority bring stability , and more autonomy over work. Including hours.

Ofc this is just my opinion. I’m sure people will be along to tell me that plenty retrain, make risky moves/get made redundant when they had little kids and it worked out great. Fair play to them, but it probably wasn’t an ‘ideal’ situation unless they had independent wealth/high earning DP.[/quote]
That might be true for you...,but many many others just have ‘jobs’ ....they work in retail, in Hospitality, in care......they don’t have careers and never will..... You probably think the lack of reading comprehension is because we are all ‘thickos’ with no ‘careers’ ..... like I said.....very very judgy🙄

LuluPDB · 13/02/2022 19:47

No I don’t think so but it depends on the person!
I got married to my husband at 20, after 4 years together and 2 living with each other. Brought our house at 21 and had our first baby at 23.

I’m now almost 25 and have a good career that works well with family life.

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 19:56

@Kitkat151 I know plenty of lovely, intelligent (in multiple ways!) people without careers. Please don't lump your angry, insecure self in with them, and get some therapy if you have other issues in your life.

collosalbrainbearer · 13/02/2022 20:14

[quote sanbeiji]@Kitkat151 I know plenty of lovely, intelligent (in multiple ways!) people without careers. Please don't lump your angry, insecure self in with them, and get some therapy if you have other issues in your life.[/quote]

Why are you here insulting people? Why do you care when other people have kids - could it be your unhappy with your own situation?

jadey1991 · 13/02/2022 20:23

I wouldn't say it is too young. But I would suggest you travel or do something you really want before you settle down.. I had my second baby by 25... although I was happy and overjoyed I do wish I did something and had more savings behind me. Baby's don't come cheap...
I'm now in my mid 30's and just had a baby 2 months ago...

Im a styled now and have money but do think about it more before you settle down... good luck with whatever you do x

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 21:22

@collosalbrainbearer did you change names just to keep commenting?
That’s what the thread’s about.
Not gonna feed the trolls any longer , go awayv

collosalbrainbearer · 13/02/2022 21:29

[quote sanbeiji]@collosalbrainbearer did you change names just to keep commenting?
That’s what the thread’s about.
Not gonna feed the trolls any longer , go awayv[/quote]
New user just for you :-)

FredBair · 13/02/2022 21:30

I met DH when I was 18 but we didn't have children until I was 36, by choice. By then we were financially secure and I could take a career break.
Still together after 44 years.
I just look at my DC in their 20s and think they would be so much better off waiting a few more years. One is keen to have a big family the other thinks probably not. Of course it matters what their partner's think as well, none of them are really established in careers yet.

LuckySantangelo35 · 13/02/2022 22:57

@BooksAndHooks you “ don’t get the obsession with travel”? I think it’s just a case of people wanting to explore the world, venture beyond the vicinity they grew up, explore different cultures and ways of life, broaden their horizons. I ‘don’t get’ how anyone could not want any of that…

PugInTheHouse · 13/02/2022 23:39

I love experiencing the culture of different countries when I go on holiday but to 'travel' is definitely not something I have ever wanted to do. If you travel in late teens/early 20s then moat people are backpacking, using hostels etc unless they are really wealthy. That does not appeal to me in anyway whatsoever. I love 2-3 weeks somewhere but that's enough.

I understand why people may want to travel but I find it odd that you wouldn't understand why someone may not want to.

Isahlo · 14/02/2022 00:00

No, because I did it. But yes because I could’ve been better or more settled. But as it stands I’m in my ideal line of work, I own a house with my best friend, I’ve got a dog, and a gorgeous little toddler so it’s grand.

BooksAndHooks · 14/02/2022 00:08

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@BooksAndHooks you “ don’t get the obsession with travel”? I think it’s just a case of people wanting to explore the world, venture beyond the vicinity they grew up, explore different cultures and ways of life, broaden their horizons. I ‘don’t get’ how anyone could not want any of that…[/quote]
What I meant was it’s not for everyone and it’s always used as one of the reasons you shouldn’t settle down young. Not everyone prioritises travelling. We didn’t miss out on travelling as it’s not something we would have done if we didn’t have kids. Obviously if travel is important to you then that’s different. It’s odd that’s it’s always trotted out as a reason.

Anthurium · 14/02/2022 03:13

I wish I'd had a child in my 20s instead of at 39 (IVF via a sperm donor) due to numerous failed relationships took their toll and I'd decided to do it alone.

I think if I'd had children in my 20s it would have grounded me, but instead I've spent years feeling lost/wasted time in poor relationships/and struggled to get into a decent job/career. I don't see "travelling" as mind opening, even though I've done a lot of it, I had nothing better to be doing probably. I certainly didn't need to spend that much time on "travelling".

I'm now older, though in good health, however I'm out of synch with my peers who'd had children younger, my own mother is older and can't help with childcare and it looks like I'll only be having one due to my age and circumstances. I'm lucky that IVF worked first time though and wouldn't be without my son now.

Averydifferentwoman · 14/02/2022 04:08

I’ve never travelled, simply because it’s never been something I could afford to do. I left university, started work and that was that really.

There are exotic holidays to far flung places that I know people have been on before children which is a good idea if it’s something you want to do, but the idea that you can’t do that before 24 is odd. One of my friends was 23 when she started her family and has travelled more than me - they’ve been to California a few times. I was supposed to go on safari but the pandemic happened and then I got pregnant. If I was 24 I might have delayed by a few months but that’s all you need, really. A lot of these things are once in a lifetime things.

Incidentally I’m hoping to do the safari as a 50th present - DS will be ten and will come with us. If you have a baby at 24 and finish your family at say 28, at my age you have a 17 year old and a 13 year old and can do the exotic stuff should you want to. Me, I’m at Center Parcs and Legoland. And I’m loving every second Smile

Musttryharder2021 · 14/02/2022 04:19

@MsAgnesDiPesto

I am at 27yrs happily married to father of all my children. Perhaps some of us were luckier than you, and found a good man sooner in life?

Wow, no need to be rude - I was asking a genuine question. All my men were ‘good’ - just not right in the long term, or as young fathers at 24ish. I enjoyed all my relationships in my earlier twenties, though. I’m just interested I how much people change after that age, and whether as you grow it’s more common to grow apart or together. Maybe being tied together by children makes you more inclined to stay even if the relationship changes.

My DH and I have been together for over 20 years and been through a painful journey of infertility, caused by something which means I would never have been able to have children, but we didn’t know that till later. He would have been the right man to have children with at the right stage in both our lives, though.

@MsAgnesDiPiesto

I met my ex husband at 30 and divorced aged 36. Looking back on previous relationships, the man I married was by far the worst choice in partners I've ever had. Luckily, we didn't have children and had a clean break.

Fortunately, fertility treatment worked for me and I became a single mother by choice aged 39 though. Really didn't plan to have children this late in life.

Anthurium · 14/02/2022 04:45

@Averydifferentwoman

You change between 30 and 40, too. I also imagine I’ll change between 40 and 50. I don’t really see that as a reason not to have a child.
@Averydifferentwoman

This^

Skeam · 14/02/2022 05:47

For me, it suggests few aspirations and low horizons.

Momijin · 14/02/2022 05:49

It depends on what you want to do in life. It isn't too young but if you want to do certain things, it is harder with kids.

Averydifferentwoman · 14/02/2022 06:55

@Skeam

For me, it suggests few aspirations and low horizons.
That was the sort of stupid thing I used to think.

I now realise and understand so much more than I used to.

Some people will work hard all the way through school, university, earnestly build a career and hate every second.

Some people will have all sorts of reasons why they didn’t. Some may go after children. Some may never go. Having aspirations that aren’t based around education and travel aren’t low aspirations. Actually, my friend who had the baby at 23 emigrated!

I also know that unlike what was drummed into me at school, a baby doesn’t ruin your life if you have one young. It undoubtedly changes your life, but there are so much worse things that can happen to your daughter than her getting pregnant.

I did what highly educated women are supposed to do. Go me. I still love my baby, just like those 24 year olds do, with their low aspirations.

OutlookStalking · 14/02/2022 06:57

Most people in my area will have kids by 24. Lots by 22. I was initially surprised (uni, child at 30 route) but theres a logely sense of communtiy, lots of people have very hands on grandparents and local support and get to play with their own grandkids. One friend had one at 20, but left school at 18 and did a "world tour" travelling so got that out her system too. At 30 can sort her own career out.

Now so many people like me who are ex professional/sahm for a few years/struggling to get back into work in our 40s and doing part time little jobs.... Im beginning to think their way has merit!

CrimbleCrumble1 · 14/02/2022 08:03

I have taken my DC on almost 50 foreign holidays plus many UK ones. We’ve travelled to five continents together. I’m now early 50’s, DC grown up into happy, healthy, successful young adults, mortgage paid off, retired and my DH and I can do as we want. We can travel the world in five star luxury or stay in a tree hit somewhere.

PickledOnionSandwich · 14/02/2022 08:03

Yes it is. I was 19 when I had DS and whilst I love him to bits I do look back on my twenties with an element of sadness at what I missed out on. All my mates were so carefree and going out at the drop of a hat whilst I was stuck at home with a baby and so many responsibilities. I’d say wait a minimum of another 5-7 years and enjoy your youth. Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.