Page 12 | Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

Stressedout65 · 2022-02-12T21:32:10+00:00

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

Averydifferentwoman · 14/02/2022 08:09

That’s largely to do with being out of sync with your friends, @PickledOnionSandwich

I had the same in my 30s when my friends had children. It’s the being the odd one out.

If your friends had all had children, you’d have been fine.

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 09:06

@LuckySantangelo35 not everyone who ‘travels’ broadens their horizons. In fact some of the most close minded people I’ve met are avid travellers.

It just seems to the the ‘in’-thing these days. For people to show off on social media.

moocow123456 · 14/02/2022 09:14

I think it is different for everyone but I was basically a child at 24 (I'm aware not many people are, but I was still going out drinking every weekend, had no idea how to put a washing machine on/dishwasher etc).

I think if you both have jobs, somewhere to live and you have some cash leftover at the end of each month then I would say it's probably not too young.

I had my first at 27 after I had grown up a bit more and for me that was the perfect age.

EBathory · 14/02/2022 09:20

Good god how long is childhood going to last?, too young for a family at 24 ffs it's only another couple of years before her fertility drops 24 is peak age for kiddo 3 or 4!

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 09:23

@OutlookStalking

Most people in my area will have kids by 24. Lots by 22. I was initially surprised (uni, child at 30 route) but theres a logely sense of communtiy, lots of people have very hands on grandparents and local support and get to play with their own grandkids. One friend had one at 20, but left school at 18 and did a "world tour" travelling so got that out her system too. At 30 can sort her own career out.

Now so many people like me who are ex professional/sahm for a few years/struggling to get back into work in our 40s and doing part time little jobs.... Im beginning to think their way has merit!

Ah, parental support… the golden ticket. People moan about not being able to buy houses, and ‘generational wealth’ but there’s a lot to be said for free childcare.

The people in the OP are obviously privileged, and can get by with this safety net. Obviously different if you’re 24, on your own with your DP. Again people managing to buy houses at 21 these days must have had some form of parental backing, or live somewhere very very cheap (which again is likely to be their hometown).

The world is more fluid now, open to people starting careers later etc, which is a good thing.
But it’s also harder to make your way up from nothing, although there are generous benefits for children.

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/02/2022 09:23

@sanbeiji I suppose I can only speak from my own experience. Travel has certainly broadened my mind and horizons. I’ve been able to have travel experiences in my late twenties/early thirties which I could never have had if I’d a child at the age of 24

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 09:33

Also to add..anecdotally speaking, thread after thread on MN with people moaning about not being able to buy a house, or save, etc after having DC. Heck even people in ‘professional’ jobs having difficulty.

It was very different 15+ years ago…

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/02/2022 09:38

@EBathory

Good god how long is childhood going to last?, too young for a family at 24 ffs it's only another couple of years before her fertility drops 24 is peak age for kiddo 3 or 4!

@EBathory I don’t think it’s about trying to preserve childhood…more like making the most of being a young adult with no ties, where all your energy can be invested in yourself, complete freedom, opportunity to spread your wings, be impulsive, make mistakes, experiment, etc etc. Not saying it’s impossible to do some of these things with kids but it makes things a whole lot harder. Why sacrifice when you can have kids later on? My whole life isn’t defined and dictated to by my fertility…I wasn’t just born to reproduce

CrimbleCrumble1 · 14/02/2022 10:15

sanbeiji even more difficult if they’ve spent their 20’s traveling.

Hopingdb2 · 14/02/2022 10:52

Depends on your current situation I was married at 25 i had my first baby very young at 20 (unplanned). Im 30 now and have a 4 month old baby. Dont regret anything I did loads of lovely things after I had my daughter we've been on loads of holidays with her so don't feel like I've missed out at all

spittycup · 14/02/2022 10:55

Ah, parental support… the golden ticket. People moan about not being able to buy houses, and ‘generational wealth’ but there’s a lot to be said for free childcare

In other cultures it's the norm, and grandparents don't mind. Or parents may also use childcare. I don't get why this is always a stick to beat people with. Over here, your kids should move out and get a job the second they turn 18, if they live at home they must pay rent. Not everyone is brought up that way.

I think the type of people who think it's the norm to go travelling are much more spoilt than those who just ask parents to help out a few days a week.

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 11:33

@spittycup

Ah, parental support… the golden ticket. People moan about not being able to buy houses, and ‘generational wealth’ but there’s a lot to be said for free childcare

In other cultures it's the norm, and grandparents don't mind. Or parents may also use childcare. I don't get why this is always a stick to beat people with. Over here, your kids should move out and get a job the second they turn 18, if they live at home they must pay rent. Not everyone is brought up that way.

I think the type of people who think it's the norm to go travelling are much more spoilt than those who just ask parents to help out a few days a week.

It’s not a stick to beat people with. I myself was looked after by my grandmother enabling mum to continue her career uninterrupted.

It’s more of acknowledging privilege. Kirsty Allsop was rightly bashed for claiming that less Netflix = house. But nobody really acknowledges how much living at home is a privilege. Maybe because it’s the preserve of more ‘ordinary’ folk.

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 11:35

Also not a question of grandparents minding, but living close by, and them being in good enough health.

I’m also from a culture where grandparents take care of grandkids. Sounds great on paper, but like any other family thing only if you have decent family. A lot of it comes with strings attached, not good for either side.

OutlookStalking · 14/02/2022 11:38

I wasnt even thinking of childcare as auch but (gran)parental involvement - popping in for tea, seeing kids regularly during the week, there for school plays/sports day etc. Very much the norm in this area! People dont have grand houses but I think close family is priceless.

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/02/2022 11:43

@spittycup

Ah, parental support… the golden ticket. People moan about not being able to buy houses, and ‘generational wealth’ but there’s a lot to be said for free childcare

In other cultures it's the norm, and grandparents don't mind. Or parents may also use childcare. I don't get why this is always a stick to beat people with. Over here, your kids should move out and get a job the second they turn 18, if they live at home they must pay rent. Not everyone is brought up that way.

I think the type of people who think it's the norm to go travelling are much more spoilt than those who just ask parents to help out a few days a week.

@spittycup Why is going travelling more spoilt than getting parents to undertake child care responsibilities for you? When I have travelled i did not have financial assistance from anyone, it did not involve any one else having to give up their time or make a contribution in any way. So I really don’t get what you mean

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 11:50

@OutlookStalking

I wasnt even thinking of childcare as auch but (gran)parental involvement - popping in for tea, seeing kids regularly during the week, there for school plays/sports day etc. Very much the norm in this area! People dont have grand houses but I think close family is priceless.

I agree. And not just grandparents..but a community. One of DP’s cousins (20 something) got cancer and the household came down with covid. So he stayed at DP’s semi-retired parents, who also supported with hospital appointments etc while the mum worked.

A lot of people leaving London etc also move closer to family.

Again not all families are healthy, and while I benefited from living with my grandparents there were also complicated family dynamics that weren’t great. But having trustworthy people around you is worth loads.

It used to be the default back in the day…even if not your family you’d have childhood friends etc. Now people move away for work, start all over again… of course you can make close friends as an adult but I find it harder.

Anyway I digress, not point of thread. Sorry OP

Piglet89 · 14/02/2022 11:50

There’s a sweet spot here. I had my only child at 38 and I am bloody knackered the whole time!!! I reckon if I had him earlier, it wouldn't take such a physical toll…

spittycup · 14/02/2022 11:53

@LuckyAmy1986

I don't think travelling is spoilt, good for you if you can. Lots of people can't, children or not.

But I hate the idea that anyone who has any help with anything in life is a leech. Turn down your inheritance in that case.

Grandparents doing childcare is normal. I can't get my in laws to leave so clearly they don't mind that much.

Most people who start having kids in their 40s don't have parental support because their parents are elderly (70-80) and not up for it. If you have a child at 24, your parents are in their 50s or 60s.

spittycup · 14/02/2022 11:57

Unfortunately, we can't have it all. There are disadvantages to being an older parent, and one of those is your parents might not be around, willing or able to help out. It's a risk, same as having kids young, you risk financial stability.

But all that extra disposable income from having my kids later should help with paying for childcare, so less of a problem.

Member984815 · 14/02/2022 12:01

I was married with 2 at that age , but if my daughter asked me this I'd say yes too young get out educate yourself , travel travel travel. Have lots of fun

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/02/2022 12:04

@spittycup yeah it’s hard isn’t. I could have had a baby at 21 and there would have been no way that my parents would have been able to make a significant contribution to childcare, not to the degree that I wouldn’t have had to use a nursery/childcare to work. They both worked full time back then, had younger siblings to support etc

TheOriginalEmu · 14/02/2022 12:07

It’s relative isn’t it, I had 2 kids at 24. I didn’t feel young at the time and i have no regrets as had I waited I’d never have been able to have biological children as I had a total hysterectomy at 25. I know have 4. It was right for me.

x2boys · 14/02/2022 12:14

I don't understand these threads ,24 is an adult ,what's right for some people isnt for others and a lot depends on relationship,s and meeting someone you want to have a family with ,so at 24 I was very much single I had just qualified as a nurse ,had my own money and independence, I was single throughout my 20,s and not always through choice , personally I would have been happy to have children in my late 20,s but I had no partner so it wasn't a choice ,I met my DH at 31 and we quickly married and I had my boys at 33 and 36 but everybody is different.

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 12:15

[quote spittycup]@LuckyAmy1986

I don't think travelling is spoilt, good for you if you can. Lots of people can't, children or not.

But I hate the idea that anyone who has any help with anything in life is a leech. Turn down your inheritance in that case.

Grandparents doing childcare is normal. I can't get my in laws to leave so clearly they don't mind that much.

Most people who start having kids in their 40s don't have parental support because their parents are elderly (70-80) and not up for it. If you have a child at 24, your parents are in their 50s or 60s. [/quote]
In an ideal world nobody would be comparing anything. If you’re born as Paris Hilton, fair play. If you’re born as the child of not-so-well off parents, left school at 16 you’d still be able to make something of yourself. Also fair play.

But it’s harder to do the latter now. Which is why everyone keeps snipping at each other regarding any forms of ‘privilege’. Any misstep leaves you further and further behind

It also relates to things being on the national agenda. If grandparent childcare was the social norm there’d be no need for proper state funded like in other European countries, or flexible/part-time work etc being so important.

It’s not just a question of ‘it works for us’. Not an accusation or anything but more of an observation

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/02/2022 12:22

I was 24 when mine was born. Wasn't part of the plan at all but these things happen. At the time I felt a bit like life was over but now she's 14 and I'm 38 and I look at all my similarly aged friends with their toddlers and think "You poor bastards"

It's much easier to deal with the sleepless nights, and energetic toddler when you're an energetic 20-something year old yourself, and it's nice to know that my child rearing days are over. We can got to the pub of an evening without having to worry about baby-sitters etc.

One thing you will find if you have kids young is that you'll be out of sync with your friends. They'll be out having fun while you can't, and then vice versa later on. It does cause strain on friendships.

I don't think either option is better, they're just different, and as long as you do what's right for you then you'll be fine