Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

[Stressedout65]

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

I was married at 18 and had first baby at 22. Went to university when both DC were at school. Had a good career and was young enough to do a lot of travel when they were grown up and we were still young and fit. Now i’, a relatively young and fit grandmother able to take GC out for the day.

Not for me. I had my first at 22 and expecting my second at 25 (will be 26 when they're born). I did make sure to finish my degree ect before settling, though.

Not every young person wants or likes to travel and live a wild lifestyle. I've never had any desire to travel the world.

I agree with the posts being made about grandparents. It's not necessarily about childcare although some do this willingly. Seeing the growing relationship between by dc and my parents has been one of the most unexpectedly wonderful things about parenthood for me and the benefits to both my dc and my parents have been huge. I remember my dad taking my son swimming when he was a baby and he said it "it makes me feel so young"- he was late 50s at the time. It was joyful. This isn't generally possible if you have dcs later on in life.

@LeedleLee

Not for me. I had my first at 22 and expecting my second at 25 (will be 26 when they're born). I did make sure to finish my degree ect before settling, though.

Not every young person wants or likes to travel and live a wild lifestyle. I've never had any desire to travel the world.

It’s a good point. Some of us are happy to settle down early and some of us are a bit wild in our twenties. Some people aren’t bothered about venturing out of the UK, some of us who find travel enriches our lives would find that incredibly stifling. We’re all different 🤷‍♀️

I also think having dc in my 20s meant I had enough energy to look after them and continue to work ft and I made great progress in my career. Whereas at
work, I see women get to mid late 30s and go PT because they've given everything to their career for the last 15 years and can't see how they can do both. I had only been working in my graduate job for 3 years or so before I got pg so I've not really known it any other way. Most of my working life had been as a mother whereas I think if you work for 15/20 years first, you find it harder to see how you can take it all on. Ime anyway x

@moocow123456

I think it is different for everyone but I was basically a child at 24 (I'm aware not many people are, but I was still going out drinking every weekend, had no idea how to put a washing machine on/dishwasher etc).

I had my first at 27 after I had grown up a bit more and for me that was the perfect age.

LOL-ing at the idea that being 27 is sooooooo much older and 'more mature' than 24!

@ontana

I agree with the posts being made about grandparents. It's not necessarily about childcare although some do this willingly. Seeing the growing relationship between by dc and my parents has been one of the most unexpectedly wonderful things about parenthood for me and the benefits to both my dc and my parents have been huge. I remember my dad taking my son swimming when he was a baby and he said it "it makes me feel so young"- he was late 50s at the time. It was joyful. This isn't generally possible if you have dcs later on in life.

It is - if you have your children later in life as they keep you young. We’re in our fifties, still working full time and once our youngest has left home we’re looking forward to doing all sorts of things together - for us, grandchildren (and childcare!) are hopefully are in the future.

Again, it’s all horses for courses though. What suits one person doesn’t suit another

No of course not. 20-25 is the perfect age in an ideal world I think.

@SirChenjins exactly!
I wonder though. How many people have the option?
Maybe it depends on your circles but I know very, very few people with a long-term partner, or their lives together at 24.
People 'all around the OP' are getting married and popping out babies at that age.

The OP already knows this. I interpreted the thread as asking posters.. what their 'gut reaction' would be (as a 16 year old mother would obviously be too young!). Mine would be '24 is too young', but again just my opinion obviously people can do what they like

[quote sanbeiji]@SirChenjins exactly!
I wonder though. How many people have the option?
Maybe it depends on your circles but I know very, very few people with a long-term partner, or their lives together at 24.
People 'all around the OP' are getting married and popping out babies at that age.

The OP already knows this. I interpreted the thread as asking posters.. what their 'gut reaction' would be (as a 16 year old mother would obviously be too young!). Mine would be '24 is too young', but again just my opinion obviously people can do what they like [/quote]

Popping out babies is very sexist. Is there a word for their partners and husbands who impregnate them? Such language for an adult having a child- and even a teenager doesn't deserve such disparaging words.

It does hugely depend on area and social circle though.

In my new area lots of people are what I think of as young mums but those 20-24 wouldn't think of themselves as young just normal, and that 16 was "young."

Similarly if you have a baby at 24 you gravitate to groups and friends of others who are similar and soon your circle is full of other mums!

Each to their own. I did at 25 but know plenty of folk that saw the world and left it much later.

I would say it was too young but that's based on me and my social circle.
At 24 most of us were renting flats with friends and blowing our wages on holidays and nights out. In fact I don't know any couples who were in established relationships at that age and are still together. Most of us just met partners around then

Popping out babies is very sexist. Is there a word for their partners and husbands who impregnate them? Such language for an adult having a child- and even a teenager doesn't deserve such disparaging words

That poster very clearly said ‘people…getting married and popping out babies’ - as in both sexes jointly responsible for popping them out after they get married.

@sanbeiji - that’s the way I took this thread too. It all depends on the stage you’re at in your life, what direction you took after school, your financial situation, the stage you’re at in your relationship and so on and on. There’s not a right or a wrong way - it’s really down to what’s the norm for you and your peers.

I was pregnant with my DD at 23 and got married at 26, I don't regret a single thing. I love my DH and my DC. If it is what you want then do it, don't listen to other people.

'popping out babies is very sexist?'

FFS! Some people just look for things to be offended by!

@BearOfEasttown

'popping out babies is very sexist?'

FFS! Some people just look for things to be offended by!

It's sexist @BearOfEasttown

Since when do men give birth? And it's none of anyone's business to be fair. Even if you don't believe in sexism it's still unnecessarily rude.

Of course, you'd never say it to anyone in real life. Wonder why.

I had my DD at 26. It hasn't stopped me progressing in my career at all, nor travelling the world! We've had a fantastic international lifestyle altogether and I'm glad they could experience it with us! Everyone is different 24 is hardly a teenager

I actually find the view - which is extremely evident on this thread and common on this site - that women have to immediately give up on pursuing their careers, travelling and having any kind of life after their children depressingly old-fashioned and sexist. It's not been my experience and it's not been the experience of my friends, bar those who have made the active choice to stay home with their children.

I got pregnant whilst in a decent but pretty static job, I left and took a role that was a big step up when I came back from maternity leave and I've since taken another step up to a role with great progression opportunities. We still go on holiday, we still do nice things, I still go out with my friends. Yes, we have the luxury of a good household income, which is a massive factor in facilitating that, as it is in making life easier whatever stage you're at, but my life hasn't stopped and I haven't given up on pursuing my own ambitions just because I've had a baby. I think it's a shame that that view, and indeed expectation, of women is still so prevalent. No one tells men that if they have a baby early it's career suicide and they'll never achieve their goals or be able to enjoy life.

Not at all - no-one has said that on here. What they have said is that travelling and getting yourself established in a career (not necessarily to a high level, just into a job that you want) is far easier for men and women to do before they have babies.

Just had my first baby at 37 and so pleased it worked out this way for me after being sure I'd be a young mum.

Overall I'd say it's less to do with age and more to do with stability, what can a person offer a baby rather than why someone wants one.

@toastfiend

I actually find the view - which is extremely evident on this thread and common on this site - that women have to immediately give up on pursuing their careers, travelling and having any kind of life after their children depressingly old-fashioned and sexist. It's not been my experience and it's not been the experience of my friends, bar those who have made the active choice to stay home with their children.

I got pregnant whilst in a decent but pretty static job, I left and took a role that was a big step up when I came back from maternity leave and I've since taken another step up to a role with great progression opportunities. We still go on holiday, we still do nice things, I still go out with my friends. Yes, we have the luxury of a good household income, which is a massive factor in facilitating that, as it is in making life easier whatever stage you're at, but my life hasn't stopped and I haven't given up on pursuing my own ambitions just because I've had a baby. I think it's a shame that that view, and indeed expectation, of women is still so prevalent. No one tells men that if they have a baby early it's career suicide and they'll never achieve their goals or be able to enjoy life.

It’s reality- If I want to retrain and switch jobs that’s an income drop which I can’t do without considering the impact on the family- if I want to take a new job in my industry it would likely mean giving up my flexible working and working more hours away from my children, if I want to a take a job that requires travel then I can’t and wouldn’t want to when considering the bigger picture. Of course once you have to consider others, let alone children who you love above all else- options are reduced! I think it’s irresponsible to pretend to women careers and career progression is the same as before. Obviously if you have reached a good point in your career and are highly sought after then it’s easier- but that generally doesn’t coincide with being 24.

@BearOfEasttown unfortunately I think there is quite a big difference, and I had mine at 24 and 27! Those three years can be absolutely crucial in terms of settling down and putting down roots a bit more which, for me, made parenting much easier.

What I would say to those currently doing it is that it's only with the benefit of hindsight that I realise how much harder I've made my life by having kids younger. Now my eldest is at school I see other parents with sensible family homes they've worked up to and done up before the kids arrive and the extra disposable income means they have choices like cutting down hours if they want to or getting a cleaner, or private education later on. If I'd waited that would have been me too.

I'm having to absolutely bust a gut to get the same standard of living and still failing at some bits simply because I made my life harder by having kids a few years earlier but I certainly didn't know that when I was in my mid twenties with a decent bloke, well paid graduate job, and my own home.

@toastfiend I think you can do all that (and I have too), it's just a hell of a lot harder if you don't lay out the building blocks first which unfortunately takes time.

I was 25 when I fell pregnant, I wasn't hugely sought after particularly and I didn't have a glittering career behind me. I had a good degree but due to to DH's job moving us around the country every year I had done a series of short-term, poorly paid, basic admin roles before falling into my 'decent but no progression' job when we finally settled somewhere. I had been doing this job for 2 years when I had my DS. My career post maternity leave is unrecognisable - in a good way - to my career prior. I have had two jobs with great flexibility, which has been hugely important, but I don't think it's as rare as you seem to believe it is. I also think, post-Covid, more employers are beginning to realise that they need to offer a degree of flexibility to their employees. Perhaps it's an industry thing, I don't know, but I don't see what you describe in mine or my friends' experiences and I do think it's a shame that that's the idea women, and it is only ever women, are sold. Sure, it's hard, my DH is still away a huge amount so a lot of the time I'm working and shouldering the majority of the parenting responsibilities, but it's not impossible.

Out of interest, would you say all this to a man with a child or is this just the expectation for women?