Page 10 | Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

Stressedout65 · 2022-02-12T21:32:10+00:00

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

Seb342 · 13/02/2022 17:15

@MsAgnesDiPesto

I’d be interested to know how many of you who had children at 24 are still happily in relationships with their fathers? All the men I chose to be with at that age would have been awful fathers at that point in our lives, and I can’t imagine still being with any of them now, 25 years later.

Probably would have been but he died when my Ds was a baby so who knows. Don't judge everyone on your poor life choices.

BooksAndHooks · 13/02/2022 17:15

No I had my eldest at 23 having been married for two years at that point.

I don’t get the obsession with travel. It’s not something that interested us pre or post children. When my youngest is 18 we will be mid 40s have more money and stability than when were 24 and be able to do whatever we want then.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/02/2022 17:21

Surely the right time to have a baby is a combination of wanting one, biologically able, and being able to provide for one?

BellatrixOnABadDay · 13/02/2022 17:22

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Surely the right time to have a baby is a combination of wanting one, biologically able, and being able to provide for one?

Well put. It's not really any more complicated than that, is it? 😁

mamatoTails · 13/02/2022 17:23

We bought our first house at 21, whilst I was pregnant with our first baby.
14 years later we have a successful business that survived moving countries, and 4 further children, and a lovely home and lifestyle.
I could not imagine being the age I am now and only just be starting our whole parenting journey!

ThAtSnOtMynAm · 13/02/2022 17:23

Not for me, had my first at 25. Perfect age for me. Had many years partying and plenty of holidays. Brought a house and had been with hubby for 6 years at that point. But everyone is different

SirChenjins · 13/02/2022 17:27

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Surely the right time to have a baby is a combination of wanting one, biologically able, and being able to provide for one?

And for me, being in a stable, healthy, loving relationship.

BellatrixOnABadDay · 13/02/2022 17:31

And for me, being in a stable, healthy, loving relationship.

Are 24 yr olds not able to find one of those then? 😁

MsAgnesDiPesto · 13/02/2022 17:36

Okay, so I see it’s not actually possible to ask a question about which I’m curious, and at the same time reflect on my own experience which differs from that I’m curious about.

I made the right choices for me at the right times in my life, and i assume everyone else did the same. Being curious about other sorts of lives isn’t rude or judgmental. I made no judgment about anyone else’s choices in any of my posts, only reflected on my own.

The art of discussion clearly doesn’t live here.

Saskatcha · 13/02/2022 17:41

We were 25 when we had DD. She’s 15 now and some of it was tough at the beginning but we had a lot of energy. We had bought a very small house and continued in our careers though lost a lot to childcare.

My sister had her DS at 36. She has found different things tough and struggled a bit with the change in lifestyle.

We had a lot less money than some of my other mum friends when DD was younger but now they are facing retirement and we have longer to plan to help DD with house deposits etc. We will never live in a large family home because we kind of missed that stage as we couldn’t afford it when we wanted it and our small one fits us again so we are saving for her instead.

We are having to think about what our life will look like between 43 when she turns 18 and retirement. I think that’s one thing when you are younger is you don’t enter your 60s and think about retiring as your youngest child leaves education. We have courses we want to take, we might move from suburbia to a city centre condo and we will help look after our parents who are now getting older.

Whenever you have children there are challenges. Conversely I think my career benefited from having her young in a funny way. I couldn’t afford to stop work so kept going even though I only made a tiny amount after childcare. I’m now in a senior leadership role at a school and work with a lot of mums who had careers, stayed at home for several years between 35 and 45 and are now teaching assistants. They are great and bring loads to the school but the reality is that they are not further on in their career than me at 40 and I have been consistently paying into my pension. Each circumstance is different though so I may be the exception to the rule - I only know one other person who had been to uni and had a child a couple of years later so not many people to directly compare myself to.

Kitkat151 · 13/02/2022 17:42

@MsAgnesDiPesto

Okay, so I see it’s not actually possible to ask a question about which I’m curious, and at the same time reflect on my own experience which differs from that I’m curious about.

I made the right choices for me at the right times in my life, and i assume everyone else did the same. Being curious about other sorts of lives isn’t rude or judgmental. I made no judgment about anyone else’s choices in any of my posts, only reflected on my own.

The art of discussion clearly doesn’t live here.

I was early 20s....36 years later we are still together...with 3 children and 3 grandchildren

Bringsexyback · 13/02/2022 17:44

At 24 I had a degree I owned my own nice car I’ve been on numerous European holidays and I was living on the other side of the world where I met DD‘s father circumstances splitters up rather than anything else by 25 I bought my own house for me and DD to live in.

Absolutely no regrets for that part of my life

Crimesean · 13/02/2022 18:20

Depends on the individual, but biologically it's ideal and more likely to have healthy babies without conditions that increase in likelihood with age such as autism, Downs and many chromosomal disorders.

Personally, I was a bit busy building my career and living it up in London, but as a result I needed many, many rounds of IVF and will only ever have one child (gave birth at 32, started trying at 28 - now in early menopause aged 37).

I used to constantly torture myself with "what-if" but now I'm happy with my lot, I have a wonderful career and the best son in the whole world ❤

I also know a couple who had their DC at 24 - now my friends are
39 and 40 their twins are increasingly independent and they have great careers, plenty of money, and (crucially) the time and energy to spend it!

In summary - each choice has pros and cons. It's up to the individuals concerned. Either way I think it works out in the end.

SirChenjins · 13/02/2022 18:34

Are 24 yr olds not able to find one of those then

How on Earth did you get that from what I said?

NeedAHoliday2021 · 13/02/2022 18:38

Everyone is different. I was married at 22 and had Dd1 age 26. My brother’s wife is expecting their first dc age 39. In 10 years they will be 49 and have a 10yo and I’ll be 49 have a 24yo and two 20yos. Dh and I have good jobs so will be able to afford to travel while also having paid off our mortgage. For me, my “freedom” being post dc works better but my brother wasn’t ready before now.

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 18:55

@BabeB ah, another one of those with no valid points, hence the emoji….

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 18:58

@MsAgnesDiPesto

Okay, so I see it’s not actually possible to ask a question about which I’m curious, and at the same time reflect on my own experience which differs from that I’m curious about.

I made the right choices for me at the right times in my life, and i assume everyone else did the same. Being curious about other sorts of lives isn’t rude or judgmental. I made no judgment about anyone else’s choices in any of my posts, only reflected on my own.

The art of discussion clearly doesn’t live here.

Exactly. On a thread like this I’m assuming that everyone’s opinion depends on their circumstances. And unless they specifically say ‘it’s dumb to have kids in your 20’s/40’s’ I don’t assume that anything expressed implies criticism of other choices.

The only correct answer in all circumstances r.e ‘too young’ is ‘it depends on circumstances’ but that’s not a discussion point really.

Kitkat151 · 13/02/2022 18:58

[quote sanbeiji]@BabeB ah, another one of those with no valid points, hence the emoji….[/quote]
Why is it necessary to have a career to have a baby? ...l very judgy

babeB · 13/02/2022 19:09

[quote sanbeiji]@BabeB ah, another one of those with no valid points, hence the emoji….[/quote]

Another bitter poster who thinks all mums under 40 wallow in sadness and poverty with no ambition 👏🥰

babeB · 13/02/2022 19:09

For you @sanbeiji

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 19:13

@BabeB where did I say that?
I feel so sorry for you. Must’ve had a hard life to be projecting your insecurities on me.
The majority of mothers are under 40 anyway so you’re making no sense whatsoever

Kitkat151 · 13/02/2022 19:19

[quote sanbeiji]@BabeB where did I say that?
I feel so sorry for you. Must’ve had a hard life to be projecting your insecurities on me.
The majority of mothers are under 40 anyway so you’re making no sense whatsoever[/quote]
But you think it’s necessary to have a career before having children?

Averydifferentwoman · 13/02/2022 19:20

@MsAgnesDiPesto this -

I’d be interested to know how many of you who had children at 24 are still happily in relationships with their fathers? All the men I chose to be with at that age would have been awful fathers at that point in our lives, and I can’t imagine still being with any of them now, 25 years later is pretty high handed and to be honest, rude.

It is calling into question peoples judgement and sense. FWIW I know countless people who married university boyfriends and may not have had children until well into their 30s but with the same men they’d been with for at least a decade prior to that.

Perversely, there are many single parents (some on this thread I think) who avoided marriage and children until their 30s

Anyone would think it’s not really related to age.

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 19:33

@Kitkat151 again, where did I say that? the lack of reading comprehension on here’s appalling for a Sunday night.

24 is a prime age for career building, requiring lots of effort. You’re learning new things, might even make a couple of bold, risky career choices. Choices you wouldn’t make if you had little mouths to feed.
Seniority bring stability , and more autonomy over work. Including hours.

Ofc this is just my opinion. I’m sure people will be along to tell me that plenty retrain, make risky moves/get made redundant when they had little kids and it worked out great. Fair play to them, but it probably wasn’t an ‘ideal’ situation unless they had independent wealth/high earning DP.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 13/02/2022 19:37

A relative of mine who is a partner in a law firm and earns an absolute fortune had her DC at 25. She took maternity leave and then has had an uninterrupted career receiving many promotions and pay rises.