Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

[Stressedout65]

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

I was 25 when I had DS1, and am so, so glad I had him when I did. It hasn’t held back my career at all (although I’m lucky I had a good stable job where I could progress steadily in between mat leaves- I left once my youngest was 3 and moved on another leap).

Some of my friends are only just starting their families now at 40, and I don’t think I was any less capable or ready than they are now.

That said, some of the graduates I work with who are older than 25 in some cases o wouldn’t trust with a goldfish, so it’s definitely personality dependant!

I was 23 when I had my first. Totally unplanned honeymoon baby. And I was working abroad at the time. I guess we were lucky because we had childcare as part of our package. In fact I had three by the time I was 28, which is why I chose to be sterilised. They're teenagers now and its still busy but I don't regret a minute of it.

I was 23 when DS was born and very quickly a single mum. I found the early days fairly easy, but was in a fortunate position that I worked in childcare so not only had a bit of an understanding (changing nappies etc wasn't new to me!) but I also got very cheap childcare for DS!

Over the years it feels like we've grown up together. He's now 18 and I'm 41, he's about to fly to nest off to Uni, and whilst he has got a younger brother (13) I feel it's now DH and my turn to have a bit of life.

On a negative, I'd say do what you want to do before you consider children - so if your career is not where you'd like it, look if you want to change it/ study first. If you wanted the chance to travel, do it! Neither impossible with children, but far easier without! I always wished I'd gone to Uni to train to be a midwife, I could do it now but studying isn't for me now really.

So my advice after all that waffle - if the time is right for you, go for it. There are pro's and cons whatever age you choose to have children

@SirChenjins

No, you can’t. You can work full time, and go on holiday

No, you can take sabbaticals, career breaks, work remotely, take short term contracts and travel in between…

And my other points?

When you take a sabbatical and a career break, or short term contracts, you aren’t working, @SirChenjins

I’m not sure what your other points are.

@MsAgnesDiPesto to be fair you were pretty rude yourself.

I don't know whether to vote YABU or YANBU, but I do think 24 is young to settle down and have a baby. Unless there are some unusual circumstances there is no reason to get tied down that young. Enjoy being young and childfree for a few more years!

Nope. I know lots of people still with husbands they met at school and who had children young. Each to their own.

When you take a sabbatical and a career break, or short term contracts, you aren’t working, @SirChenjins*

That’s correct - and you can go travelling. You’re not on holiday.

I did it and personally think it would have been a lot easier financially if we'd waited 5 years. We could have moved up the housing leader and built up equity by doing work ourselves to get a nice family house before kids instead of having to wait until they're out of full time childcare which means we won't make the most of it.

Being in a relationship isn't mandatory at any age op.

Parenthood isn't either.

If someone does want to be a parent then there are pros and cons to all ages.

I was married at 22 and ttc at 24 but it wasn't successful for another 4 years when I had dd.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

I knew there was something wrong with me gynaecologically but didn't get a diagnosis until after my 2nd mc.

If I'd ignored the symptoms totally (as my GPs did!) and waited until my 30's to ttc then it's highly likely I'd have never been a mother. That would have broken me.

Within my close circle there is everything from teen mums to those who had their 1st in their 40's for a variety of reasons. Some personal circumstances, some medical reasons - everyone's situation is different

Your son seems to have a good head on his shoulders imo. He's getting himself a secure job in a time of EXTREME financial and employment insecurity and when in the next few years things are likely to get worse!

It's a career with great opportunities not only for training, education and advancement (not just within his work area but anything he's interested in) but also for travel and the opportunity to get involved in charity, sports and all sorts!

Support him and be proud of him.

Most of one side of my family is military and if I could have I'd have joined up myself (medically excluded unfortunately) my ex was army too.

I don't miss the ex but boy I do miss military life!

It's a great community too.

It sounds like your sons friends aren't becoming fathers particularly by choice and that the pregnancies were unplanned and the couples aren't in great positions financially which is gonna be tough for them.

I'd be using their situations to drum into him about contraception to be honest!

In reality with all that considered statistically the chances are that not only will those relationships not last, by the time the children are 5 the fathers will likely have little to do with them sadly.

Your son sounds very clear minded and sensible. That's a good thing.

Sorry meant to also include I have friends who are child free by choice too, some of them are in the military too and are more interested in furthering their careers - nothing wrong with that at all!

I’d be interested to know how many of you who had children at 24 are still happily in relationships with their fathers? All the men I chose to be with at that age would have been awful fathers at that point in our lives, and I can’t imagine still being with any of them now, 25 years later.

We are still together 24 years later. I’ve already posted on here that we met at 18, bought a house together at 22 and had our first baby at 24. We had lots of fun, including holidays together before we had a child. Neither of us wanted to backpack around the world though. Life and fun didn’t stop when we had a child, it was just different. We had our second child 5 years later and my partner has been such a good father to our children. My own father was abusive and never did any actual parenting, only discipline, which was usually unnecessary and more about his own anger. My partner is the complete opposite. We’ve been through so much together and he’s my best friend as well as my partner.

Yes far too young at 24, plenty of time later for babies.

Slightly less so for women than men.
It's true the brain isn't fully developed until about 24.
Lots just starting their careers at 22/23 so hardly ready to be tied down to one place and the expense of babies.
I have two DC 23 and 26 and I can see neither being ready for children for years yet although both in stable relationships.

24 is plenty time to have tasted travel and freedom and adventure

Perhaps not to this cohort.
DC2 planned to travel the world after graduation but covid put paid to that and they ended up starting a career.

@MsAgnesDiPesto
Wow, no need to be rude - I was asking a genuine question. All my men were ‘good

I wasn’t being rude. My luck in finding a good partner to raise a family with doesn’t imply anything wrong with you, your relationships, your exes or anything like that. Funny you’d take a statement about “some of us” to be casting shade on you.

If you hadn’t found a good man to be a parent with, then why did you say they were all awful?

You said All the men I chose to be with at that age would have been awful fathers at that point in our lives, and I can’t imagine still being with any of them now, 25 years later.

In fact my comment about luck is not rude as it doesn’t even refer to you, but you saying directly to me:
Maybe being tied together by children makes you more inclined to stay even if the relationship changes.

Is downright rude. You’re curious whether people grow apart or together and yet when I say happily married 27 years, one and same father of all my children, your response to ME specifically is to imply I’m in a bad relationship and only stay because of the children.

Way too young for me, and yes, I think it's a young age to have a child in general.

Yes it is. But if you’re not going to do anything good with those years you might as well have the kid. (Not just you but in general).

It’s swings and roundabouts. It’s lovely being late 40’s and an empty nester compared to looking after toddlers. Less chance of bring a sandwich cater looking after a young family and elderly parents at the same time and more chance of having many healthy years being a grandparent.

Carer not cater

Yes, but sadly you won't realise it until your older.

It's true the brain isn't fully developed until about 24.

This is usually the argument against teenage pregnancy, in what way is this relevant to a 24 year old

@SirChenjins if someone can afford to take extensive time out to travel and either maintain their own home or (more likely) have mum and dad to return to - that’s a privileged sub sector of society.

I have a degree and a post graduate qualification and that wouldn’t have been an option for me at 24.

If it applies to you then that’s fine. But I think it’s misleading to suggest that anyone can (and should) do this.

@CrimbleCrumble1

It’s swings and roundabouts. It’s lovely being late 40’s and an empty nester compared to looking after toddlers. Less chance of bring a sandwich cater looking after a young family and elderly parents at the same time and more chance of having many healthy years being a grandparent.

This I became a granny at 50....love having times to spend with my 3 grandies as well as lots of time to spend with my (Healthy) 85 year old Mum without worrying about neglecting my teenagers....time for me and my partner to just take off when we want to..... but if you want kids in your 40s that’s fine by me...I don’t judge anyone for what age they have kids

@AnotherSillawithanS

Yes, but sadly you won't realise it until your older.

Why do you say this?

Yes if you’ve got a career.
Not otherwise.

Yes far too young at 24, plenty of time later for babies.

See this comment here, really patronising, and honestly ridiculous. Far too young? It may be younger than the average these days but it's mid 20s, not 16. 16 is 'far too young' but even then it doesn't have to be a disaster. It begs the question why some people have children at all if they see them as something that changes their own life in such a negative way. The happiness that mine brought me, the opportunities and fun they have brought into my life mean far more than backpacking which would be my hell on earth or travelling could ever bring. For ME. Because we are all different.

It might not be the ideal for everyone but pretty rude and disparaging of other people's perfectly reasonable and sensible choices, to say it's 'far too young'. There are some massive advantages of choosing to have children in your mid 20s. I emphasise choosing because I always think if unplanned, at whatever age, can be far more difficult. Not always but if you've not deliberately chosen it, it must be difficult to get your head around.

I love being closer in age to my kids. I love that I didn't find it exhausting at the newborn stage, I love that I'll still be young when they are teens/20s. My parents were in their 50s when my kids were born and have been really active and able to enjoy them. I'm glad I won't be looking after toddlers alongside elderly parents at the same time and if my parents are like their own parents my kids will be in their 20s before they need any help.

@sanbeiji

Yes if you’ve got a career. Not otherwise.

🙄