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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
mustlovegin · 12/02/2022 10:12

YANBU OP

Hapoydayz · 12/02/2022 10:13

YANBU I don't understand why but there do seem to be a lot of women too nervous to drive and rely on their partners to do it

MissMinutes24 · 12/02/2022 10:15

In generalised terms men are more reckless drivers. I imagine the two things are linked.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/02/2022 10:15

Not my experience. Confidently driving with no bumps for 30 years
🤷‍♀️

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:16

Maybe it's also because public transport is quite good in this country ( UK ).. I have several friends across the world ( think US and continental Europe ), they don't seem to be as worried at all and just get in the car and go. Perhaps it's that we can rely more on public transport here, which takes the necessity away and then people get rusty, perhaps.

OP posts:
ButterflyBitch · 12/02/2022 10:17

I know so many men who are scared of spiders. Why don’t they man up? Why can’t they confidently face a teeny tiny spider?
Who the fuck are you to judge what other people are afraid of? What a judgemental horrible post.

BaruFisher · 12/02/2022 10:17

I’m scared of driving. I’m generally a very uncoordinated person. That makes something like driving pretty difficult. Especially in busy cities where getting anywhere means crossing several lanes at speed when no bugger will let you out. It’s not because I’m a woman. It’s because I’m me.

I’m sure while you are ever so wonderful with your driving bravery, there are other things you’re scared of. But us nervous drivers won’t tell you to woman up because we accept we’re all different

Mumdiva99 · 12/02/2022 10:17

It's all the aggressive arseholes.on the road that make it scary. The ones who drove up.your backside, the ones who won't gove way, the ones who don't know which lane to be in. The ones who post on local groups about 'why can't everyone drive at 60mph if that's the speed limit' and the ones that agree with them. The ones that push out into tiny gaps....etc etc If road users were more accommodating, less aggressive and just slowed down a little bit it might help....

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:17

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Nietzschethehiker · 12/02/2022 10:18

I do think it's a mix. Definitely there are some unpleasant drivers around and they are definitely mostly men. That said I do think the other side of it is the level of learned helplessness with some women. I do think in many cases its because a male in their life has created it.

I have also met more than a few who adopt being nervous driving as a personality trait. I saw a SM post the other day where she stated she doesn't put her own petrol in because real men don't allow their Wimmin to do such dirty things Hmm . Granted an outlier there (I bloody hope) but it dies remind me of someone I managed years ago , when in conversation we were discussing I had put oil in my car that morning, who claimed that it was unladylike of me and I should have asked exdh to do it for me.

We worked in a service known for its need for resilience . It was incredibly depressing.

Basically yes aggressive males definitely have a role to play in this but a small group really don't help themselves

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:19

@ButterflyBitch

I know so many men who are scared of spiders. Why don’t they man up? Why can’t they confidently face a teeny tiny spider? Who the fuck are you to judge what other people are afraid of? What a judgemental horrible post.
I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it.
OP posts:
user1471543683 · 12/02/2022 10:19

I see this at work in the staff room, colleagues discussing about how they want to go to IKEA but no they'd never drive there. It's pretty much motorway/dual carriageway all the way there. Straightforward but they don't do it.

LapinR0se · 12/02/2022 10:20

I don’t drive because I have zero spatial
awareness and get panic attacks behind the wheel. That makes me very dangerous to other drivers. I have no idea if being a woman is related to the above.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 12/02/2022 10:20

What’s the problem with being scared of driving?

Aren’t you scared of anything? I fucking hate driving on the motorway. The speeds and the entering. I live near the M1. Sometimes it’s a 70 mph traffic jam.

Bully for you that you’re not scared. Big deal🤷🏼‍♀️

AllOfUsAreDead · 12/02/2022 10:20

Me neither, I love driving. I have done numerous racing car experiences, it's so much fun.

What I hate is when they say they are safe on the road despite driving slowly, and you really aren't safe. Would you operate a chainsaw if you weren't confident to? No, so why is a car different? Both are machines, both can only do what the human operating them makes them do, both can kill in the wrong hands.

Driving slowly and not confidently is just as dangerous. Its not safe by any means. You're more likely to cause accidents when you're nervous.

ZealAndArdour · 12/02/2022 10:21

Wonder how many of them have had a dad/boyfriend/husband/male sat in the passenger seat criticising their driving at some point (or continually) which has had a cumulative effect on their confidence on the roads, when combined with acts of road rage from other road users, and non-courteous driving inflicted on them?

My driving is constantly criticised by my dad or my boyfriend, the the point now that if I’m having even the slightest bad day or feeling a bit off colour my boyfriend will do a patronising “shall I drive?” and head tilt thing insinuating that I’m not capable.

The only accident I’ve ever had in 15 years of driving was taking it too tight into my dads drive way one time in the dark and scraping the side of my car, so that would suggest I’m not really a danger to anyone else on the road. Yet the frequent criticisers have had a variety of points and fines and accidents.

Icenii · 12/02/2022 10:21

I'll drive most places regardless of time but I don't like driving in the dark. I find the lights make things difficult and I believe this is common with asigmatisims. Also, DH will be the default driver. It bores me and I can't be arsed.

THisbackwithavengeance · 12/02/2022 10:21

Because their DHs do the real driving on the big roads and they just pop to the shops, do the school runs, and occasionally drive home when the DH fancies a drink.

So they lose any confidence they had in themselves in the 1st place and their skills become diminished due to lack of practice.

I agree OP. It irritates me how the default position in most couples is for the man to drive.

NandorTheRelentlessCleaner · 12/02/2022 10:21

My DH was scared to go to the car wash and doing it wrong, and wanted me to come with him as he was nervous

Just for balance Grin

Magpiesalute · 12/02/2022 10:22

I’m really pleased for you that you don’t find driving scary, but why criticise those who do? It’s a perfectly understandable fear. A simple mistake when driving could cause serious injury or death. There are a lot of aggressive drivers on the roads and many people don’t seem to have much patience. I can drive, but I hate it. I have had two separate lots of refresher lessons and my driving is perfectly ok, but I still loathe it and feel anxious about making a mistake. I’m not sure that will ever change.

Cheekypeach · 12/02/2022 10:22

YANBU this is me if I’m honest but I’ve booked an intensive for the summer & im determined to have my freedom and not rely on DH.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 12/02/2022 10:22

You used ‘super pathetic’ in the same paragraph.
HTH

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/02/2022 10:23

unfeelingwife

MrsSkylerWhite
Not my experience. Confidently driving with no bumps for 30 years
🤷‍♀️

I know at least 5 women in my circle who don't drive when it's dark and don't drive on the motorway or duel carriage way, ever. They rely on husbands to drive unless it's very local.“

I don’t know any women like that and think it’s weird that you know so many.

Hasselhoffsheadband · 12/02/2022 10:23

I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it.

That's nice dear...

ClariceQuiff · 12/02/2022 10:23

I find driving terrifying. I have very poor co-ordination and spatial awareness.

I'm fine with spiders though. I pick them up by hand to rescue them from my cats Grin .