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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:51

@lovelyweathertoday

I can drive perfectly well (that is to say with occasional mistakes like any person). However, I much prefer public transport when it's convenient as it's a more efficient use of resources and less hassle, especially in cities.

I do find driving very tiring, and struggle with night driving due to dazzling headlights. So I won't do night driving into my old age for safety reasons.

I don't think it's normal to be repeatedly sworn at or have multiple accidents, maybe a refresher course would be useful.

I've never had an accident when I was driving myself by the way, I was always a passenger !

As for cabbies swearing at me, that's all part of the fun.

I'm probably a terrible driver to some, but I don't care. I'm a safe one.

OP posts:
GizmosEveningBath · 12/02/2022 10:51

'Super pathetic' what an awful expression to use OP, are you not scared of anything?

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:52

@GizmosEveningBath

'Super pathetic' what an awful expression to use OP, are you not scared of anything?
Lots of things. And I'm 100 percent certain lots of people will find me super pathetic too. It's life.
OP posts:
PandoraP · 12/02/2022 10:52

Of all the things you can be scared of, driving seems quite a sensible thing to be scared of to me.

I drive locally only unless I can avoid it. Partly two bad crashes which was not my fault (one driver jumped a red light full speed) have made me jumpy on the road. There are two many idiots in cars who SHOULD consider handing over the keys and letting their DH or DW drive them instead!

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 10:53

I drive.

I have anxiety and it increased at menopause. This is a known menopause symptom.

I am no longer anxious driving now my physical symptoms of menopause are being treated.

caranations · 12/02/2022 10:53

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers

There's two reasons for that. Firstly, this is a largely female forum so almost all the posts will be by women, and secondly, the majority of men are unlikely to own up or admit that they're scared of anything.

Wreath21 · 12/02/2022 10:54

I don't drive. I did learn (and eventually passed the test) in... 1988. But I hated it, was awful at it, have no sense of direction and possibly mild dyspraxia. And I have always lived in London, where there is excellent public transport. So I don't need to drive or own a car. I travel all over the country, often with a huge heavy bag of stuff to sell, and only occasionally need to get a taxi to manage the last part of a journey (from nearest train station to venue).

Mind you, I sometimes feel a similar level of mild disdain for people who won't use public transport because, waa, it's scary (this does not apply to those who live in areas where there is no public transport, those who have mobility issues or are travelling with another person with mobility issues... or several small children etc - just the ones who are too wet to catch a bus because someone might look at them funny.)

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 10:54

I also had a very bad accident when I was driving which was not my fault. The car was written off.

That increased my anxiety around driving for a long time afterwards.

Being the driver in an accident is v different to being a passenger (have also been in accidents as a passenger).

EvenLess07 · 12/02/2022 10:55

Hmm, maybe it's because some of us have had really bad experiences in cars. Like being repeatedly sexually abused as a child by a middle aged man, in a car, who used to speed up to frighten me if I did something to annoy or upset him. So go fuck yourself, OP.

Footsanitiser · 12/02/2022 10:55

I think women are too scared to be seen as doing anything wrong and get flustered if someone behind them is impatient with them.

Absolutely. I know this is the case for DH and I- if he gets flashed or beeped it doesn't even seem to register, whereas I will overthink it and worry about what I did wrong, and I also worry far to much about who is behind me and whether they are getting impatient with me.

This ^
I often put off parallel parking if there is a car waiting, in case they get impatient or beep. If no one is there I can usually do it first time.

Motherhubbardscupboard · 12/02/2022 10:56

I think it's fairly healthy to have a fear of driving. As someone posted earlier, these are killing machines we're driving around and you seem frighteningly blasé. I am very aware of what the consequences could be if I make a mistake or have a momentary lapse in concentration. I drive anywhere and everywhere as it happens, locally, London, 400 miles away. But I'm not complacent about it, and I understand those who don't like driving.

PlumKetchup · 12/02/2022 10:57

@Hasselhoffsheadband

Why do driving threads always bring out the twats on MN?

Some kind of fear of driving is perfectly rational. You are potentially travelling at 70 odd mph in a metal box on wheels, that you are solely in control of and responsible for, alongside dozens of other people in metal boxes on wheels, that they are solely in control or and responsible for.

And you wonder why people might be a bit worried about that and judge them for it?

This. Lots of people are scared or nervous when driving, for perfectly valid reasons. It's not ideal, but that's how things are. I'm not scared of driving, but most of the time I don't particularly enjoy it. One of my siblings died after being involved in a car accident, so I'm very much aware of the worst that can happen when people behave like twats while driving. If you want to judge me for that then fine, but I'm allowed to judge you too.
UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 10:58

no! I failed my driving test a good few times. I hate driving. I avoid it whenever possible by getting the bus or a taxi. Still cheaper than running a car.

GizmosEveningBath · 12/02/2022 10:58

There are other scenarios where aggressive men have influenced women's behaviour. For example I avoid walking/going for a run after dark. Most women I know do but the men in my life don't. Is that pathetic too?

Why reserve your disdain for the women? I'm irritated that it is the societal norm for men to drive and fucked off that men use thier vehicles as yet another way to threaten women.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/02/2022 10:59

I don’t think this is just about women being more anxious drivers. I think women generally are more likely to be anxious and more averse to risk taking than men. Certainly that is true in my social circles anyway, the men largely present as confident and don’t really think through the consequences of behaviour in the same way as most of the women.

There are lots of other areas where statistically women are less likely to have the confidence to take a risk, for example negotiating a larger salary or going for a promotion, when compared to men.

I also think that socially men and women have historically been conditioned to believe that driving and cars are suited to men and more difficult for women, most people will have heard comments about ‘women drivers’ for example. Even though statistically women are safer drivers than men this doesn’t reflect into stereotypes and as such I think it is understandable these deep-rooted societal beliefs will make some women feel like they are bad drivers or not as capable as their partners when it comes to taking on the driving when travelling. If you’ve been subconsciously conditioned to believe you’re not good at something then it’s unsurprising when that impacts on your willingness and confidence to do that thing, regardless of whether the belief is true or not. Society has conditioned men to believe they are naturally good at driving and women to believe they are not and so that is reflected in how confident men and women are about their driving ability.

ddl1 · 12/02/2022 10:59

I don't drive because I've been medically advised not to, as I have visual processing and motor co-ordination difficulties which would make me an unsafe driver especially if something unexpected happened suddenly. You might not notice my difficulties in a situation where quick reactions and good co-ordination are not required. I am unusual in having had these mild but definite disabilities all my life, but many people develop some such problems with age.

I don't expect someone else to drive me around; I choose to live somewhere where driving is not essential, and yes, it has resulted in some career restrictions, but I accept them. I do not welcome being called 'super pathetic' because of my difficulties. Would you call someone who needed to make some adaptations to their life because they were hard of hearing, or had arthritis, 'super pathetic'?

There are many women who are good drivers and many men who aren't. I think the main gender difference is that men are more likely than women to drive even if they do have issues that mean that they are not able to drive completely safely, and therefore are more likely to endanger themselves and others.

PWYP76 · 12/02/2022 11:00

And why are there so many people who put a space after a question mark.. Grrh.. Grammar up!

PlanetNormal · 12/02/2022 11:00

YANBU.

I agree completely, OP. It’s pathetic. And I say that as a woman who has driven across Europe and across the United States on my own. It’s particularly dismaying that in 2020 so many women still do not regard themselves as being equally capable as men. Not because of any structural or systemic discrimination but because they don’t want to be.

Longcovid21 · 12/02/2022 11:00

It's not a bad thing to be respectful of the roads. I think often when you're travelling with kids you feel very protective of them (research about female badgers with young showed they were more risk averse). Also kids can be very distracting in the back (fighting etc). Driving on my own is a breeze. Long journeys with my young kids in the back have me gripping the steering wheel and clenching my stomach!

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:00

@MolkosTeenageAngst

I don’t think this is just about women being more anxious drivers. I think women generally are more likely to be anxious and more averse to risk taking than men. Certainly that is true in my social circles anyway, the men largely present as confident and don’t really think through the consequences of behaviour in the same way as most of the women.

There are lots of other areas where statistically women are less likely to have the confidence to take a risk, for example negotiating a larger salary or going for a promotion, when compared to men.

I also think that socially men and women have historically been conditioned to believe that driving and cars are suited to men and more difficult for women, most people will have heard comments about ‘women drivers’ for example. Even though statistically women are safer drivers than men this doesn’t reflect into stereotypes and as such I think it is understandable these deep-rooted societal beliefs will make some women feel like they are bad drivers or not as capable as their partners when it comes to taking on the driving when travelling. If you’ve been subconsciously conditioned to believe you’re not good at something then it’s unsurprising when that impacts on your willingness and confidence to do that thing, regardless of whether the belief is true or not. Society has conditioned men to believe they are naturally good at driving and women to believe they are not and so that is reflected in how confident men and women are about their driving ability.

Definitely
OP posts:
vixeyann · 12/02/2022 11:01

I struggle to drive in the dark as my eye sight is crap and the glare from modern headlights is ridiculous but mainly because I live in the middle of nowhere and there are no street lights for miles. Put me back in civilisation and it's okay!

Ponoka7 · 12/02/2022 11:02

@unfeelingwife
"Lots of things. And I'm 100 percent certain lots of people will find me super pathetic too. It's life."

It isn't. Most people don't think like you and aren't that judgemental. Most of us are just getting on with our own lives and don't care about what doesn't directly affect us.
You're very insulting towards others who aren't doing anyone any harm and are just realising their limitations and don't want to cause accidents.

Momicrone · 12/02/2022 11:02

I am a pretty good driver, but I cannot bare the aggression on motorways, usually by men

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 11:03

I don’t waste my time judging people whose behaviour I can’t influence. I just do me.

Longcovid21 · 12/02/2022 11:03

I know at least 5 women in my circle who don't drive when it's dark and don't drive on the motorway or duel carriage way, ever. They rely on husbands to drive unless it's very local

This could be eyesight OP. Since I've hit 45 night driving is way more tricky. I get blinded by the halogen lights and can't see anything.

What's your age OP?