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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
NotNowBoris · 12/02/2022 10:30

She got rid of her car, that should read, she didn't abandon the cat!

CeratopsofthePharoahs · 12/02/2022 10:30

I used to be a very unconfident driver. Part of the reason was my car. I had inherited my mum's old Citroen Saxo which was painted "harvest red" ie dusky pink. Nobody takes you seriously in a small, dusky pink car. Nobody.
DH had a rude awakening when he needed to drive my car. Suddenly everyone was cutting him up, not giving way when they should. He said he ended up facing someone who was on the wrong side of the road who was refusing to move until he got out. Then suddenly because they realise the car is actually being driven by a burly man they capitulated. Never happened for me.
Was a bloody shame, it was a lovely car to drive, but it felt like driving with a target on my back.
My current car is a standard shade of red and is also a bit bigger. Not had anything like as many issues.

Hasselhoffsheadband · 12/02/2022 10:30

I think women are too scared to be seen as doing anything wrong and get flustered if someone behind them is impatient with them.

Absolutely. I know this is the case for DH and I- if he gets flashed or beeped it doesn't even seem to register, whereas I will overthink it and worry about what I did wrong, and I also worry far to much about who is behind me and whether they are getting impatient with me.

I have been driving for over 2 decades and never been in an accident, so I know I just have to get over it and not worry about some ragey bloke behind me who is up my arse when I'm already driving safely at the speed limit.

MissTrip82 · 12/02/2022 10:31

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

What’s the problem with being scared of driving?

Aren’t you scared of anything? I fucking hate driving on the motorway. The speeds and the entering. I live near the M1. Sometimes it’s a 70 mph traffic jam.

Bully for you that you’re not scared. Big deal🤷🏼‍♀️

If I never did anything I was scared to do I wouldn’t have done very much.

There’s discomfort with acquiring any new skill.

I imagine the women I see posting on here who can’t get their kid to school or to a hospital appointment or other basic stuff because they
‘Dont drive’ are experiencing a fair bit of discomfort also.

Seeline · 12/02/2022 10:31

I am a terrible passenger so I nearly always do the driving. I love driving and always have - possibly to do with the fact that my parents didn't have a car so the sense of freedom is unreal.
I enjoy most motorway driving, even though due to where we live any journey starts with the M25.
I don't mind driving at night.
Am happy driving abroad, and adapt to left hand drive vehicles.

I agree that anyone who isn't confident using motorways/dual carriageway/night time driving should not be driving at all.

I have to say amongst my friends there is a group who can't drive (never learnt) and a group who are happy driving anywhere at any time.

Bigdreamer9 · 12/02/2022 10:31

Maybe you’ve seen so many posts on here about women being scared of driving because pretty much all the posts on here are from women…

I’m sure there’s also men who are scared of driving but just haven’t posted on mumsnet Hmm

Hasselhoffsheadband · 12/02/2022 10:31

The driving threads do always make me feel a but less alone though, as I always feel like I'm the only one out there who isn't a super confident driver.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 12/02/2022 10:32

It’s not a new skill. I’ve been driving for 35 years. The more l drive the more l hate it.

lemmein · 12/02/2022 10:32

I'm not scared of driving but I don't enjoy it so will avoid it where possible.

I can't drive on the night because the lights affect my eyes, I literally can't see properly - so don't do it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unless these reluctant drivers are asking you for lifts I can't see why it would bother you so much? It's not exactly an irrational fear is it? You're in a metal box driving at high speeds and have zero control of the arseholes around you - maybe those who are scared just have a stronger survival instinct? A quick google brings up that 1.35 million die on the roads every year internationally - hardly a 'pathetic' fear.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 12/02/2022 10:33

I've been a woman motorcyclist for years and the things men do on the road beggar belief. I was once driven off the road at 50 miles an hour by a male idiot coming round the bend on the wrong side of the road. I almost didn't make it after flying over a hedge. I've finally given up riding at 60 because I know a male driver will probably kill me one day.

KilmordenCastle · 12/02/2022 10:33

I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it

I mean you could just be a decent person and try to see things from other people's perspectives but never mind......... Confused

If people are nervous driving on motorways or in the dark then surely its better that they don't do it as nervous drivers can be quite dangerous. Better to have someone confident and comfortable driving them in those situations rather than have a nervous wreck behind the wheel trying to "woman up" because a stranger on the Internet told her to.

Georgeskitchen · 12/02/2022 10:33

YABU. What if someone has had to traumatic incident while motorway driving? (Me)
What if someone struggles with dazzle at night on unlit roads? (Me)
What if you weren't so judgemental of other people's "fails"?

gooseygoosey12345 · 12/02/2022 10:34

Yeah I don't get it either. My vagina doesn't stop me from being a competent driver. I drove halfway up the country a few weeks after passing my test. As long as you're aware of what's going on around you there's really nothing to be nervous of! And accidents do happen but that's part of life. You can't avoid everything, you'd never leave the house!

Comedycook · 12/02/2022 10:34

Yanbu. I also find it pathetic. It's so dated as well to have the mindset that you must rely on your husband to drive you round.

SparklyLeprechaun · 12/02/2022 10:35

I know quite a few men who don't drive at all, got their driving licence late in life or prefer not to drive. They just don't go around saying they are scared, so they are not that obvious.

ClariceQuiff · 12/02/2022 10:35

@NotNowBoris

She got rid of her car, that should read, she didn't abandon the cat!
Excellent typo - I had a mental picture of a cat on the front passenger seat growling at your mum as she drove!
Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:36

@Hasselhoffsheadband

I think women are too scared to be seen as doing anything wrong and get flustered if someone behind them is impatient with them.

Absolutely. I know this is the case for DH and I- if he gets flashed or beeped it doesn't even seem to register, whereas I will overthink it and worry about what I did wrong, and I also worry far to much about who is behind me and whether they are getting impatient with me.

I have been driving for over 2 decades and never been in an accident, so I know I just have to get over it and not worry about some ragey bloke behind me who is up my arse when I'm already driving safely at the speed limit.

We really shouldn't care about idiots trying to intimidate us.
OP posts:
LampLighter414 · 12/02/2022 10:36

YANBU

Also see people who seemingly can't go shopping on their own, use Google for common queries like opening times of a particular place or answer the door for a parcel etc

Notanewusertool · 12/02/2022 10:36

I find it frustrating too, although I understand why. There's so much twitter around driving that women who lack confidence feel bullied on the road (in the same way that women who prefer to listen and understand get shouted down by shouty men in work). Women are proven safer drivers, but men often have a different (wrong) definition of good. I'm a confident driver these days and know I'm safer than my husband because I have much better awareness of the whole situation (I see brake lights on the car 3 cars in front of me so I'm ready to brake - he only notices the car in front). However, that only happened because I had no choice but to drive, and therefore had to get over my worries.

Flatandhappy · 12/02/2022 10:36

I was a very confident driver when younger, even though I didn’t learn to drive until I was 30. I spent a lot of time on the M25 for work, could park in a tight spot better than DH and was happy to drive overseas. However my eyesight started deteriorating in my 50s and some aggressive chemotherapy didn’t help so I have gradually stopped night driving. I see that as recognising my limitations rather than being scared. I would prefer not to have nervous drivers on motorways tbh, they are dangerous.

gooseygoosey12345 · 12/02/2022 10:36

I also couldn't give a shit if another road user wants to call me a c*. I'm a really good driver so if I do something wrong, and it's not often, it's a genuine mistake, if they haven't got a bit of patience for others on the road that's their issue. I'm not easily intimidated and I think that's where the problem is for some women who do feel intimidated, quite disgusting that they're made to feel that way really!

Quangoquandry · 12/02/2022 10:37

As a fairly new driver (4 months), I am confident on routes I know but if I am going somewhere I don't know the roads, I do get quite anxious before I leave.
My dad was a professional driver before taking over the family business, driving the a9 and has always been vocal in telling stories of what he had seen during his days of driving HGVs. I think these stories are always in the back of my mind, however I would say they have helped me in being a safe driver.
I am hopeful I will get more confident the more I drive though and am starting to enjoy it.
I have a great partner who is supportive if I want to drive on longer journeys, and having him beside me and knowing he can take over if want him to (although it's not been necessary) is a great comfort.
There are a huge amount of arseholes on the roads, but I would encourage anyone who encounters purposeful twats, to report them to the police if you have a second pair of eyes who can corroborate (a friend, partner, husband, wife etc. do count). I reported someone for tailgating and general ridiculous driving and they have been issued with an asbo. If we had video footage the police said they would have pursued a dangerous driving case.

Notanewusertool · 12/02/2022 10:37

Twitter was supposed to be twattery

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:37

@Comedycook

Yanbu. I also find it pathetic. It's so dated as well to have the mindset that you must rely on your husband to drive you round.
I've also had many men tell me I was brave and wow how amazing it was that I was so confident to drive long distances alone and that they don't know women who would ever dare... Confused
OP posts:
SarahJessicaPorker · 12/02/2022 10:37

I wasn't a nervous driver, but I was just never interested in learning! Don't like traffic. Don't like cars at all. Never understand it when people get all breathy over how gorgeous a car is or get into debt for a brand new car or whatever.

But, needs must and I did learn when I was pregnant with dc2 and we'd moved to an area where walking everywhere with a toddler and a pram was a bit dangerous (no pavements on some roads, lots of traffic) and no public transport. I'd drive anywhere now. Not sure if I've ever been nervous about it but just not arsed till I was forced to do it. Not sure I'd have taken kindly to being told to woman up when I didn't drive, but meh

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