Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

[unfeelingwife]

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

YANBU OP - I run a company & recently advertised a FOH/receptionist role. As there’s no public transport available here, we make it clear in the job advert that all candidates must have their own transport.

We booked in several interviews & there was one candidate in particular that looked super promising. The morning of her interview, the recruitment agent called and apologised profusely to say that the candidate tried doing the drive to the office the night before & didn’t feel able to manage it in the dark. She was hoping we’d still interview her (remotely) and tweak the job role to being remote (impossible for a client-facing FOH role).

Her journey from home would have been 15 minutes long on two reasonably well lit, single carriageway 40mph roads. The mind boggles.

Think even these days men are embarrassed to admit if they're scared.

For the record: woman here, love driving.

I also think a lot of it is the age at which you learned to drive. I learnt at 17 and have always loved driving - only thing that stresses me out is driving in an unfamiliar area when I need to be somewhere by a certain time, and that’s more about not wanting to be late.

I know several people who didn’t learn till their 30s and they are very nervous unconfident drivers.

I appreciate that’s far too simplistic a way to look at things overall - there will be confident drivers who learned late and nervous ones who passed their test at 18 - but I’m sure there’s a link.

I feel sorry for people who can’t or are too nervous to drive. I would hate having to rely on favours from other people, or use public transport all the time, but for so many people that’s just the way it is and I’m sure they live their lives quite happily.

I agree with you OP. Also I seem to see so many posts on here from women who are very restricted in what they can do in their daily lives because they don't drive. It's fine if you live somewhere with great public transport but often they seem to live in the arse end of nowhere so are basically housebound other than going for walks or having to do a 3 hour round trip on 4 buses for a journey that would be 20 minutes in the car.

It's sadder still when they have kids that also suffer because of this as they can't easily go to any activities, toddler groups etc. Just suck it up and learn how to drive?!!

@gooseygoosey12345

I also couldn't give a shit if another road user wants to call me a c*. I'm a really good driver so if I do something wrong, and it's not often, it's a genuine mistake, if they haven't got a bit of patience for others on the road that's their issue. I'm not easily intimidated and I think that's where the problem is for some women who do feel intimidated, quite disgusting that they're made to feel that way really!

It is ! But again, I think it comes down to women not wanting to rock the boat in general and caring too much about what other people think of them. Which I think is at the route of it.

We are conditioned to be too polite and perfect all the time.

Generalisation and my opinion.

Some people can’t drive well, some people struggle with recognising that not everyone is identical to them.
I know I’m a poor driver - my spatial awareness and my eyesight are bad, especially at night.

I’ve known a couple of people who’ve killed pedestrians by their driving (unequivocally their fault). That isn’t ever going to be something I do just for the sake of convenience. Quite apart from the cost and the moral issue of polluting the city and the planet.

I'm not scared of driving and I only know of one woman who is (and she puts it down to being nervous of other drivers, she's actually fully competent behind the wheel)

I do get scared of my DH's driving though - overly confident / risk-taking / road rage / lack of spacial awareness & breaking distance and general arseholery.

As soon as he jumps behind the wheel he morphs into a different (shitty) person and he's had more accidents than me by a country mile.

Hence I do the vast majority of driving us around - doesn't stop the back seat driver in him though!
Driving anywhere with him is Painful!

*root, not route...

That's not really my experience, I actually know more men who can't drive at all than women! The reason for seeing more posts about scared female drivers is probably because MN is predominantly used my women.

I think I'm the opposite
I get annoyed when people think bad drivers or low confidence drivers should just woman up. I think they should keep off the road and it might be one reason why we have so many shit drivers out there.

I was a good driver, I say that with confidence. I stopped because I felt illness and medication had altered my ability.

If people don't drive in certain circumstances, that's kind of the same.

I use taxis when needed. And sometimes when not needed, I fecking hate the Tube!

It took me 18 months to pass my driving test (5 failed tests but needed to learn to drive for my job). I had a super critical boyfriend too who made it so much worse. Took me a long time to build up my confidence, I get very nervous when driving in areas I don't know well, and other drivers are aggressive, stupid and unpredictable. More so after covid, everyone's driving skills seem to have been forgotten.

I've been driving 10 years now and am fairly confident. Until a month ago when I was in a serious accident, that wasn't my fault, because of some dick who wasn't concentrating and in a rush to get to his golf game. Injuries aside, I'm now nervous behind the wheel again. Back to being pathetic it seems!

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

What’s the problem with being scared of driving?

Aren’t you scared of anything? I fucking hate driving on the motorway. The speeds and the entering. I live near the M1. Sometimes it’s a 70 mph traffic jam.

Bully for you that you’re not scared. Big deal🤷🏼‍♀️

I have no issue with people being scared of driving, per se - it's inherently dangerous.

What I find ridiculous is that I know one man scared of driving (after a lorry hit his car).

But I know probably 20 women who are at various levels of 'only drive round the corner', 'only drive in daylight', 'never go on a road above 30mph', 'will only drive in hometown, as soon as she reaches the petrol station on the way out of town she swaps and lets her husband take over' - all the way to my favourite, a woman I know who pulls over at the side of the road at her house and asks her husband to pull the car onto the drive. Every time.

And as PPs have said, so many of them make it like a weird personality feature that they're seemingly quite proud of - "Oh no I never drive on anything faster than the estate round my house lest I simply expire from fear at 30mph hehehe! Twenty's plenty! I leave all the scary "reversing" and "checking the tyre pressure" and "putting fuel in" to my husband! A motorway? Heavens no, far too dangerous"

It's a learned helplessness I find really annoying. And statistically you'd expect there to be roughly equal split of driving anxiety between men and women and yet... there isn't (in my experience).

Because I’m shit at it

When I was at college all the boys in my class (allegedly) "knew" how to drive already, and passing their test would be a piece of piss. Spoiler; it wasn't and they didn't all pass first time.
But there was definitely a confidence/arrogance about it.
I don't love driving and I do feel nervous of certain situations sonetimes (I don't think its that unusual to be slightly put off by complicated junctions or a new road layout/plethora of road furniture etc) I drive on motorways, country lanes and in London. I drive at night. We share the driving if going on long journeys. I think I'm.a better driver than DH although he would disagree
I am super pathetic about spiders though.

YANBU OP.

I'll say this here but I can't say it in real life. My MIL stopped driving 30 years ago because she found it scary, so she let her husband do all the driving instead. Unfortunately he then died suddenly and relatively young (early 60s) and now she's on her own in a rural area, nearest tiny shop is a 20 minute walk up a huge hill, nearest GP is an hour away. Unreliable bus service. Nearest family (us) two hours away.

She is always saying she is lonely and can't go anywhere but any suggestion that she might pick up driving again is immediately written off. I find it incredibly frustrating.

I used to work in a building with tricky parking. There were a few women who used to leave their car outside the entrance and get a man to park it for them. It completely did my head in! Learn how to park, or maybe ask one of the women who can park to do it for you. Why always a man?

More men should be afraid to drive. They're terrible.

You also sound like an awful person though. Using this as ANOTHER stick to beat women with rather than being supportive.

Not everyone wants or needs to drive and not everyone should! If that bothers you in your circle find better friends.

@Hasselhoffsheadband

I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it.

That's nice dear...

Good for you.
I passed 6 months ago and I'm very confident on the routes I know but less so in unfamiliar surroundings.Ive only done a small amount of motorway driving so far and I don't like it tbh.
You sound very smug and judgy .

I can drive perfectly well (that is to say with occasional mistakes like any person). However, I much prefer public transport when it's convenient as it's a more efficient use of resources and less hassle, especially in cities.

I do find driving very tiring, and struggle with night driving due to dazzling headlights. So I won't do night driving into my old age for safety reasons.

I don't think it's normal to be repeatedly sworn at or have multiple accidents, maybe a refresher course would be useful.

I don't know any woman like the women in your " circle" maybe find more confident friends! all the women drivers I know just drive wherever they need to go. One of my dds drives as part of their job I suggest you also widen your circle and stop judging women on the few you "know".

@MintyGreenDream

Good for you. I passed 6 months ago and I'm very confident on the routes I know but less so in unfamiliar surroundings.Ive only done a small amount of motorway driving so far and I don't like it tbh. You sound very smug and judgy .

It takes time to be comfortable everywhere. Just don't stop trying and give up. Then it's harder to get back in the saddle.

@unfeelingwife I love driving its taken me til the age of 41 to finally do it

@CeratopsofthePharoahs

I used to be a very unconfident driver. Part of the reason was my car. I had inherited my mum's old Citroen Saxo which was painted "harvest red" ie dusky pink. Nobody takes you seriously in a small, dusky pink car. Nobody. DH had a rude awakening when he needed to drive my car. Suddenly everyone was cutting him up, not giving way when they should. He said he ended up facing someone who was on the wrong side of the road who was refusing to move until he got out. Then suddenly because they realise the car is actually being driven by a burly man they capitulated. Never happened for me. Was a bloody shame, it was a lovely car to drive, but it felt like driving with a target on my back. My current car is a standard shade of red and is also a bit bigger. Not had anything like as many issues.

This. I've had a face-off with someone who decided I was on the wrong side of the road (nope) and it was too much effort for them to pull into the parking space on their left to let me through. That was an interesting 10 minutes. They gave up when I took the keys out of my ignition and picked up the newspaper.

I get more shit from other drivers when I'm driving my Corsa than I do when I'm driving DHs car. And so does he. Doesn't stop me though - I refuse to get bullied by shitheads.

I've been driving for almost 35 years now and enjoy it. I also believe I'm quite good at it. But there was a period where I had some mental health issues and relied on DH to do a lot of the driving as my anxiety meant I had panic attacks at the thought of driving. Back on my feet now and driving again.

Being a good driver is about acknowledging those around you and making allowances for their driving style. Always keeping an eye out for the other idiot.

I'm a super pathetic non driver not a jot do I care !