Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

[unfeelingwife]

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

I think it's generational and a bit of a class thing. MIL never learnt, never encouraged by FIL bit of an it's a male role mindset.

My mother had no problem when she was with my father. Married this step in 1981 and he's bigoted and sexist and has drilled into her that it's OK to do runarounds to the shops but he needs to do the big driving in the big car.

Grannie drove the tractor and drove a car before a driving licence was required.

I learnt in 1977; dh in 1995. He acknowledges I am the better driver but still bought himself a wanky sports car. At least he finds an excuse not to drive it when we navigate the corkscrew bends on the coast where France meets Spain.

I think much of the problem arises when the woman does not have her own car. Drives me nuts when I buy a new one and mother says she thinks dh should have accompanied me or the salesman asks if I have to discuss it with my DH.

YABU for starting another thread about it! And for lacking empathy. Also, I know more men than women who are afraid to drive 🤷‍♀️

I’m not a very confident person in general and suffer from many anxieties BUT I adore driving and drive for a living. If I had to give up driving I would be absolutely gutted. I have driven since 17 so just over 30 years. I would and could drive anywhere, it doesn’t faze me. My kids are 16 and 14 and I pay for them to do teen driving as I want them driving as soon as they can, they love it too. I have several friends who hate driving and only stick to safe, regular routes. I have another who can drive but won’t and gets her dh to take her everywhere, if she has a dental/hospital appointment etc he has to take the day off work to take her!!
We live in a semi rural area and waiting for public transport is not fun on cold winter days. I love driving, love it.

I can never get a date for my driving test, my work will not allow me time off. My theory test certificate is now out of date. I cannot afford to keep up taking lessons until I get a date. I have no way of getting private lessons. I cannot afford a childcare to watch DC while I have lessons. My driving test date has been postponed 7 times due to the pandemic. New priorities have come up so I cannot afford the time and money over those.

Open your goddamn mind. YABVVU 🖕

@Longcovid21

I know at least 5 women in my circle who don't drive when it's dark and don't drive on the motorway or duel carriage way, ever. They rely on husbands to drive unless it's very local

This could be eyesight OP. Since I've hit 45 night driving is way more tricky. I get blinded by the halogen lights and can't see anything.

What's your age OP?

Oh my god the halogen lamps

AAAAARRRRGGGHHH and I don't even drive any more.

I would HATE to be a learner driver/new to driving now. Roads are busier, drivers more aggressive and headlights brighter. Also, nobody seems to know how to use a roundabout properly anymore.

I’ve been driving for over 25 years and it’s gone from being a mostly pleasant, freeing experience to a mostly stressful one.

I dislike driving at night as I find oncoming headlights blinding and headache-inducing.

Motorways on the other hand are easier than they ever were as more cameras mean fewer speeding arseholes.

No public transport here, so driving is definitely needed unless you want to stay in a rural hamlet with only a phone box for entertainment.

I have no issue about driving and regularly did 30k miles each year. I still do c15k. As I get older, I am less keen on night time driving as most of the roads here are unlit but I still do it.

My DDs are in their early 20s. One enjoys driving but lives in Cambridge where a bike is infinitely more practical. The other is home at the moment but really doesn't like driving. She will do it when she has to - eg go into town for something - but if we are going together, she prefers it if I drive. Parking is not something she likes. DH would never dare to criticise my driving as he knows he would be doing a lot of walking. He is happy when I drive as he likes to work/read in the passenger seat. Equally, I am not a great passenger and his car has a wavy pattern on the dashboard that makes me feel sick so I tend to drive.

I think a lot of the time, women who are scared of driving are afraid of bad judgements from others in general. The same women who come on here, fretting about a minor disagreement with someone in a shop. We overthink things like this and worry so much about other's opinions of us and we shouldn't.

We always want to do the right thing and be seen in the best light by everyone. No ruffling of feathers allowed. Always need to be perfect. So when we feel we can't be perfect at something, we retreat from it.

Again, this is just a generalisation and my opinion.

I don't like ruffling feathers either, but I've just had to get used to sometimes doing that, in order to get on with life. If that means that I need to put up with some nasty drivers shouting at me when I drive sometimes, then so be it.

Speed cameras, bus lanes, tricks to fine you at every level, plus the amount of traffic in London especially with ULEZ has put me off a bit.

I think a lot of people are conflating two ideas here. Women who are not confident in their driving abilities can be perfectly confident in other areas of their lives such as work, sport, social occasions etc.
A pp mentions women not seeing themselves as equally capable as men, in my case that has nothing to do with it. I see myself as equally capable as men in lots of areas but I am not equally capable as most men or women at driving. I am nervous and jumpy. I am a clumsy person, I can barely get a fork to my mouth without spilling something.

That does not make a good driver. I suspect if I had been born twenty years later I would have been diagnosed with dyspraxia.

There are loads of things I’m good at. And I’m sure I’m better than OP at some. And braver. But I am a poor driver. That doesn’t make me a meek little woman. It means I know my own personal limits.

YABVU
Ive passed my test 30 years ago, i have retaken lessons about 5 years ago. I hate driving and it scares the life out of me. I feel i am on a rollercoaster when i am driving . I know my limitations and driving is one of them .
I live on the edge of London and can get most places quite easily without driving , so we dont have 2 cars which is more environmentally friendly.

We all have different skills and i dont see why driving cant be a skill that some people dont have.

Op are you aware that increased anxiety is a menopause symptom?

@BestestBrownies

I would HATE to be a learner driver/new to driving now. Roads are busier, drivers more aggressive and headlights brighter. Also, nobody seems to know how to use a roundabout properly anymore.

I’ve been driving for over 25 years and it’s gone from being a mostly pleasant, freeing experience to a mostly stressful one.

I dislike driving at night as I find oncoming headlights blinding and headache-inducing.

Motorways on the other hand are easier than they ever were as more cameras mean fewer speeding arseholes.

Driving used to be so lovely

Now I look from the bus and especially the top deck, you see astonishing stuff.

In a cab on the motorway, we saw a driver smoking what I thought was a comedy spliff, it was that big.

@BaruFisher

I think a lot of people are conflating two ideas here. Women who are not confident in their driving abilities can be perfectly confident in other areas of their lives such as work, sport, social occasions etc. A pp mentions women not seeing themselves as equally capable as men, in my case that has nothing to do with it. I see myself as equally capable as men in lots of areas but I am not equally capable as most men or women at driving. I am nervous and jumpy. I am a clumsy person, I can barely get a fork to my mouth without spilling something.

That does not make a good driver. I suspect if I had been born twenty years later I would have been diagnosed with dyspraxia.

There are loads of things I’m good at. And I’m sure I’m better than OP at some. And braver. But I am a poor driver. That doesn’t make me a meek little woman. It means I know my own personal limits.

Well said!

I think its a useful skill to have and I'm glad I learnt as a teen.
I started doing much more driving when I had children as it would limit days out or where I could take them if, if I had to rely on public transport.

However there seems a certain section of MN who seem to think they're far superior because they drive long distances without breaks/are never nervous/have a 10 tonne lorry etc.
A friend of mine doesn't drive (I don't know the reason) I give her lifts sometimes, she does a lot more walking than me and is probably fitter. It doesn't make me a better person.

I think @housemaus makes some very good points. There are many people for whom driving is understandably frightening because they have had a bad experience, because they have medical conditions or disabilities that affect eyesight and coordination and confidence, because they feel bullied on the road. All of this totally understandable and deserves sympathy, not disdain.

But there is definitely a breed of women who go down the ‘learned helplessness’ route with driving in the same way that so many men do learned helplessness with regards to cooking/housework/childcare. In essence, they don’t want to do it, so they invent excuses. The ‘ooh I couldn’t possibly, I get DH to do the driving, I can’t cope with cars / traffic lights/ turning right / paying for petrol / driving down a one way street, ha ha ha, tinkly laugh, I’m just a helpless lil’ old woman!!’ brigade.

Those kind of women are exactly the same as the kind of men who claim they can’t possibly learn to boil pasta, put a wash on or put the DC to bed. In a nutshell, pathetic.

I have huge sympathy with the “understandably frightened” group but none whatsoever for the “learned helpless” one.

Not read the full thread but can I venture that it’s because cars aren’t designed for women.

I struggle a bit being 5ft 1 and not having as good a view of the road as my 6ft 1 husband. I’m better when my seat is elevated as far as it goes but ideally I’d like it higher. The glare from the streetlights on the road at night really affects my vision.

I’m a perfectly competent and confident driver thank you but night driving is more difficult.

I will never drive. Just no. Problems with coordination and concentration. I hate risk. Driving is facing fatal risk every day, some people can't just ignore that. At least people won't die because of me f* up. I don't understand the anger - roads are safer without bad drivers.

I love driving, always have. No issues, fairly confident on motorways, etc. But I'd never pull another woman down who wasn't as I would realise that there was a reason for this..

@Sexnotgender

Not read the full thread but can I venture that it’s because cars aren’t designed for women.

I struggle a bit being 5ft 1 and not having as good a view of the road as my 6ft 1 husband. I’m better when my seat is elevated as far as it goes but ideally I’d like it higher. The glare from the streetlights on the road at night really affects my vision.

I’m a perfectly competent and confident driver thank you but night driving is more difficult.

The point re driving position is a good one. I drive a small car and I can get a great driving position but I never could in my ex’s car because I couldn’t get the seat far enough forward.

@FlyingPandas

I think *@housemaus* makes some very good points. There are many people for whom driving is understandably frightening because they have had a bad experience, because they have medical conditions or disabilities that affect eyesight and coordination and confidence, because they feel bullied on the road. All of this totally understandable and deserves sympathy, not disdain.

But there is definitely a breed of women who go down the ‘learned helplessness’ route with driving in the same way that so many men do learned helplessness with regards to cooking/housework/childcare. In essence, they don’t want to do it, so they invent excuses. The ‘ooh I couldn’t possibly, I get DH to do the driving, I can’t cope with cars / traffic lights/ turning right / paying for petrol / driving down a one way street, ha ha ha, tinkly laugh, I’m just a helpless lil’ old woman!!’ brigade.

Those kind of women are exactly the same as the kind of men who claim they can’t possibly learn to boil pasta, put a wash on or put the DC to bed. In a nutshell, pathetic.

I have huge sympathy with the “understandably frightened” group but none whatsoever for the “learned helpless” one.

This is a very good distinction.

think a lot of the time, women who are scared of driving are afraid of bad judgements from others in general.

I don't think this reflects me. It's driving long journeys with children I find anxiety inducing. The travel sickness. The questions as you are circling a roundabout and making sure you're in the right lane, the squabbles you can't break up. Driving on my own is a pleasure.

I’ve had my licence since I was 21 and I used to drive everywhere on my own, was always confident etc but I was in a bad relationship for 13 years and I was the only driver. We always had shit cars that seemed to break down all the time including motorways and I was never on my own in the car too. Then i met my late husband and he did most of our driving and had a lovely car so in a way it was a relief to hand the wheel to him

Now he’s gone and my confidence is slowly growing I am fine round town on my own but long distance by myself no one else in the car is hard for me but I’ve made myself do it (drive 2 hours from north wales up to Cumbria twice now)
That’s the reason why I’ve been anxious about driving not because im ‘pathetic’ but because I’ve been through some trauma in my life which needs working through

I love driving 🙂

I have a friend who absolutely hates it and will only drive if she really has too, she won’t drive in town unless she has a job interview or doctors appointment, I often have to drive her to town if she wants to go shopping.

It’s on my bucket list to do my HGV license and I would happily have a driving job. I drive all over the uk with my dc, visiting cities, towns and various camp sites, so I find it hard to understand why others are petrified.

I love driving. However, I get treated completely differently by road users when I’m in my fiat 500 compared to my OHs big Land Rover