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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my husband keeps money for himself

300 replies

MaryPoppinsChildminding · 12/02/2022 08:00

My husband is a teacher and earns about 40k a year. This goes into the family current account every month.
We have four kids.
I've been a stay at home mum for 11 years. I'm now setting up as a childminder and expect to be earning soon.
We get about £400 a month in CTC.
So, every summer, my husband does some extra work on the side, and marks exam papers. This is a big earner for him and this year he plans on earning about 10 grand on top of his usual wage. This will mean that its likely the 400 we get each month in CTC will stop.
He says he will pay for a family holiday out of it and spend about 4 grand but then he wants to put the rest in his own separate bank account. He wants to spend this as he wishes, no questions asked (his words).
He already has about 4 grand in there from his dad passing away.
Now once he earns this, as a family, we will be 400 a month, worse off. Yes, we will get a holiday, but each month, worse off so he can have 10 grand sitting in his own bank account.
This feels selfish to me.....
He also has a gambling addiction so I reckon he will just gamble with it.
Is it unfair of him to keep the money for himself?

OP posts:
apprenticewage · 12/02/2022 09:06

Not only will you loose CTC you will lose some of the child benefits too...because he will go over 50k if he earns 10k or more extra.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsChildminding · 12/02/2022 09:08

@SC215

OP I've just read your other thread from last month. Your husband is emotionally and financially abusive, doesn't want to be a dad to his kids, is an alcoholic and a gambler.

He sounds like an absolute shit, and I know you are scared of being alone, but I can pretty much guarantee that you would be happier without him. Your kids probably would be too. Imagine waking up in a peaceful house, with control over your own finances and being to bloody watch what you want to watch on TV!

You need to start looking at practical advice for how you could separate, what is your housing situation like? Rented? Mortgage? In both names or just his?

Maybe start another thread in relationships to get some better advice from women who have been through similiar, good luck Flowers

I know.... You're right. It's just so hard. It's one thing after another.
OP posts:
Cstring · 12/02/2022 09:11

@AnotherNameChanged1234

YANBU and based on bitter experience you might want to set aside a couple grand to repay tax credits. I’m surprised you’re getting £400 a month when he’s on £40,000. Amy increase in earnings will for sure push you over the threshold and you might be hit with a massive bill in a couple years time. Shambles of a system.
Yes to this ^ I stopped getting CTC on much less then £40k, from memory it may have even been when I started to earn £30k ish? Plus I had an overpayment I had to pay back. Who does the annual paperwork for the CTC? If it’s not you I’d recommend you start doing it from now and make sure it’s all above board.
rainbowandglitter · 12/02/2022 09:13

I didn't realise you can get CTC on £40k. Is that definitely correct?

twominutesmore · 12/02/2022 09:14

Well the tc will stop soon when you start working anyway so I think that's a bit of a red herring.

But I agree with pp that it is not possible to earn £10k from marking papers and, whatever he does earn, should be family money, particularly as you have to seriously step up during the marking period.

This nonsense, plus the gambling and drinking issues, would have me looking to call it a day tbh but i expect your are worried about the financial implications of separating when you yourself are on a modest income and you know cm will be unreliable.

TheApexOfMyLife · 12/02/2022 09:14

He didn't mark in 2020 or 2021. I never said he did. He did it in 2019 and earned 12 grand. He's told me he's signed up to 5 papers this year and will earn 10 grand.
I know he earned 12 grand in 2019 as he paid off his gambling debts with it and I saw the paperwork.

So my guess is that he has debts he needs to pay. Hence he doesn’t want to put the money in the pot because otherwise you would know.

It’s not just that it’s unfair vs the family etc…
Its also about the reasons why he is choosing to do that extra work.

KatherineofGaunt · 12/02/2022 09:16

So, he's earnt TWELVE grand from exam marking after tax previously?!

The mind just boggles. Most full-time teachers look to earn a grand or two at most. He must be doing it from a couple of different exam boards but my god, the accuracy of his marking probably leaves something to be desired, if he's spending whole days doing it after teaching AND marking all week.

OP, are you sure the paperwork you saw was legit and it wasn't just something he made up to cover for a big win or something? I'm afraid I'd be suspicious. Gamblers aren't known for their honesty, after all.

BestKnitterInScotland · 12/02/2022 09:17

He also has a gambling addiction so I reckon he will just gamble with it.

And there's the real issue.

Daphodils · 12/02/2022 09:19

Simply on the arithmetic there's not such a problem. The household is £4,800 down on tax credits. But he's paying in an extra £4,000.

Nailsbythesea · 12/02/2022 09:19

@MaryPoppinsChildminding and I call bollocks. Total bollocks. I’m not engaging with so obvious a lie. He did not earn £12K on top on his normal salary and if he didn’t get paid in 2020 and 2021 why the hell are you posting this on a Saturday morning in 2022. This is so obviously a total and utter lie. It didn’t happen. Did you disclose his extra income to ctc? So he earnt £20K on top of his normal salary taking home £52K and you get £4800 in ctc - oh my goodness you have no idea of fraud etc and of course random crap

Michellexxx · 12/02/2022 09:21

I’m on scotland and I know of people who mark different levels/elements of the exam and can get close to 5k. But they are marking from April-June on several different papers. You could possibly earn more as a team leader, but not double. It’s also quite difficult to get on the list to mark some of these elements. That’s specific to my subject- others have fewer papers in the first place.
So I doubt he’s actually earning this much and is possibly exaggerating to rub it in your face. Either way, this isn’t acceptable. I use marking money for holidays/savings for the family.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsChildminding · 12/02/2022 09:23

@KatherineofGaunt

So, he's earnt TWELVE grand from exam marking after tax previously?!

The mind just boggles. Most full-time teachers look to earn a grand or two at most. He must be doing it from a couple of different exam boards but my god, the accuracy of his marking probably leaves something to be desired, if he's spending whole days doing it after teaching AND marking all week.

OP, are you sure the paperwork you saw was legit and it wasn't just something he made up to cover for a big win or something? I'm afraid I'd be suspicious. Gamblers aren't known for their honesty, after all.

He definitely earned that much in 2019. He had to pay off all of his debt so we could move house and get his credit score back on track. He marks for two different exam boards from what he's told me. He's doing it now too.
OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 12/02/2022 09:23

@MaryPoppinsChildminding

He's a team leader and marks 5 or 6 papers.
I’m a team leader, and I earn about £1500 before tax! No way is he marking 6 different exams whilst working full time. He’s lying to you. Tell him to show you his bank account!
Faevern · 12/02/2022 09:23

How accurate is the marking when being done by an alcoholic to feed his gambling addiction? Not the reason for the thread but is it not a concern?

Yes it is possible to have tax credits on 40k with 4 DCs but I would think £400 a month was based on 35k income, unless there are disabilities.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsChildminding · 12/02/2022 09:25

[quote Nailsbythesea]@MaryPoppinsChildminding and I call bollocks. Total bollocks. I’m not engaging with so obvious a lie. He did not earn £12K on top on his normal salary and if he didn’t get paid in 2020 and 2021 why the hell are you posting this on a Saturday morning in 2022. This is so obviously a total and utter lie. It didn’t happen. Did you disclose his extra income to ctc? So he earnt £20K on top of his normal salary taking home £52K and you get £4800 in ctc - oh my goodness you have no idea of fraud etc and of course random crap[/quote]
What would be the point in me lying? He didn't earn it in 2020 or 2021. He will earn it in 2022. He's been approached to mark the papers and knows already how many he will be marking....
He did earn 12 grand in 2019.
All is disclosed to ctc....

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 12/02/2022 09:27

What subject does he mark?

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 12/02/2022 09:27

My DH dues exam marking and it all goes into the family account. Although once we move house and dont need our 'new house' savings we're going to set up a new holiday account where I'll all go so we can spend it on fun stuff as a family!

cheekychaplin · 12/02/2022 09:27

He marks for two different exam boards from what he's told me. He's doing it now too.

What is he marking now?

toomuchlaundry · 12/02/2022 09:28

So how many actual papers is he marking?

ThreeLocusts · 12/02/2022 09:28

Hm. Speculating wildly but - if 10.000 from exam marking sounds so far fetched to those with experience, could it be that he is in fact expecting gambling winnings?

Addicts lie. The only question is how much and about what exactly. I'm sorry, OP, it's a shit situation. Protect your own earnings when they start.

ddshocker · 12/02/2022 09:28

@MaryPoppinsChildminding if that is true about 2019 then you are going to be landed with a big bill for CTC AND some child benefits...

Original poster
MaryPoppinsChildminding · 12/02/2022 09:30

Is it btec?

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 12/02/2022 09:31

You get child tax credits and hes on 40k.how.
?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsChildminding · 12/02/2022 09:32

@cheekychaplin

He marks for two different exam boards from what he's told me. He's doing it now too.

What is he marking now?

Btec.... I think that's what he's doing now....
OP posts:
Cottonfrenzie · 12/02/2022 09:33

I signed up to two papers one year and earnt about 1k. And that was with doing additional papers where you got 'bonus' money. There's no way you can earn 10k doing 5 or 6 papers. Have you seen the contract from the board? I would be surprised if they even allowed him to do that much, it would probably impact on accuracy of marking. I also think that's an impossible amount to do on a FT contract even without kids. In exam season there's still work to be done for the other kids you teach!

And 12k in 2019? I don't believe it. It's something you do on the side for a period of about 6 weeks at most! Sometimes it's even less.

There's something not right here