That my husband keeps money for himself

[MaryPoppinsChildminding]

My husband is a teacher and earns about 40k a year. This goes into the family current account every month.
We have four kids.
I've been a stay at home mum for 11 years. I'm now setting up as a childminder and expect to be earning soon.
We get about £400 a month in CTC.
So, every summer, my husband does some extra work on the side, and marks exam papers. This is a big earner for him and this year he plans on earning about 10 grand on top of his usual wage. This will mean that its likely the 400 we get each month in CTC will stop.
He says he will pay for a family holiday out of it and spend about 4 grand but then he wants to put the rest in his own separate bank account. He wants to spend this as he wishes, no questions asked (his words).
He already has about 4 grand in there from his dad passing away.
Now once he earns this, as a family, we will be 400 a month, worse off. Yes, we will get a holiday, but each month, worse off so he can have 10 grand sitting in his own bank account.
This feels selfish to me.....
He also has a gambling addiction so I reckon he will just gamble with it.
Is it unfair of him to keep the money for himself?

Papers are marked June and early July (generally a 3 week window), so how is he teaching fulltime and marking 5,000 papers? OCR and AQA typically have a 500ish paper limit to make sure marking is fair and consistent.

Benefit calculators also suggest with four children and £40k (and average teacher pension), you should only be receiving around £270 per month CTC.

@LittleOwl153

I've asked him to do that...

What was his response?

He isn't happy about it.

@Parsley1234

Red flag gambling addiction - if he has a gambling addiction he has no money sitting anywhere

That's what I thought too.

Really difficult situ OP. I'd say No. £400 pcm to come into family coffers as thats what you will lose. So holiday plus £400pcm and its all the money gone!
If your childminding venture takes off, that would be great, but be careful how much doesn't yhen go into the family account etc.

We found the best way to manage family money was both have tge same amount of disposable income. If you do that it will contain how much he can gamble away. Also, be very careful ref gambling. If he's built-up debts, you may find you have sereval liability for it.
He needs to get help for his gambling.

Also looking at the other replies, it seems he might be over egging how much he will earn. Has he won money or is it really earnings?!

Yes it does it after work every day, every weekend for the whole marking window and I look after the kids.

@MaryPoppinsChildminding

He literally does it non stop for weeks. He does it because it benefits him. He wouldn't if it was for the family.... He has used joint money for gambling before but I wouldn't say raided....

Nice that he can't be arsed doing anything to benefit his family...

I'd tell him no and that he has to share all of the money since his children will be losing out on £400 a month and that his love of gambling is not more important than their lives, even though he thinks so.

I'd be very brutally honest like that to him. He needs a sharp shock into reality.

OP,
He is a gambler.

NOTHING is save.

Gamblers steal from their families and children.

You need to wake up and start protecting yourself.

Do you own a house?

He could be taking out credit cards, remortgaging the house.

Contact Gamblers Anonymous to find out how you can protect yourself and your children.

This is only going to get a LOT worse.

After reading your other thread not sure how he will fit in the marking round his drinking time.

That extra money he earns should be used to over pay your mortgage rather than be used as a gambling fund.

Geez zero family life. He's not invested in you and the DC on any level is he?

You get CTC on £40k a year?!

Well he can put £400 into the bank account for the months you lose it. I doubt he will get 10k too

Tell him you too are going to find some work that you will do every evening and all weekend to earn money for yourself while he looks after the kids/looks after the house/etc this year.

What's that he is saying? You can't do that even though he can? I would like to know his reason for that BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ONE. Can he not see how unfair and, frankly, sexist he is being.

So add sexist financial abuser (because he is stopping you from earning money while hiding what he earns) into gambling addict....Ugh

He's a gambling addition?

He's lying then.

Have you even seen the money he earns from exam papers? Was it anywhere near 10k?

How possible is it that he is in debt and he's solving the issue by fantasising that he'll earn 10k?

The gambling changes things.

I was going to say its ok really. DH earns 4 x what I do and his salary goes into the main pot as does (most of) mine. He never asks about the other bit.

When he gets a bonus he keeps a bit of that for beer money which I think is fair enough.

He has 'kept' me for years. I have had very well paid jobs in the past but was miserable. I became a SAHM and am now happy on NMW. I spend from the joint pot without question. So I wouldn't object to him keeping a bit for himself.

However, his cash is for beer and books. Gambling and wanting secrecy would scare me.

If there's anything extra leftover in your joint account, move it to your account. Start building up an emergency fund because your husband is going to fleece you. Move extra money into long term deposit accounts, premium bonds and into accounts in your children's names.

Sell and or remove any valuables and jewellery or high value items, gamblers are like drug users. They will sell anything to get their next fix.

If your going to £400 worse off each month as a result on him working extra then he needs to make up the shortfall I'm afraid and pay you the £400 each month

If he's planning on gambling it away then no yanbu, how can you be sure he's not in debt?

Give him a childminding bill for half the cost of all the childcare you provide to cover him.

But…..your husband is. Gambler and an alcoholic and is abuse to you.

You know you need to Chuck him out.

speak to him op,
explain the predicament,
how this will leave you worse off

try take a break

Oh and I come from a family of teachers. He CANNOT earn 10k from his plans.

@Nailsbythesea

Your OP is bollocks. Total bullocks they were no exams in 2020 or 2021 to mark. If he is a full time teacher IF, depending on the subject he might be able to mark 300-500 papers as it is a tight turn around from July to start of august deadline. You get about £2 - £3 a paper so a max of £1500 and that is before the 40% tax he will get. £10K my arse. And he has not had anything for the last 2 years. If he’s spending £4 K on a family holiday my eyes seriously would pop out - he breaks his arse to earn £4k on top of his normal job ?? This is just complete total and utter bollocks.

If he wasn’t working full time it might be possible to mark a few more but exam board rarely allow someone over a 1000 papers due to moderation and the possibility of issues.

Even then you are talking £3K to do it. You would need to decide if he pays a family holiday or offers you done for stepping up with child care. You throw in the gambling as a hook!

Do you serious think he gets £10K?

He didn't mark in 2020 or 2021. I never said he did. He did it in 2019 and earned 12 grand. He's told me he's signed up to 5 papers this year and will earn 10 grand. I know he earned 12 grand in 2019 as he paid off his gambling debts with it and I saw the paperwork.

Gambling addiction = deceit, hiding, debt

Also the most I made marking was £800 and it is horrific on top of full time teaching. Boring and extremely time consuming.

Unless he is Head of the exam board - see my first sentence.