… if you are married 20+ years do you still do valentines?

[FastFashun]

Just curious if it is something that people still do having been together a long time? On one level I understand it’s a marketing ploy. However, I do also take it as a reminder for me to be thankful for my kind and wonderful partner. Maybe that’s just me, because aware I’m not always the most thoughtful a lot of the time …

Been together 30 years, married for over 20 never done valentines. Not our cup of tea.

Been married 18 years, together for 30. We don't have a hard and fast rule about valentines. If I see a card I think is funny, I'll get it for dh, and he'll do the same. There have been years where we've not done anything.

A kiss and a card.
30+ years.
We'll have something nice to eat at home as we don't want to pay a Valentine's premium.
No flowers either as they cost far too much for that one day.

We'll probably nip out to our local nursery and buy a plant that we can put in the garden.

We exchange cards but we don’t go out on the day. Seems kind of cheesy and unnecessary.

We have gone out for a meal the odd time over the years but to me it's a night we don't have to cook or think about meal planning. Very happy with a nice takeaway and a bottle of wine tbh

When we met in January my now DH insisted on buying me a card for valentines day though I told him in no uncertain terms I didn't want one (he did buy me "the least pink one he could find".

We've never done it since apart from once when he was away and he sent me flowers (military). Just not our style. We try to show attention throughout the year.

@Keladrythesaviour you just said your DH had insisted on buying you a Valentines card, and then ‘it’s not our style’. It sounds like it’s his style? I was actually about to write, it doesn’t really matter if you celebrate these things or not as long as you’re both on the same page. What other couples do or don’t shouldn’t affect what you do! It’s when you read on here about people being upset that they’re the only one in their relationship that cares, and it hurts them - that’s the problem.

We’ve been together for over 40 years. Valentines and anniversary cards aren’t our thing, we usually choose something nice for the house that we both like .

Only made an effort on our first one together!

No, never have done.

24 years in, 12 married.

We're in Catalunya and also don't celebrate San Jordi on 23 April, where you exchange books and roses.

However, I've just cross stitched him his favourite TV shows, and he brings me breakfast in bed or walks the dog in the rain so I don't have to - romance has many faces.

Together 18 years

We usually exchange cards, that's it

I find valentines to be over hyped, commercial rubbish in general. However, we always exchange cards which we both like. Other than that we don’t really bother with anything. I sometimes make a special meal at home, but we never go out as it’s so busy anyway. Not quite married 20 years, but been together that long.

DH handed me a giftcard in Waterstones earlier. My kind of Valentine. Together 32 years & married for 28.

It varies. No cards, I don't think we have ever? We went for lunch on Thursday and had the Valentines menu because that'a what the set menu was called.

We are not quite 20 years in - 18.

Yes, we've been married 27 years and buy each other a card &/or gift. I like finding cards that express how I feel about DH. It's changed over the years. When DCs were young & life was stressful, I tended to buy humorous cards, now more lovey dovey serious ones. I feel we've been through a lot together & it's an occasion to celebrate our relationship. My birthday, wedding anniversary & Christmas are all in December, so I like that it's in a different month too!

We did but our wedding anniversary is very close so after dc1 it was too pricey for both

We were married 52 years and never exchanged them, or Christmas cards. When we lived quite close to a lovely florist OH would wander out and bring a single rose sometimes.

Been together 7 years, so still in the honeymoon phase, but we always do cards, presents and a special meal at home.

It is just an excuse to dedicate some time and additional thought to each other in otherwise hectic lives.

I love my DH every day of the year and he loves me. It doesn't increase mid February when the shops fill up with naff red items which will go in landfill. Married for far longer than 20 years.

I just get him a bottle of whisky and card. He gets me a card and flowers (if he remembers). 30 years married.

Together 24 years, married 18. We will exchange cards and we're going out for dinner at a nice restaurant (although actually two days later, to avoid the Valentine's Day crowds!).

Never did with exh, only went out with dp on first Valentine's Day because we happened to be on holiday, last year it was lockdown

We do (married 8 years, sorry not 20+!) we do cards, DH buys me a bunch of flowers, I get him a little something (a nice jumper this year). We don’t usually go out for dinner - I share the aversion to valentines set menus and ‘table for two pressure’ but would have an extra nice meal at home (steak/ seafood/ champagne). That said, we did go out for dinner to the local nice Italian a few years ago on Valentines Day as I was being induced about 4 days later so we thought good to have a final meal out before the baby madness - was lovely actually so less adverse to doing that again then I was previously.

As some others have said - either making a special effort on some days feels like a lovely treat for all involved or maybe it’s not your thing. Whatever works! But it’s not nice to call it a sham or a marketing ploy when I makes lots of people very happy.

I also have an amusing anecdote about my great-aunt who at 80+ years took her grandson out for dinner in his first year at uni as a treat - on Feb 14th. She had been widowed forever and he was being a vague teenage boy so neither of them clocked the date. They got ALL THE LOOKS in the restaurant

Together around 20ish years. Had quick discussion today as out at shops neither of us is doing anything and generally don't both.

A card. Sometimes a very small gift. I’m torn between knowing it’s marketing, not feeling we need it as a couple, but also wanting DH to feel special on a day that others do.