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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 14/02/2022 20:28

She doesn't have everything......she doesn't have what you have.... happiness....

PanickedE · 14/02/2022 21:27

Could she be struggling to conceive or have worries regarding that? It doesn’t excuse her attitude at all but it may explain. That seems to be the one thing you have that she doesn’t…

IKeptYouLikeAnOath · 15/02/2022 10:53

Some people can't feel good about themselves without making someone else feel worse about themselves.

Example - I invited my 'friend' to my new flat, and she walked in and the first thing she said was 'how DARE you have a bigger flat than me!'

She tried to laugh it off but it was genuinely her first thought. That taught me a lot about how she saw me, and how she liked feeling just a bit superior to me, for her own self-esteem reasons.

We're not friends any more...

CourtRand · 15/02/2022 12:48

She's being nuts. I'd reconsider the friendship tbh.

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