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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 12/02/2022 10:01

Many Congratulations beesknees, and beesknees Fiancé! Please do come back and tell us how the 'catchup' with your friend goes OP.

Jk987 · 12/02/2022 10:02

Get engaged and ditch your friend.

sofakingcool · 12/02/2022 10:05

@Sailor2009

If she's this batshit now then you should brace yourself for a long 8 months to the wedding. She's being utterly ridiculous, anyone would think he was planning on proposing at her wedding reception.
Ooh go on OP GrinGrinGrin
2pinkginsplease · 12/02/2022 10:10

I honestly couldn’t be arsed with the stress of a long engagement and the long drawn out planning of a wedding. Book the date and get married ASAP!

Adds to the excitement of getting engaged. A few people asked if i was pregnant that we were getting married so quickly after getting engage but I had to disappoint them and tell them no!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/02/2022 10:29

Congratulations OP!

If she cant be happy for you I'd also consider ditching her. Yes it's her big day...its literally a day, where she signs a contract and has a party. Yes the couple of weeks leading up to it will be crazy for her. But to 'bagsy' an entire year, where normal life events have to stop for any of your guests...is completely insane

LIZS · 12/02/2022 10:36

She may be behaving oddly but why do you need or want her approval? Let her focus on her wedding.

LittleBearPad · 12/02/2022 10:41

@LIZS

She may be behaving oddly but why do you need or want her approval? Let her focus on her wedding.
But this suggests it should be all-consuming. It’s a day and she’s not the only person on the planet
Juniper68 · 12/02/2022 10:42

Sometimes it's not so easy to ditch a 'friend'. Especially if there's a friendship group involved.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 12/02/2022 10:54

@beesknees18 pretty please with rings on top will you update this thread when you tell her.

Congratulations! Grin

ScurryfungeMaster · 12/02/2022 10:56

She is being ridiculous and I wouldn't be putting my life on hold because of someone else throwing a childish strop.

Original poster
beesknees18 · 12/02/2022 10:57

Thankfully no huge friendship group involved, it's been us two since we left uni as we stayed in touch out of everyone - which is one good thing.

I really really hope we don't fall out, but I'm pleased to know I'm not being the unreasonable one if we do. And I in no way have ever intended to "steal her thunder", I just don't think everyone's entire life has to revolve around her wedding.

We told DDs this morning that mummy and daddy are going to get married and they've not stopped going on about it! DP has taken them both out to the shops because they want to look at shoes, so I'm having a look into venues!xx

OP posts:
CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 12/02/2022 11:30

Congratulations to you both! What a lovely gesture from your fiance, restyling his DGM's engagement ring to make yours. Please do come back and tell us how your friend reacted to your fabulous news.

Norgie · 12/02/2022 11:41

Friend would be getting told to do one and hoofed out of my life.
Then I'd get engaged and married when I chose, not her.

TotoAnnihiliation · 12/02/2022 11:46

Why are you friends with this twat? Can't she just be pleased for you!

Billybagpuss · 12/02/2022 12:38

I’d be inclined to say nothing and wait for her to notice the ring.

Hollywolly1 · 12/02/2022 12:45

You are entitled to get engaged every week if you want,how absolutely ridiculous your friend is.
She is actually very selfish and all me me me and how about you. Congratulations on your engagement.sometimes sisters have double weddings and it doesn't mean either is stealing the one one's thunder,we can all be happy at the same time

Hollywolly1 · 12/02/2022 12:46

The other one's thunder Grin🤣🤣🤣

LovePoppy · 12/02/2022 17:09

Congratulations @beesknees18!

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 12/02/2022 17:16

Your engagement and wedding are nothing to do with her wedding plans and I am really confused as to why she thinks she has this much control over your life. She's batshit, you need to rethink your boundaries if you are even considering that she is being reasonable. Do what you want, fuck her.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 12/02/2022 17:18

Should have RTFT! Huge congratulations OP. Beautiful ring!! Thanks

Heartofglass12345 · 12/02/2022 17:25

Aww congratulations! I have just read this and was hoping for a happy ending Smile

Now to book your wedding for the week before hers in October Grin (not joking Grin)

feebeecat · 12/02/2022 17:27

Congratulations!
I had a friend I’d known forever, who I knew would not be happy when I got engaged. Also did it in a public place to limit reaction. Initially she didn’t notice (too busy talking about herself), when I finally slapped my hand onto the table, she screamed, got up and ran out.
Sometimes these friendships just run their course. Do come back to tell us how it went

Strokethefurrywall · 12/02/2022 17:28

Congrats OP - now will you please revisit this thread and let us know what her reaction is??!!

Inquiring minds want to know just how self-absorbed she is!

2anddone · 12/02/2022 17:31

Congratulations now run off to Gretna Green and get the job done ThanksThanksalways welcome to post your excitement on here we are happy to share it with you

TatianaBis · 12/02/2022 17:32

@2anddone

Congratulations now run off to Gretna Green and get the job done ThanksThanksalways welcome to post your excitement on here we are happy to share it with you
No, no have a frou frou wedding all bells and whistles a month before hers.