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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
PostThenGhost · 12/02/2022 08:11

Congratulations! 🎉

Do come back and tell us how she took the news when you announce it Grin

Dibbydoos · 12/02/2022 08:12

@beesknees18

Literally shaking as I'm writing this so please excuse any mistakes but DP got home from work and I showed him your responses........He laughed, went out of the room for a moment

Came back in and got down on his knee and EeeeeEEEKKK!!!! I'm finally engaged! The ring is everything I'd wanted and he actually had it made using his grandmothers ring! Never ever expected that but omg is it even more special now!

I know it's crazy to announce this here but what a turn in events!?!!!! AaaAhhh!!!!!! I didn't even think he'd got as far as buying one let alone making it!

I'm going to enjoy the Prosecco tonight and leave it till next week to "break the news" to DF...eeeeeeeeeek!!

Congratulations to you both!

Your DP is def, a keeper, beautiful ring, and amazing sentiment in it, too.

Your DF, though, is def OOO. I wouldn't react though, her behaviour is her problem.

You and your DP can now start planning. Have to admit though, if you do want to get married gefore her, it is possible! We planned and booked ours in 24 hours and qerw married 6 weeks later. We didn't have a covid backlog to deal with though but we found cake, minstrels, registrar, hotel including booking rooms for the family. The only people we checked dates with were the best man, my MOH and immediate family. It was a day to night wedding with full sit down meal and BBQ in the evening. I think everyone thought is was a shot gun. It wasn't; we brought it forward 6 months because we had a holiday on a 5* plus resort booked that we could use as a honeymoon and my DH didn't want to wait until May. It was a fabulous wedding.

I hope you have a fabulous wedding x

hardboiledeggs · 12/02/2022 08:37

They are NOT your friend.

SunshineCake1 · 12/02/2022 08:39

Congratulations. Beautiful ring. Extra special as coming from his Grandmother's ring so unique too.

Do Not let your soon to be ex friend spoil this special time for you. And stop being so passive. There is thoughtful and there is being a mug or too much of a people pleaser.

MissMinutes24 · 12/02/2022 08:41

Aww congratulations! Lovely ring. Ignore your friend

golddustwomen · 12/02/2022 08:46

Congratulations!! Your friend is total bat shit, enjoy your engagement, scream it from the roof tops!!

Girlintheframe · 12/02/2022 08:56

Huge congratulations! The ring is beautiful!
True friends happy for you!

ddl1 · 12/02/2022 09:00

What a lovely ending to the story. Congratulations on your engagement!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 12/02/2022 09:01

Congratulations!! Now get that October 1st date organised!!

AllOfUsAreDead · 12/02/2022 09:03

Congratulations! Grin

Good luck being a bridesmaid to miss crazy of the century. You're going to regret that. Is she putting you in ugly dresses so you don't outshine her? Grin

Let us know how she takes the news. I bet you won't be a bridesmaid anymore.

disappear · 12/02/2022 09:04

Congratulations. Now book your wedding for the end of September. Wink

starfishmummy · 12/02/2022 09:10

Actually @BlondeWidow it can mean either.

B0J0ker · 12/02/2022 09:14

Your DP should propose at her wedding 😂 Down on one knee in the middle of the room seconds before the first dance! Then you two should have the first dance.

diddl · 12/02/2022 09:30

Love the ring!

So, you've been together 8yrs & have decided to get married.

Tbh I'd be doing it as soon as possible-definitely before her!.

Not deliberately to be nasty, but once you've decided-what's the point in waiting?

Thirkettle · 12/02/2022 09:32

I struggle to believe anyone would remain friends with people who are as utterly bonkers as this.

Tell her she's a dick and don't call her again. That's not a friend, that's a mental disorder.

Abzs · 12/02/2022 09:33

I went to a wedding planned and executed in about six weeks. They took the first available slots for banns and ceremony, booked a function room in a country hotel for the ceremony then coffee and cake, and it was lovely.
You could be married by Easter if you wanted...

Rockbird · 12/02/2022 09:37

What a lovely ring, congratulations! Now please book an October wedding, preferably the weekend before hers... Wink

SecretSpAD · 12/02/2022 09:37

He should get down on one knee at the wedding

This. Just after the speeches would be a good time!

satelliteheart · 12/02/2022 09:39

Congratulations op! What a gorgeous ring!

Theyellowblanketofdeath · 12/02/2022 09:43

@Luzina

Your friend is being ridiculous
This.

But I also think you are being ridiculous for involving your DF and pandering to her. Surely your DH has a decent idea of what kind of ring you'd like. And if he doesn't, why not just propose and then go looking for a ring together?

Better than this nonsense you're putting up with now.

beesknees18 · 12/02/2022 09:46

Thank you so so much everyone!! I had a lay in this morning and can't stop staring at the ring! I'm feeling so excited I could burst!!

I am seeing DF next week for a coffee whilst DDs are at school so I'm thinking of not mentioning anything until we meet and letting her find out in person! That way if she does got a bit crazy(er) at least we're in public. I really hope she's pleased, even if she is upset, I hope she can mask it just so I can have the moment of excitement with her, just like I did for her!

Now to convince my fiancé (eeeeek!!) to do a quick hitch, he wants all the bells and whistles but as long as we're married I couldn't careless how it happens xx

OP posts:
IKeptYouLikeAnOath · 12/02/2022 09:47

Oh my god PLEASE can we all be there when you tell her?! GrinGrinGrin

Donnasaurus · 12/02/2022 09:54

Congratulations xxx

Sunnyday321 · 12/02/2022 09:54

Congratulations . Now post the news on your social media WineWineFlowersFlowers

Tarne · 12/02/2022 09:59

Watch her reaction carefully when you tell her your wonderful news, if she can't be happy for you it tells you she is utterly self absorbed and narcissistic and views you as lower in importance compared to her and her happiness.

Watch, observe and you will learn a lot. She already has given you and your husband to be plenty of red flags to indicate she feels she and her partner are worthier than take precedence over anything you and your fiance do.

This is not an equal friendship!

Does she use you a lot too?